Have I done something stupid? DH says yes.

[happy2bhomely]

I made an emergency call to the police today.

I witnessed a serious incident involving 30-40 children from my dc's school and a knife.

I recognised one of the boys and gave his name to the police. He saw me there and told a group of kids that I had seen everything. He is in my dc's year at school.

My DH has gone mad at me. He has said that if this comes back on dd then I only have myself to blame. He has told me that I need to learn to mind my own business. I thought I did the right thing but I'm now doubting myself. I also wanted to report to the school on Monday but DH says no way. This boy is in DD's class. He is known to the police already.

Did I do the wrong thing? I'm now worried that I've made my dd and our home a target.

Morally you did the right thing, but possibly not the best thing for your family. Your DH handled it badly but has a point. I would be very vigilant from now on.

Yanbu - a knife was involved.

I can understand why your DH is worried. I grew up in a rough area and have worked in pretty rough places. I got one day away from having to testify in Court against a murderer (for an unrelated matter). I was shitting myself. He plead in the end.

But your DH saying you would be to blame if something happened isn't on. You're both trying to do the right thing but coming at it from different angles.

I hope you and yours are safe.

As you said, you were recognised by the boy you knew, and he told a good few of them who you were and that you'd seen everything.
You could well have been targeted to "be kept quiet" by intimidation even if you hadn't reported it, so you may actually be safer for the fact you HAVE reported it. As now, they know you are not afraid to report to the police, and you're on the police's radar as potentially in the line of fire for repercussions.
Had you not been recognised then i think my own safety might have won out over my conscience to "do the right thing" as i've been targeted in the past by people who terrorised my family home, and that was kids who WEREN'T violent and it was terrifying and made my dad seriously ill.

As for those saying you'd feel guilty if you said nothing and someone was stabbed and injured or worse, in NO way would you have been to blame, to suggest so is just silly. NOBODY would be to blame other than the person who actually pulled the knife and used it, and to a lesser degree those encouraging them, not some poor bystander who didn't report them because the fact is, you ARE endangering yourself by doing so when you've been recognised.

Don't get me wrong, I definitely think op did the right thing, but I do NOT think her DH was cowardly. I get his POV.

Sadly when you have witnessed this time after time and seen the police do absolutely nothing despite being given information, you lose faith in the system.

You absolutely did the right thing. Your husband is entirely in the wrong there.

I dont think you have done anything wrong however I do think it would be naive to think that your daughter may not have any back lash from this, you have opened a can of worms, and it would be naive to say otherwise.

I dont think your dh is spineless or any of the frankly idiotic names people have called him, hes rightfully concerned about his daughter, and emotions are running high.

I really don’t understand the posters who are saying the OPs DH is a coward of is in the wrong.

Whilst morally the OP away right, she has put her DD in a bad situation. Not only does the boy she identified sit right next to DD and know DD, he also KNOWS DD’s parent was there at the time of the incident and saw what happened.

I would be fearful of repercussions against my DD here. I don’t think you have thought about your DD here at all.

Also I live in London and went to a school that was deemed “rough”. If a parent did this sort of thing then the child of said parent would have their life made Hell.

This is not the England I left 45 years ago. What the fuck happened there, what changed to make it like this?

You're kidding right Charolais? My dad grew up in a rough bit of London, and knife carrying was normal, kids his way generally amused themselves by doing things like shooting at chimney pots with air rifles, or breaking factory windows, or general theft and vandalism - being chased down the road for a belting by their parents was normal, a copper giving them a clip around the ear was to be expected if caught, punchups between housing estates/schools weren't unheard of. TBH I think things have moved on from there, in many ways better, in some ways worse - but it's still the same bloody England.

OP I think you need to call the police again to get reassurance and the support you need.

To the 'nothing will change if we keep silent' brigade. Perhaps true. But if you feel so strongly then do something yourselves. Why is it always the vulnerable who are heavy with the responsibility? Fuck that. My job is to get my kids through to adulthood as safe as possible.
Would you grass a child your kid knows to the police for being involved in a knife fight knowing that they knew it was you? Like hell I would. Id be mad at OP too.
People often romanticises sinkhole shit estates as having a sense of community or local champions. Its a very unrealistic portrayal of a very grim reality which you can never even try to understand unless you have lived it.
Morally right? Fuck that if it threatens my familys safety.

Bloody hell op.I think you did the 'right' thing but I would feel the fear and worry that your dh is expressing. I hope I would have done what you did because you're right, adult should.not be walking past children in that situation and not doing anything to help. But I would be absolutely panicking now. You have to talk to the school and they have got to put measures in place to reduce the risk to your dd.

If the police didn't come how would the not even know OP reported him? Going into school could even make things worse as then it would be apparent that she had. On another note my dd saw a burglary 7 odd years ago and I rang the police on her behalf and the police officer suggested her name should be kept out of it so I do see where OPs dh is coming from.

Yes knifing happens to teenagers v regularly where we live and is often gang driven. Schools here have knife arches and good security and we get letters from the school saying the kids must not be allowed to wear their school uniform in certain areas.

Reporting it is the right thing to do and if you aren’t’t living somewhere where this stuff has taken hold yet, you do need to nip it in the bud as it seems really hard to fight against once established as they become very skilled at manipulating the whole situation and it is tied up with drugs and money etc.

The DH is a product of his upbringing???
Have a word with yourself thumb what the fuck does that mean?! Hes sensibly concerned about his kid

You absolutely did the right thing OP, and set the right example to your children by doing that. I think we all have a duty to stand up and be counted when it comes to violence. Not to do so is giving the violent knife-carriers licence to continue.

I think it would be worth having a chat with the head on Monday so that staff can be vigilant with regard to your daughter. I would certainly hope that they can institute bag searches.

I don’t think you have thought about your DD here at all.

I think that is very unfair.

The first call was to stop a knife fight. I gave my name and I have no regrets about that part.

The reason I called them the second time was because I had already been identified and intimidated on my walk home. I didn't call to get him in trouble. I didn't see him commit a crime. I called to make sure the police knew that it was children from my dc's school who were involved and witnessed it. I want the police to contact the school. I figured it would help if the police could tell the school who was there so that they could deal with it. I was trying to protect my daughter. She was at risk the second he saw me.

Rightly or wrongly I have told my dd that if anyone asks, she is to say that yes, my mum said she saw a big fight but didn't recognise anyone there. She thought it was kids from X school beating up kids from our school. I've told her not to talk to her friends about it and I've told my son to not say a word.

I won't be going to the school. I think it will do more harm than good. I don't trust them to deal with it without involving my dd. (Calling her out of class etc) I've said that she must tell me if there is any talk or comments in school and I will collect her immediately if she feels worried. I've told her to go the medical room if anything is said to her then I will contact the police and the head of school once she is safely at home.

I am really annoyed that the police didn't get back to me.

I think you were right and the advice you’ve given your daughter is good.

I would also be annoyed the police didn’t come.

OP, your DH is a coward. You did the right thing and you also must report it to school. There are too may children killed by knives, anyone who witnesses/know/hears about incidents involving knives has a moral responsibility to report them to the police/school/whatever authority is relevant in given situation.

NO HE ISNT. He just doesnt want his DD to have repercussions.
It makes total sense

Ffs no he's not a coward.

Thank you, everyone. I feel better about it today. DD is not worried. She has told me that I mustn't worry and that although she knows how serious it is, it is unfortunately very common and there is always trouble of some sort going on. It's just this time it was a little closer to home.

For all the people who have called my DH a coward. Last night, I felt very angry and I was shocked. I was upset that my DH added to my worry by reacting the way he did. But ultimately he was angry and shocked too. His attitude was that we need to worry about our own and let other people worry about theirs. He asked me, do you think that boy's mum doesn't know what he's like? Of course she does. He's just like his dad. She doesn't care. So why do you? They are fighting each other. Let them get on with it and keep ours out of it. It is a selfish attitude but I don't know if it's cowardly. I don't think so.

When I told my dc who was there, they were not surprised. They said it's always the same kids. They are trouble. They've been trouble since primary school. Their families are trouble. They are failing at school. They are rude to teachers. Their parents are rude to teachers. They are known to police and in most cases social services too.

Everyone wants the government and police and society in general to do something but what do we do? These kids are not just fighting amongst themselves, they are fighting on behalf of adults. Adults who are involved in dealing drugs and weapons. It's all about money. It's about young men using young boys to build their own version of success and status. I don't know how anyone stops that. It just all feels hopeless.

Hi op glad you feel better. But your husband is right. Being selfish is good if it keeps your family safe. It isnt the kids to worry about but those troubled families like you say. Some people are so deviant that the law cant atop them and if social institutions such as the police, youth offenders, social services and schools cannot stop it, then sure as hell you on your own have no chance. There will always be shot families. Keep away and ypu will hopefully be fine x

Shit not shot sorry