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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I get more money?

304 replies

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 14/01/2018 10:31

Can't work this out. I've changed a few details so it's not very identifiable and posting here for traffic.

Recently my mum died and my sister and I were left with £150,000 between us. (Bungalow had already been sold as mum had just moved into a nursing home) Will says everything is split between us two. But, my sister had a loan for £8000 from mum when she sold the bungalow to buy a car, she had only paid back £1000 of this when mum died.

Question is, how is the £150,000 split taking into account that sister has got an extra £7000?

OP posts:
Shadow666 · 14/01/2018 12:37

Of course your sister should pay back the loan. Why on earth wouldnt she? Its better to get it all sorted out now. You are not being petty at all.

Missingstreetlife · 14/01/2018 12:38

Pearls is right. If your sister is not keen to pay back the £6k (or give you £3k) is there some item of your mums (not necessarily valuable) that you agree you take, that would make you feel better about it?
If you are not confident or don't want the hassle you can employ a probate solicitor to do the paperwork (you remain executor) or just get some advice. This would be paid for from estate.If you are doing the work your sister might think you should have a little something for your trouble to even things up.
Most important, don't fall out about it, and don't leave solicitor or bank as executor. Always better for executor to employ them, cheaper and you have control.

ssd · 14/01/2018 12:38

loan not load

and as an aside, although its nothing at all to do with me, I find your op "Do I get more money?" just a bit distasteful. Your mum has died, does it all just come down to how much money you get?

am stepping away here, this is upsetting me a bit more than it should.

I'm sorry for your loss.

kath6144 · 14/01/2018 12:40

Op

Are you aware that as the executor (sole or joint with your sis?) you have a legal duty to produce accounts of your mums estate and give each beneficiary a copy?

The accounts should include money owed in the list of assets. When I did my mums, she had got paid-for care from a couple of weeks before she died, so was due a refund from the care home. This was included as money owed. Had I written it off I wouldn't have been doing my duty as executor correctly.

Your sisters loan should be shown too, maybe include a note with the accounts?

You could use the accounts as the starter to a conversation with your DSIS, confirming the outstanding amount. Point out that the accounts are a legal requirement and must include all monies owed.

Maybe impress on her that when the executor signs for probate, it is done under oath and you are signing to say the probate figures (based on accounts) are correct, and legally you are responsible for them.

Thus you are pushing the legal side of your duty as executor, rather than it looking like you are money grabbing.

WeAreEternal · 14/01/2018 12:40

The £7K owed is part of your mums estate so her estate is £157k (not £150k)

So you’ll each be entitled to £78.5k

Your sister can either pay the £7k she owes to the estate into the pot or have it deducted from her share, that’s her choice.

I’d just send her a text along the lines of...
“Hi, I’m just working out mums finances and with everything taken into account it looks like we will each get £78.500.
The only thing I really need to sort out now is your loan, would it be easier if I just instructed them to just deduct the loan from your share or would you prefer to pay it back into mums account yourself before everything is finalised? Whatever’s easier for you is fine with me.”

SavvyFishFinger · 14/01/2018 12:41

Also, I'm not sure I could bring myself to argue with my sibling over £7k when I've just inherited £75k

agree with others, you have both lost your mum and stand to inherit an awful lot of money, worrying about a small load your sister had isn't really important just now.

Then the fact it is £78.5k to each is not an issue. Sister had some on account. Its not rocket science. Shock

Shadow666 · 14/01/2018 12:43

Im sure the OP is upset at her mother's passing but the reality is that her estate needs sorting out and pussy-footing around about money doesnt help anyone. In fact being squeamish about talking about money is often the reason that these things become unnecessarily complicated. The law is clear that the loan should be paid out of the estate, so thats what they should do. Theres no reason to get upset about it on either side.

Sofabitch · 14/01/2018 12:44

We had this recently. Amd whilst all money gifted (or loaned and not repaid) in the last 7 years was counted for capital, the remaining money was split equally between the beneficiaries. Sucky but didnt seem worth arguing

Missingstreetlife · 14/01/2018 12:48

Don't forget to pay bills and funeral costs first, call in any other debts, savings, shares etc, and valuable items. Small personal items of not much value not included. Are there any more joint expenses, or proposed costs. Did your sister pay travel for the funeral, do you want a headstone?...
Good luck.

Original poster
bridgetjonesmassivepants · 14/01/2018 12:48

ssd - You have no idea what my feelings are about my mum. You have no information about our relationship and seem to be projecting your own feelings onto my posts.
That is not what I am discussing.
I have a legal document that needs filling out and find maths confusing- asking for help with the figures, that's all.

OP posts:
ArchchancellorsHat · 14/01/2018 12:49

You get 3,500 more as part of your share then, so 78,500 to you and the other 3,500 deducted from hers, so 71,500 to her, OP. It sounds like your sister's pretty reasonable. I wouldn't ask her to pay it back exactly, just explain that it has to be acknowledged to HMRC and does she agree with your calculations/are there any further payments she'd made that you should be taking into account.

diddl · 14/01/2018 12:53

In effect she has had £7,000 already so Op should get £7000 more.

Royalfuckup · 14/01/2018 12:54

Imagine if it were the other way round?

AIBU to think that because my DM died before I paid her back a £7000 loan that my sister should write it off.

Bet you anything the OP would have been inundated with “YABU! You should take the money out of your share. Why should your sister pay your loan?”.

OP, sorry for your loss.

Sprinklestar · 14/01/2018 12:54

I don’t think you should feel bad, OP. Your sister should be aware that her outstanding loan will need to be repaid to the estate. I’d continue with this as a basic premise, to be honest - ie repayment, or a lesser share of the estate to account for her loan, is the appropriate way forward. You’re not doing anything dodgy or attempting to swindle her. You’re carrying out your duties as an executor, legally and sensibly.

To all the posters saying just leave it - why? It’s a sizable amount and was a loan, not a gift, from their DM. Why advise someone to execute a will incorrectly? How very odd! If familial relations are to be damaged in any way, surely it’s not the OP who would be guilty of causing problems! Things would only get awkward if the sister refused to acknowledge what was right and fair. And there’s nothing here to say she would behave like that.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 14/01/2018 13:00

I have a legal document that needs filling out and find maths confusing- asking for help with the figures, that's all.

Though, to be fair OP, your post is titled 'Do I Get More Money' and then you posted My head says 50 / 50 split but then my 14 year old self starts whining, 'That's SO unfair, she got free car!!'

So, you can see why some posters might not get from your more recent posts that it's just about filling in the form correctly.

bestthings · 14/01/2018 13:04

Of course you should have more. What if sister had borrowed 20 grand, Where do you draw the line. You say your mum would want you to have equal, then the loan has to be taken into account. It's only fair. No need to fall out over it. If sister objects and makes a scene it would be her fault not yours. You're just doing the right thing.

mando12345 · 14/01/2018 13:06

OP condolences on the loss of your mother.

I've got grown up children myself, one owes us some money, was seriously ill myself in the summer and said to my DH if I didn't pull through to give the other child what the one child owes us and write off his debt.
As a mum I wanted the children to be equal.

Royalfuckup · 14/01/2018 13:07

Besides, as pp have pointed out, the £7000 is part of the estate. Your DM expected to have the loan paid back so it is counted as money owed to her estate.

ilovekitkats · 14/01/2018 13:07

Your sister owes the loan to the estate, and the will should have reflected that. Your sister has had an advance of £7K. So the correct thing to do, is to split it as per the first person suggested, £78.5K and £71.5K so you get K more than your sister, as she has already had that amount. She owes £3500 now, as she has inherited £3500 of the £7K owed.

What if it was £40K? Would everyone be saying you should forget it then?

Your sister probably doesn't have £7K or she would have repaid it already surely? So it needs to come out of her share, and you get that much more.

You are really not being petty or whiny.

Somebody I know who did loan their child £40K, had it written into their will that their estate was split 3 ways, but that the money had to be taken out of that child's share so that it was fair to the other 2, so they got more and one got nothing, but they had already had it!

Shadow666 · 14/01/2018 13:10

I think the sister already paid back 1000, so only 6000 is outstanding.

Bearbehind · 14/01/2018 13:12

FFS RTFT

The original debt was £8k and £1k has been repaid so £7k is still outstanding Hmm

Shadow666 · 14/01/2018 13:13

Ok, calm down.

MaggieFS · 14/01/2018 13:13

OP, if you download and fill in the probate form pdf on a computer, it will do a lot of the sums for you. You input house, bank account value, debts etc, and it will spit out the final estate value for you.

As others have said, it will assume the £7k will be repaid, if you include it as a debt, so the proper process would be 1)sister repays £7k to estate 2) total estate is the split in half. If she doesn't repay the £7k as an interim step, the net effect is as others have said: you get £3.5 more, she gets £3.5 less.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 14/01/2018 13:14

What if it was £40K? Would everyone be saying you should forget it then?

Well no, probably not. As many posters have mentioned - the amount of money makes it easier to forget about, relative to the amount the OP is expecting to receive.

Bearbehind · 14/01/2018 13:14

I'm perfectly calm, just astounded that 5 pages in and people are still making mistakes about the amounts in question,

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