To hate Autism

[EnglishRose1320]

I know I might well be but today I am done with it. I am sick and tired of everyone telling me it brings so much joy, a different way of thinking, unique gifts etc. I'd happily swap my son's autism, lose the high IQ, the quirky traits, have an average child in a heartbeat because nothing is worth the aniexty, the depression, the self harming, the house desteoying, the life destroying that we have to deal with. I don't see Autism as a blessing and I don't know that I ever will.

Thanks Bishop - that's what my friend feels too. And worse.

Oh Melanie - that's a heartbreaking post :(
for you x

ABA makes me very uncomfortable, it’s not treatment imo it’s forcing autistic people to hide their autistic-ness to appear NT.
It’s also peddled by Autism Speaks who bang on about cures and treatment and are unbelievably misogynistic.
Any talk of making autistic people “normal” (I hate hate hate that word) makes me very sad, because it’s all about making autistic people conform to NT ideas/behaviour and therefore “better”.

I think it’s the assumption that I’m somehow “wrong” that upsets me, I’m not wrong, I’m exactly how I’m supposed to be (it’s taken me 35 years to reach that realisation after many, many years of distress) and who is anyone else to tell me that I have to change who I am to make them feel more comfortable or to be accepted? Why can’t they just accept me for who I am?

@Notreallyarsed that's how I feel

County Durham - no support, no assessment, camhs dysfunctional and manipulative. Tried to deal with them for around 15 years on and off, but had to give up. They employ a psychologist who peddles the ‘refrigerator mother’ model and diagnoses everyone with attachment disorder

I’m autistic myself, so had absolutely no chance of accessing help due to their devious and Machiavellian tactics.

I think Northumberland might be better, but haven’t had personal experience.

Not I feel the same about ABA therapy, I don’t think anyone should be forced to fit in, yes there are some techniques which may help them out of a tricky situation but making someone make eye contact is something that really annoys me. It was once written on my daughters ‘goals’ for school (to make eye contact), I went crazy at the school as they had been forcing her to make eye contact whilst saying “good morning” to her class mates.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad to me it seems abusive. Only my opinion

It wasn’t for us either. And I can recall that about 20 years ago it was said there was a higher incidence of suicide amongst those on the spectrum who’d had ABA therapy.

Whether it’s true or not I don’t know.

@BishopBrennansArse it’s taken me a long time to get to this point, after years of my head being all over the place trying to fit in and be how society thinks I should. It’s exhausting, and I can’t do it any more.

@Lovemusic33 the eye contact thing is hideous. At DS1s Nursery they used it as a disciplinary tactic, holding his face to force eye contact. I exploded because it was traumatising him. He’s now 11 and cannot maintain eye contact at all, which thankfully his School understand completely. I can’t either, it’s too much information being thrown at me in one go! (I see every freckle, eyelash, blemish all of it and the scrutiny of being looked at in the eye makes me panic)

I’ve spent my life pretending to appear NT and the stress is killing. It is absolutely exhausting.

ABA is like forcing a wild animal to do tricks in the circus arena.

We’re not here to be ‘fixed’ by the ignorant, arrogant NT population.

They want to think hard about what autism has given to them in the form of technological and medical advancement and learn to be inclusive.

@Notreallyarsed I also find acting NT exhausting. I've been doing it so long it's hard to stop masking though but I now don't make myself give eye contact etc.

@BishopBrennansArse I don’t either, and thankfully I’ve got a couple of good friends who understand and if I can’t mask in public any more they step in and kind of make a wall round me.
I had a meltdown yesterday because the school run was really scary (lots of snow, cars skidding all over the place, walking with 3 kids) and I only realised when I got home that I’d spent the entire time in fight or flight mode so was utterly exhausted.
Trying to explain that to someone who has no experience is so hard because they just don’t get it. Thankfully DP knows me well enough and is awesome.
We’ve stayed home today as it’s carnage on the roads out there and schools are shut anyway.

It’s things like that that I find so difficult to explain because outwardly I look just like anyone else, but inside I can be furiously battling to hold it together until I get to my safe place (home).

It takes so much energy and effort just to appear NT on a daily basis. Unless I’m around people I know and trust in which case I don’t bother because they know me.

For the eye contact thing, which I totally get by the way, I saw a tip that may or may not be useful - focus on the spot between their eyebrows, that way it looks like you're making eye contact but you're actually not.
I've just tested this on my son to see if focusing on that point looked right, and he said yes, and I didn't look cross-eyed to him either, so, if it's something that someone tries to force you into, it might be useful to try.

I forced myself to do eye contact, but can’t do it naturally, so I now stare too directly which I’m told can be rude and even intimidating.

You can’t fucking win and you can never, ever give the nt’s what they want because they are very adept at spotting someone who’s different and then all your Herculean efforts are wasted anyway.

I stay away from everyone now and only force myself to interact at work because I get paid and need the money.

We live in the north west of the uk. We’ve waited 18 months for CBT and had to write a begging letter to a London Hospital (out of our catchment, obviously) for a second opinion on ds’ meds. Our CAMHS Psychiatrist said he’d exhausted his repertoire and referred us but, the local nhs said “no”. So, one begging letter from the parents and 14 months later..... we see our second opinion guy, next week. Yesterday, when my HF asd 17 year old wanted to discuss with me, the surest way to end his life, I had a long discussion on the pros and cons. The worst thing? we are desperately trying to keep DS out of hospital because there is no facility where we are and he’s be a 3 hr drive away from us. And yet, there are days I think I could help him to “do it”. And me. And it’d all be over.

@SukiTheDog I don’t have any words, I’m so sorry. But I’m listening for what it’s worth.

@Fionne have you ever faced prejudice because of your neurotype?
How fucking nasty.

And just serves to demonstrate what we’re up against Bishop

I rest my case.

@Fionne if you think @ChickenPaws is generalising you are very wrong. And really nasty. What was the need for your comment? Telling an autistic person who has faced shit for years they’re better off staying away from people? Fuck me.
Personally I think the world would be nicer if people with that attitude shut themselves away.

Oh dear fionne, how little you know.

Thank you NotReally. I think it’s the old adage “walk a mile in my shoes” and then see how you feel. No one can really understand (unless you’ve lived it) what it’s like to have a disabled child. I have a support worker who visits twice a year. I make him a cup of tea. We fill in a form about how difficult things are for DS. For US. The man shakes his head and agrees with me. Then off he goes. I truly have NO IDEA what he does. None. Nothing changes. He tells me about cutbacks in services. We lost ds’s transport for college this year so, obviously I take him. I literally drop him off, dash home and do a few chores and then I sit in the traffic again for an hour after lunch, to go collect him.

This morning on the news they were showing off the new spitfire-whatever plane, arriving for our Royal Navy, this year. We will have a fleet of 130 of them at £80 million pounds each. That’s money well spent, then.

@fionne incredibly fucking nasty post. Know exactly what you mean chickenpaws feels like we can never win a lot of the time.

@Suki it’s shameful that cuts can be made to much much needed services. Absolutely appalling.

Fionne I can't respond as I would in RL without breaking talk guidelines. But do me a favour and just do one will you? What is the point of your ridiculous post? To goad, to anger, to distress? Well done, job done. Are you happy with yourself now? I bet you are. Which says more about you than anything else.

@fionne incredibly fucking nasty post. Know exactly what you mean chickenpaws feels like we can never win a lot of the time

And nor can NT’s who for the most part are pilloried on these threads.

Some NTs have no fucking idea.
Some are bloody amazing.