Have I done something stupid? DH says yes.

[happy2bhomely]

I made an emergency call to the police today.

I witnessed a serious incident involving 30-40 children from my dc's school and a knife.

I recognised one of the boys and gave his name to the police. He saw me there and told a group of kids that I had seen everything. He is in my dc's year at school.

My DH has gone mad at me. He has said that if this comes back on dd then I only have myself to blame. He has told me that I need to learn to mind my own business. I thought I did the right thing but I'm now doubting myself. I also wanted to report to the school on Monday but DH says no way. This boy is in DD's class. He is known to the police already.

Did I do the wrong thing? I'm now worried that I've made my dd and our home a target.

Such a victim stance. I grew up in a really rough area and I tell you there are some amazing local heroes - neighbors, teachers, community leaders who stand up to this kind of crap all the time and they do make a difference.

So did I and I still live in one. I agree with you, there are some. But the problems are no better because society at large simply does not give a shit.

A fourteen year old boy was shot in the head a couple of streets over from me in a gang retaliation attack: it didn't even make the news.

You did the right thing but please please keep your daughter safe.

You absolutely did the right thing, but I agree with pp suggesting a call to the school about it:

a) they might be aware of this group/the leader

b) they can keep an eye on your children

Can you ensure your daughter is getting home safe? eg asking your son to accompany her?

@PuddleOfInk that is horrifying. it didn't even make local news? What area do you live in? Absolutely incredible that these things are happening

Morally you did the right.
Personally I either wouldn’t have said a thing or done it anonymously from a phone box.i have seen the repercussions from these things

What planet is your H on?

It made local news yes, conde. And I think subsequent parts of the investigation have hit the national quietly. But a 14 year old shot dead in broad daylight? That should have been headline news. If he had been a naice white boy, it would have been.

www.newhamrecorder.co.uk/news/forest-gate-shooting-mum-of-corey-junior-davis-appeals-for-help-from-public-1-5220373

This is not the England I left 45 years ago. What the fuck happened there, what changed to make it like this?

You did the right thing, but I can understand your H's point of view as well.
It would be good to ring the school first thing on Monday and tell them, in confidence, what happened. Ask them to keep an eye on your DD.

Nearly all schools have a behaviour policy which states that any pupil found carrying a weapon on school premises will be permanently excluded. The school might (depending on their specific policy) decide to instigate a bag search or something similar...

If it was me I would be moving my child out of that school.

I don't think my DH is a coward but I am angry that he has tried to put blame on me. I understand his concerns. I'm concerned too. But when I saw those children I just saw my own and imagined how they would feel if they saw adults walking past and doing nothing. Can you imagine that?

My DH had a much rougher upbringing than I did. He comes from a family that keeps secrets and never ever involves the police. His dad has been in prison multiple times for serious offences. He grew up with domestic violence. He was taught that the police were pigs who were after you. I was taught to find one if you needed help. I guess it stays with you.

I will probably be flamed for this but I am just being honest. The children I saw are nothing like mine. They are rough, rude and violent. They are angry and aggressive and I would be ashamed if they were mine. But, they didn't get that way alone. They have families and schools and something has obviously gone very wrong somewhere along the way. They are children and they looked like children. And they will be getting pressured into all sorts and face repercussions of their own for not following through.

I just wanted someone to come and stop it and to go and talk to them.

I can't stop thinking about it. They were like animals. Crazed and out of control. I remember the boy I saw being pushed in a buggy by his mum. What happened to him?

People have been saying things for years. It still happens. I assume because it mainly affects lower income people of colour and not middle class white teenagers and their families.

For the record, I am white. My children are white and the boy I knew is white. All working class. The group travelled on the bus from their school to a very 'white middle class' area. There are estates on either end of this area a couple of miles apart, known for trouble. All of the other 30-40 people were black or Asian except the woman who was throwing the punches who was also white. I guess this proves your theory.

I just keep thinking that everyone says the police have to do more but how can they if they are not given information? Saying that no one got back to me this evening so I don't suppose it was taken too seriously after all. I guess they see it all the time.

Lol at the posters sitting in their naice middle class suburbs, calling the DH a coward.

No idea whatsoever.

Its not a fucking victim stance some of us live in that world and have to survive in it. Grassing makes survival very difficult.
Of course it is the right thing to do...from middle England in a safe semi in leafy suburbs.
Dont belittle the people who are trying to keep their heads down and their children safe.

Can you ensure your daughter is getting home safe? eg asking your son to accompany her?

I wouldn't ask that of my son. He is in no position to defend her and shouldn't have to. Even a strapping 6ft boy stands no chance against someone with a knife. Fortunately, I am able to pick her up. She usually walks or gets the bus but I won't chance it.

My son has told me that it is common knowledge in school that certain children carry weapons and drugs. They are recruited and are loyal to bigger gangs/groups. They would be in more trouble with them than they ever would be with the school or police or parents.The teachers spout the zero tolerance nonsense but in reality, nothing is done.

It's so depressing. It's meant to be one of the best schools in the borough. You would never think all this was going on.

OP you done the right thing, however I can see your husbands point of view.

You are not looking at repercussions from just the kids it could be their
Parents too. 'X mum's grassed me up to the police, I wasn't doing anything i swear'

Unfortunately if kids are behaving like this it can be a learnt behaviour, they've seen it and been exposed to it at home.

Definitely make the school aware,
And take precautions not just next week, but sometimes they wait for things to die down before doing anything. They will know they are being watched etc immediately afterwards.

Fingers crossed though, hopefully
Nothing will come of it.

Of course you did the right thing.

Gang repercussions? There would be a lot more if people didn't take a stance.

Can you ring your MP and do you know any community leaders, helpful teachers or journalists, community police officers and police?

Keep up the demand for them to do something and get together with others who have been in similar situations if you can.

It's very good news that you know the boy's name. Gang culture survives through secrecy and fear.

If more people were like you op there would be fewer places for thugs like this to hide.

Lol at the posters sitting in their naice middle class suburbs, calling the DH a coward.

No idea whatsoever.

Completely agree.

And no, it’s not “a victim stance” to say that nothing will happen to the perpetrator. It’s by far the most likely outcome.

I agree there are loads of great people doing their best to improve blighted neighbourhoods but that has no effect on the fact that even if the knife thug ends up in court there will be no real punishment. Not because no one wants to do anything about it but simply because it is just not how it works. There will be no evidence and no witnesses. With the best will in the world the overstretched police are going to struggle to pin something on the boy.

Some people on here clearly have no real world experience of living in that sort of environment.

So by all means sit there with your warm, fluffy thoughts of the justice system and the ability of the police to keep things in check if it makes you feel better.

OP - I agree with you; it is fucking depressing!

And from your other posts you clearly know very well how things work in that sort of environment and yet you’ve still tried to do the right thing which is genuinely admirable. Much more so than if you were naively walking into it.

It is fear of repercussion, and no reporting as a result, that keeps these people powerful. Look at the Rhys Jones case. They very nearly didn't get convicted because people were in fear of them - thanks god they were.

And that 'wall of silence' that Corey Junior davis's mum stalks about is very real indeed.

If the OP had just ignored this - she'd be part of that wall of silence.

*talks about

Ginny I don't think it's right of you to assume we're all middle class in nice suburbs.

I think you did the right thing OP. You saw something possibly very dangerous/criminal and called the police, which is what they are there for. Even if he knows your dd surely it's right to report an incident if you see one? I would feel terribly guilty if I witnessed a potentially dangerous situation and did nothing about it when someone could have been really hurt. Yes your dh is right with the fact your dd may become a target, just let her know she needs to report anything to the school if anything happens

Oh, and yes, the press reports when it's a white child stabbed or shot - (Rhys Jones, Rob Knox, Ben Kinsella) -but not when it black victims, because our press is run by arseholes like Paul Dacre and Rupert Murdoch who have their own agenda.

Random kids- yes

The thug who sits next to my daughter at school and who knows it was me who called the cops on him and gave his name- no fucking chance

I am 5'4'' and stood up to a 6'4'' thug effing and threatening me when I took photographic evidence of his dog inside a children's play area.

I called the police immediately and they could hear 'the exchange' going on.

An old man witnessed the whole thing but after said because the guy knew where he lived he wouldn't be able to provide a witness statement.

Luckily I persuaded him to as did the police and the thug was cautioned and fined as a result and he never came back with his dogs.

Thank god for the brave old man!

Life is too short not to do the right thing.

You did do the right thing, on all counts, despite what your DH says. He is a product of his upbringing and conditioning, as so many people are but that doesn't help actually deal with these situations.
More people need to speak out and show up that this behaviour is NOT acceptable, and the police need to be more proactive and given more "teeth" to deal with the offenders, otherwise they just laugh at them and carry on.

I think you must tell the school, especially if there is the slightest risk that your DD will suffer any comeback. You must make them aware of what happened, what you saw, what you did and you must ask them to keep an eye on your family.

If my child were in that melée, I would be grateful for your intervention - if it were me who'd seen it, I would have done the same as you did.

Keeping quiet about these things resolves nothing. Speaking up at least gives some chance that something can be done.