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AIBU?

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Original poster

To insist my DS 15 leaves his phone downstairs at night?

56 replies

Alphabetsoup4 · 12/01/2018 22:05

My DS has got really cross today. He says I’m treating him like a child as I have told him that now School term is back he should start leaving his phone downstairs every night to charge.

I had got him an expensive iPhone for Christmas, the first new phone he’s had and it took me a lot of months to save the money. Previously he used to leave it downstairs but it was such a headache getting him to remember, so I let it slide only to find him more than once watching YouTube at 3am. He’s totally addicted to his phone and he never gets himself up in the morning.

So after letting him enjoy the phone over the holidays, where he turned into a complete zombie and lay in bed almost every day, I thought I’d reinstate it.

I am heartily sick of the battle about this, and he’s testing me by absolutely refusing. He’s underperforming at school, still neglecting basic stuff like brushing his teeth and into video games and not much else.

Does anyone else still try to put up healthy boundaries on devices? Should I insist for the next year or so to make him at least sleep in exam years?

OP posts:
Clayhead · 12/01/2018 22:07

My 15year old ds has to leave his phone downstairs at night.

TheSnowballFairy · 12/01/2018 22:08

And mine!

DreamyMcDreamy · 12/01/2018 22:09

YANBU, no phones in the bedroom over night here too (nearly 15.)

ThePinkOcelot · 12/01/2018 22:09

I don’t have this rule for my dds, but I can see why you would if he plays games etc until the early hours.

DreamyMcDreamy · 12/01/2018 22:11

I am heartily sick of the battle about this, and he’s testing me by absolutely refusing. He’s underperforming at school, still neglecting basic stuff like brushing his teeth and into video games and not much else.
so I let it slide only to find him more than once watching YouTube at 3am. He’s totally addicted to his phone and he never gets himself up in the morning.
Wifi password would be getting changed here until he started going to bed properly, getting up nicely for school etc.
Don't care if that makes me "tight". Grin

LotsOfLoveAndSarcasm · 12/01/2018 22:11

The rule in my house is they can take the phone upstairs at night if I am satisfied that it's not interfering with their normal functions Grin. If they are in bed and sleeping at a reasonable time on school nights, and they're not neglecting teeth/homework/chores in favour of "the screen", then they get to have their phones upstairs (they mostly use them for alarm and yes I check they're sleeping, I don't take their word for it).

Love51 · 12/01/2018 22:12

Maybe say if he gets himself up, teeth brushed and out to school with no parental input for 2 weeks you'll relax the rule. Could be a win -win.

Payfrozen · 12/01/2018 22:12

Everyone leaves phones on landing windowsill in our house, me included.
Wi fi unplugged too which worked well on its own until DC got better phones with more data.

Except when I forget Confused

healthyheart · 12/01/2018 22:14

Definitely downstairs! Just look at the screen the next morning - they’re all texting, instagramming etc all through the night!

Subtleconstraints · 12/01/2018 22:14

My 14 ye old DD has to leave her phone downstairs at night; you are right to insist op. If he can't self-regulate then he needs your help with this.

We have been in the habit of taking dad's phone away for a day or so if we find she is getting the balance wrong between phone/hwk/friends/chores/exercise. She has got a lot better at prioritising recently!

Subtleconstraints · 12/01/2018 22:16

Dd's not dad's ...although thinking about it...!Grin

OnlyTheWelshCanCwtch · 12/01/2018 22:18

My 15yo has to leave his phone down stairs on a school night. He can have it Friday and Saturday night.
He goes to bed at 10pm on a school night and he's not allowed any devices or to go on his games console after this time
I did exactly the same with my daughter

Chasingsquirrels · 12/01/2018 22:19

Mine has to leave his in my room (after I found he'd sneaked downstairs to get it).
I've also got restricted Wi-Fi times for both children, ds2's turns off earlier than ds1's. They do both now have Wi-Fi on their phones but ds2's is minimal and ds1's isn't enough to stream stuff, although it is enough for him to message his girlfriend.

DrDreReturns · 12/01/2018 22:20

No phones in bedrooms (even mine) in my house.

DreamyMcDreamy · 12/01/2018 22:20

Definitely downstairs! Just look at the screen the next morning - they’re all texting

Yes to this! I'm hopeless and sometimes go to bed after 1am, and when it's downstairs it sometimes pings after 1am.
Little message flashes across the screen like "so and so has posted in your chat group" or "so and so has sent a Snapchat"
I'm staring at it agog, thinking "get to fkn bed! Does your mum know you're messaging?! You'll be a mess for school in the morning."
If that was in the bedroom even on silent it would be disturbing as the screen would light up.

Aroundtheworldandback · 12/01/2018 22:21

You are so right. Please don’t back down on this. It’s hard enough to enforce at 15 but trust me come 17 you won’t have a hope.

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2018 22:21

My 16 year old uses his phone as an alarm in the mornings, so he can have it in his room.

I can understand if DC can't be trusted not to be messing with it all night why you would want to have a rule though. Especially if it's affecting school etc.

He's only 3 years from being an adult though, so does need to learn some self control as he gets older.

Original poster
Alphabetsoup4 · 12/01/2018 22:22

Thanks guys I was feeling like a total harridan of a parent but in my gut I feel he needs it. He’s started to become very lazy and a bit feckless, despite me trying everything. It doesn’t help that his Dad - my Ex - undermines me and tells him I’m not letting him grow up. His Dad is feckless and lazy and I’m worried he’s thinking that’s an ok way to be.

And we seem to live in an area where his friends parents don’t give their kids any restrictions at all!

OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 12/01/2018 22:26

My almost 15 year old isn’t allowed her phone upstairs at all, so by my house rules your lad is getting a damn decent deal:o

Topseyt · 12/01/2018 22:28

If he is being as silly as you say then I can see why you have that rule.

I've personally never made it a rule in this house, though I've never found my DDs using it at silly o'clock in the same way as your DS. I know that could just mean I've never caught them.

We all use our phones as alarm clocks anyway.

LegallyBrunet · 12/01/2018 22:29

My brother and sister (15 and 14) get their's taken off them and put them on charge downstairs. I was sat downstairs quite late last night doing some uni work and my little sister's phone never stopped buzzing the whole time I was down there so it's probably for the best she doesn't have it overnight or she'd never sleep

Original poster
Alphabetsoup4 · 12/01/2018 22:29

sparkling the self control is not showing any signs of appearing... sigh. In fact if anything he’s getting worse!

I’ve just insisted he give me his phone. Just stood there until he gave it over. He said no, no, no, no way...

15 minutes later! I got his phone. This just makes me want to take away the phone until he can cooperate. I feel like I bend over backwards for him, let him have a tv in his room etc.

OP posts:
OnlyTheWelshCanCwtch · 12/01/2018 22:29

Personally I don't give a flying f* what his friends may or may not be doing. He goes by my rules or he wont have the phone at all!
There's been days especially over the holidays where he's been up till early hours and he's had to get up early for whatever reason the next day, and he's absolutely knackered.
He knows there's no point arguing as he knows I'm right. I'm not a harridan by any means, I'm firm but fair

Original poster
Alphabetsoup4 · 12/01/2018 22:31

incywincy can you please tell my DS that actually some people are worse off!

OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 12/01/2018 22:31

Is it contract? If so, phone up and have his date reduced to a negligible monthly amount. Then google how to set up permissions on your router. You can restrict the access to the router for specific devices, so he can only access the internet between certain hours.

Would seriously piss him off, but would certainly work.