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Original poster

To insist my DS 15 leaves his phone downstairs at night?

56 replies

Alphabetsoup4 · 12/01/2018 22:05

My DS has got really cross today. He says I’m treating him like a child as I have told him that now School term is back he should start leaving his phone downstairs every night to charge.

I had got him an expensive iPhone for Christmas, the first new phone he’s had and it took me a lot of months to save the money. Previously he used to leave it downstairs but it was such a headache getting him to remember, so I let it slide only to find him more than once watching YouTube at 3am. He’s totally addicted to his phone and he never gets himself up in the morning.

So after letting him enjoy the phone over the holidays, where he turned into a complete zombie and lay in bed almost every day, I thought I’d reinstate it.

I am heartily sick of the battle about this, and he’s testing me by absolutely refusing. He’s underperforming at school, still neglecting basic stuff like brushing his teeth and into video games and not much else.

Does anyone else still try to put up healthy boundaries on devices? Should I insist for the next year or so to make him at least sleep in exam years?

OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 12/01/2018 22:32

Feel free to tell him there are very badly done too teens out there with utterly mean mothers who just don’t understaaaaaaaand!:o

IncyWincyGrownUp · 12/01/2018 22:33

One too many o’s on the to! Whoops!

marl · 12/01/2018 22:33

Yes, phone downstairs when he goes to bed. DS is 16.

Wishiwasonholiday1 · 12/01/2018 22:35

We make my stepson do this when he stays (also 15). This was promoted after he told FIL that he would sometimes still be chatting on snapchat at 2am.

First night we enforced it he got annoyed, but after that accepted it. He's not made to do this at home but I don't want to treat him any differently than I would my other children.

Wishiwasonholiday1 · 12/01/2018 22:36

*prompted, not promoted

AChickenCalledKorma · 12/01/2018 22:36

It has nothing to do with treating him as a child and everything to do with good sleep habits. I am 47 and my phone stays downstairs at night.

But you should also follow the same rules ...

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2018 22:38

You never no OP, he might start to get it at some point.

My eldest is 18 and has early nights and everything now. But he's at Uni so there can be no confiscating of phones/laptops etc as they are all in his room. It comes around quickly. Sad

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2018 22:41

*know

Original poster
Alphabetsoup4 · 12/01/2018 22:42

Thanks it’s good to know a lot of other parents do this. DS really does seem to think that I’m so much stricter than his friends parents, to the point where he’s moaning to my Ex about me and his mates - the one with the strict parent. And yet I’ve let him have a PS4 and tv in his room and bought him an iPhone!

It does actually make me a little sad I’m viewed so negatively or that restrictions make me bad, but if I let him fail his exams, neglect his teeth I’d be ‘good’? Somewhere his respect for my fairness has been undermined.

OP posts:
Grandadwasthatyou · 12/01/2018 22:42

Both my dc must bring their phones downstairs at night and leave in the dining room to charge.
As other pps have said I can hear them pinging and ringing really quite late which just confirms to me I have made the right decision.
But I am the only mum who makes their children do that, according to my teenage dd!

heymammy · 12/01/2018 22:44

All gadgets left downstairs on school nights here but dd1 (15 this year) is allowed her phone on Fri & sat nights. She is too much of a slave to that fucking beep and can't resist looking at the notification, which then means she HAS TO respond, and on and on it would go!

So until she is 16 the phone stays downstairs..after that we will see how it goes Wink

DreamyMcDreamy · 12/01/2018 22:58

But I am the only mum who makes their children do that, according to my teenage dd!

Lol, I get that too!
"But So and So does it!"
Me - "If So and So jumped off a cliff,would you?"

It's official, I'm old and turned into my parents lol

Hotfootit · 12/01/2018 23:07

No phoned in bedrooms here too. I bought DD a £4.99 alarm clock so she doesn’t need it as an alarm and there is no other legitimate reason to have a phone overnight. I see it pinging away with messages (and nonsense) from her friend’s late at night when she is asleep and I always wonder if their parents know (or care).
I also confiscate all phones on sleepovers. All her pals (and their parents) know this and accept it.

Pagwatch · 12/01/2018 23:13

I had a long discussion with my DD who is also 15. She's mature enough to understand that she can't resist the temptation of looking at her phone if it's pinging next to her when she's supposed to be going to sleep.

15 year olds don't have the self control to manage this. They need boundaries and they still need help with that.

If it were my DS I would be pointing out that every time he start whining and moaning he's just proving he's too childish to manage any kind of mature self restraint

condepetie · 12/01/2018 23:14

He's really testing the boundaries, hey!

"You are a child. You need to sleep."

Take the phone, turn off the wifi or change the password - you are able to do things that he can't squirrel around. He's got school to worry about.

Make sure he's not on the PS4 instead of homework! The wifi might scupper him but not all games need wifi. Depends what games he has. Keep an eye.

TV too - consider taking that out if you think he's not sleeping when he should be.

He's 15, he's blustering. You parent him how you think is right. And at this important age he needs to be sleeping properly and not spending all his time gaming or on the internet. That can come later.

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2018 23:14

The word 'confiscate' sounds awful doesn't it? Grin Like they are proper criminals with their phones.

Phones on sleepovers don't bother me, there's never any sleep going on anyway.

ForalltheSaints · 13/01/2018 06:51

YANBU. No harm if you do the same too, incidentally.

pokeitwithastick13 · 13/01/2018 16:36

There’s an app called screen time whereby you can restrict the hours that your kids use their phones, you can also set them tasks to complete so they can earn more screen time.

lostmyfeckingkeysagain · 13/01/2018 16:47

I work with teenagers. You are 100% doing the right thing.

Ignore your Ex, it's all very well for him but you can't both be DS's mate, one of you has got to be his parent.

missmorleyme · 13/01/2018 17:14

Change the WiFi password on the regular and take his charger, he can't mess about for hours on his phone if he has no WiFi and his phone dies.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 13/01/2018 17:47

I’d also take his console controllers at the same time yountake the phone on an evening. If you’re going to be the queen of evil you may as well earn the full regalia, not just the crown:o

Original poster
Alphabetsoup4 · 13/01/2018 20:14

Will look up that App screen time. He’s apologized today, although he still thinks I’m treating him unfairly, and is acting like I’m the evil one with big sighs and going up to his room.

Hope I don’t have to arm wrestle him tonight to get it again.

OP posts:
BeyondThePage · 13/01/2018 20:20

we have always had the "no gadgets in the bedroom" rule - for us as well as the kids.

Now 15 and 17, they still put their phones on to charge downstairs before going up to bed - even if they are the last one to come in...

specialsubject · 13/01/2018 20:25

Tell him to behave like an adult and leave it downstairs and switched off. Save a bit of power too.

There are devices called alarm clocks which don't need charging twice a day. Amazing.

stickytoffeevodka · 13/01/2018 20:29

As he clearly can't be trusted to go to sleep on time, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all at that age.

However, I don't understand making 17/18 year olds leave their phones downstairs. I think there comes a point where you have to let them make mistakes and if they go to school tired for a few days, so be it. You can't watch them forever.