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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by this

57 replies

BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 12:26

My sister secretly started dating a guy I used to 'date' - I put it in brackets as we got very close (We were intimate once) for over 7 years we were close friebds but there was always a flirty thing too. He was the once who got away for me I guess because it was always bad timing for us to date.

I just wish she had come to me and be upfront and honest and said 'I think I'm developing feelings for him, how would you feel if we went out?' Instead I saw texts from him popping up on her phone. Yet she denies tjem being anymore that friends which really hurts.

God, reading that back we sound like teenagers but she's 40 and I'm 30!

We were really close before they hooked up , now we hardly text or speak. He's blocked me on all social media despite being friends for 7 years and I think he's trying to turn her against me ?

Has anyone experienced anything similar? How do I get over the hurt?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 14/01/2018 13:36

But I thought you only had sex once 7 years ago?

It doesn't sound like you were "cool" about it. You say he is the one that got away.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:37

Royalfuckup - great name. Because i had two little dcs so was busy with them to have a relationship plus he's more of the business guy rather than stepdad kind of guy

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 14/01/2018 13:37

I think you are a lot more intense than you realise if even his mum has blocked you and you have even spoke to your mum about it.......

Snowysky20009 · 14/01/2018 13:37

Sorry I'm misunderstanding, you were friends with benefits for 7 years, but only been intimate once?

That's not friends with benefits..... or do I have the once part wrong?

ChrisPrattsFace · 14/01/2018 13:38

Maybe he is investing in her, to get back to you?

I would lay it all on a table with her and then cool it off while they decide what they're doing with their relationship.
No explanation for the blocking though!

Snowysky20009 · 14/01/2018 13:39

Nicknacky cross post

Nicknacky · 14/01/2018 13:39

chris after all these years, why would he bother playing stupid games?

MonumentalAlabaster · 14/01/2018 13:42

If you are now "in a relationship & happy", why do you still care so much about "the one that got away" OP?

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:45

We would kiss and flirt mostly because I would hang out with him at work for short amount of times - the time we slept together we went out to dinner and to a club then I went back to his - had a late night sitter for first time. I know I don't have I ownership over him, I just find it weird and hurtful. Plus she used to say things like 'you two will end up together I bet' a lot so she knew I cared for him a lot, yet now they're dating she's feigning ignorance about me and him completely

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Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:46

monumental I'm more upset about her not talki.g to me and him blocking me

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Snowysky20009 · 14/01/2018 13:47

I think if it is only this 'once intimate' with you, then he doesn't see you in a sexual way or that would have continued.

So scrap what I say about your sister being concerned because you are friends with benefits. You weren't, you just had sex once.

I think she just doesn't like him being friends with you, and/or as *NickyNacky' says, maybe you are intense in this relationship, and he and maybe she wants to cut ties to start afresh.

Snowysky20009 · 14/01/2018 13:49

Or maybe she's seen that in 7 years your relationship has gone nowhere, thought they obviously aren't that into each other and I'm going for it!!

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 14:03

I'm really not intense. Im actually the opposite. Not sure how I've been construed as intense

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 14/01/2018 14:04

You might not think you are but they clearly do.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 14:04

Why?

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Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 14:06

Since he blocked me I've had no contact and don't wish to. And me and her haven't spoken much, I've just got on with my life but in the background I feel hurt she didn't come to me and just be honest about it rather than call me.yelling about it - I know hes denied we were.naything more than friends to her

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Nicknacky · 14/01/2018 14:07

Because this guy obviously meant a lot to you and you clearly think it's just fate that stops you being together.

I'm not trying to be nasty but if he wanted to be with you he would. And for him and his mum to have blocked you, you must have done something. Be brutally honest, what have you said on fb even inadvertently

ThisLittleKitty · 14/01/2018 14:08

Sex once is not FWB it's a one nighter. Sorry.

Nicknacky · 14/01/2018 14:08

But you were only friends. You had sex once 7 years ago.

sofato5miles · 14/01/2018 14:09

The blocking is extreme and weird. I am assuming his mother is 40 or older and blocking for my generation is even more extreme and weirder. There is more than you are telling.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 14:16

Be brutally honest, what have you said on fb even inadvertently

Grin absolutely nothing! He blocked me as soon as I found out. I only post stuff about the kids

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Nicknacky · 14/01/2018 14:18

In that case he was clearly no friend, don't give it any more headspace. Doesn't explain why his mum blocked you though!

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 14:20

Yeah he must've said I said something to him so she wouldn't talk to me too so I can't ruin his thing with my sister.

I know I have to let it go. I'll prob just bring it up one day I see her

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Snowysky20009 · 14/01/2018 14:20

You've say you were 'dating'- so where you exclusive? Not screwing anyone else?
But then you say, you weren't dating because of timing? So you weren't exclusive then...
You say you were friends with benfits- you only got intimate once, so that's not friends with benfits
You say you were close friends- if you were that close he would have told you about the relationship and not blocked you
You say you aren't intense- but if he's blocked you, and his mother has, something has given them the idea
Your sister didn't tell you- so she must have known that you really liked him
In 7 years nothing (apart from one shag) happened- so she gave you both the chance to get together
You say he's not step dad material- so why would you want him as more than friends
You say he's flirty- loads of men are, doesn't mean he wants you in the bedroom
You had sex once/ if he wanted more he would have come back

You are laying claims to a man that doesn't want you, even if you won't admit you want him. It's no wonder your sister lied about seeing him, and this is probably why he's broken contact with you. Your best bet wouldn't have been just to say 'congratulations, you are two people I care about a lot, and I hope it goes well'.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 14:23

I'm not laying claim to him Grin you guys are acting like I'm a bunny boiler ! I'm just hurt my sister has gone about it secrectly and he's blocked me.

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