"Accidental" messages

[dinosaursgoroar]

My ExH keeps sending me texts that are intended for his new girlfriend 'by accident'
They are always full of soppy content and finished with hundreds of 'xxxx'

The things he writes in these messages don't really even make sense, telling her things that don't add up (Work times etc - I know his shift patterns due to contact with DS) and lots of messages have said things like 'missing you babe xxxxxx'

There have been loads of issues revolving around his new partner including her randomly messaging me with harassing and accusing messages which I never got to the bottom of it. He always says 'was half asleep' or 'didn't mean to send you that'

Now I'm pretty certain he's doing it on purpose for whatever weird reason of his, but AIBU in telling him that's it's not fair and it needs to stop? Although he keeps claiming he didn't mean to do it but I've had about 5/6 texts in the last 3 weeks. Does anyone even send texts to the Wrong person by accident any more?! Thoughts/suggestions please!

Could you buy one of those cheapo phones that only allow to make and receive calls, just for use to make contact re your DS? That way he won’t send the messages. Of course you shouldn’t have to, but he’s probably doing it to get a reaction

I’d send

😂😂😂😂 my ex keeps sending me pathetic messages ‘meant for his gf’ gonna have to send you a screen shot it’s so funny the depths people will go to to prove how ‘happy’ they are to send it to their ex 😂😂😂
Next message- oops ignore last message, was meant for someone else!

😂😂 I have experience with dickheads like this. Goes down like a cup of cold sick, stops the messages too 😂

WOW, sounds like your ex is desperately trying to convince everyone - you especially - that he and his new squeeze are super happy! I reckon he is not happy at all, but is desperate to make you think he is for some reason...

I see this quite a lot - often on facebook - people declaring their undying love for one another, and gushing all over each other, and 3 out of 4 times, they split a few months after.

As a few people have said; delete the messages and do not respond. So he won't know if you got them or noticed them.

What a wanksock he is!

He's trying to play you off against each other, the sad knob.

If you cant block him, get a cheap PAYG just to deal with him.

I agree with @bingbongnoise. Sounds like he's over compensating for something!

I actually suggested a temporary phone just for him, but as my mum pointed out, I'd still get them - just on a different phone!!! He's just a dick

Can you insist he emails you? There's no way he could get that wrong!

The things that happened over Xmas, actually led me to telling him what she'd done and said, and he responded that they were together a few months ago, then he broke it off but she's obsessed with him and he can't get rid of her even tho he went on holiday with her a few weeks ago but that's another story and called her a 'deluded bitch' but then sends me messages like that??!! Can't tell her any of this as we blocked each other on fb and I would have no proof anyway as it was all face to face

Zelbie has sound advice there. 2nd phone just for him. PAYG. Cost about £10. Then you can switch it off except when you need to make contact or he has the DC with him. Take control.

And yes it's absolutely deliberate.

Ellen Bloody brilliant!

What a DICK
He is so doing it on purpose

Ugh .

Ellen / you star !!!!

I think if it was me, I'd tell him that although you understand that you are on his mind so much that he keeps sending texts to you which are meant for someone else, and that you do understand that he is obviously desperate to get your attention, but that in future, you will simply forward them onto his GF without reading.

He's coming tomorrow with all his family, and part of me really wants to say something (not start a massive thing but just say something) in front of all of them!!! Only problem is they're coming because it's DS's birthday tomorrow

Please please do what Ellen said!!

I doubt it is accidental. Speaking from experience from when I was younger and desperate to resume contact with an ex!

Just ignore and if he questions you and most likely sends you a follow up apologising saying it wasn’t meant for you, just ignore too. If he says anything in person, say you figured it wasn’t for you and delete them before reading them fully. Should wind him right up!

OMG, this made me remember an ex boyfriend who used to do this to me. Fucking ridiculous attempt to play me/you. Ignore it.

See the messages from her could be from him. He just got another phone... I’m still thinking she’s a mannequin

If you can ignore them, that's great. But if they are annoying - you don't have to accept his texts. There's no rule that you must let him text you in order to co-parent effectively. YANBU. Children can be safe and looked after without mobile phones! (Happened for hundreds of years) And you don't have to have a reason. It's simply a matter of privacy - and you get to choose who can and can't contact you by text.

I blocked exH from sending texts to me because of the content and frequency of his texts. And I have found emails work fine. After all, he shouldn't be making last minute variations. If he does - he's just trying to wind you up, and you'll need to set some boundaries/consequences. Unblock him a bit before he's due if you want him to be able to tell you about traffic delays.

To implement this change, I simply informed exDH (by email) that he was welcome to contact me by email to discuss DCs, and that he could send texts to me if necessary when DCs were with him. At other times he wouldn't be able to contact me via text. If you don't want to tell him why - just say your new year resolution was not to be a phone-slave.

I went one step further and got myself a special email address for exH to use - and blocked him from my other email accounts (he had been mis-using those too). I said that I would be checking this email account regularly but not every day. (Left it vague as to how often).

I check the special email account when it suits me (once or twice a week), and reply when I feel ready. His communication is now much less intrusive on my day-to-day mindset.

Christ just block him.

You've met her? Made up crazy girlfriend alert!

Certainly, discuss her openly with the ILs tomorrow. I wonder how many of them have met her?

my brother does it occasionally, my name and his GF's names are very close/similar (begin/end with same letters) and sometimes I get them as he didn't check properly.

Unless you and the GF have same issue, I can't believe they're accidental

What a bellend. If he is so happy to be with her then why’s he so desperate to get an emotional reaction from you? His relationship is a joke.

You could either do the grown up thing and ignore him or send him an 'accidental' text saying 'hi best friend I really wish exdp would stop pretending he's accidentally texting me making a pisspoor attempt to make me jealous and get a reaction the dickhead is doing my head in' then text again 'sorry that wasn't for you'.

It’s called extinction behaviour. I think. Ignore it - as you said it gets worse but that’s natural and proves he is doing it for attention. You need to stand firm and eventually he will peak and then subside.