Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Have I done something stupid? DH says yes.

102 replies

happy2bhomely · 12/01/2018 21:35

I made an emergency call to the police today.

I witnessed a serious incident involving 30-40 children from my dc's school and a knife.

I recognised one of the boys and gave his name to the police. He saw me there and told a group of kids that I had seen everything. He is in my dc's year at school.

My DH has gone mad at me. He has said that if this comes back on dd then I only have myself to blame. He has told me that I need to learn to mind my own business. I thought I did the right thing but I'm now doubting myself. I also wanted to report to the school on Monday but DH says no way. This boy is in DD's class. He is known to the police already.

Did I do the wrong thing? I'm now worried that I've made my dd and our home a target.

OP posts:

Mrsmadevans · 12/01/2018 22:08

You definitely did the right thing OP

Alphabetsoup4 · 12/01/2018 22:13

Of course you did the right thing! Oh my god imagine if the knife had been pulled on your DD, or she was the one being punched... ask your DH how he would have felt if every other adult turned a blind eye and said nothing then?

We are more powerful than we think, we can make a stand to say violence anywhere is wrong, by our actions.

I saw some boys the other day egging on a kid to punch the other one - in the middle of a crowd of shoppers! I had my vulnerable 4 year old special needs child with me but no way was I letting another child be punched and got them to stop straight away - mob mentality won’t rule on our watch!

However do talk with DD and tell her ANY small incidence she must trust to tell you, and possibly pick her up from school if she feels a little exposed for a bit.

highinthesky · 12/01/2018 22:16

OP you have of course done the right thing. Your family cannot be intimidated by children and your DH needs to grow a pair.

Wtf was the head? They need to take firm leadership here.

Just a few days ago I was in Maida Vale....and walked past Philip Lawrence’s school. He died over 20 years ago yet kids are still taking knives to school. They squander an opportunity that children elsewhere in the world would sacrifice a great deal for .

ThisLittleKitty · 12/01/2018 22:22

Tbh I see where he is coming from.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 12/01/2018 22:23

You did the right thing morally, no doubt there. Your family and daughter may face trouble as a result, but from the time you recognised the boy you only had problematic options, unfortunately.

Original poster

happy2bhomely · 12/01/2018 22:23

I will be picking her up from school next week.

She sits next to this boy in registration. Seating plan not through choice. She says that he is nice to her. She doesn't seem worried. I've told her not to talk to anyone about it.

OP posts:

Sandsnake · 12/01/2018 22:25

You were right. Your husband is a coward. I hope you're ok, that must have been shocking to witness.

highinthesky · 12/01/2018 22:30

She sits next to this boy in registration. Seating plan not through choice. She says that he is nice to her. She doesn't seem worried. I've told her not to talk to anyone about it.

You definitely need to make the teachers aware of this situation. They should keep her safe whilst she is at school.

Willow2017 · 12/01/2018 22:38

And what would your dh expect another adult to do if it had been his daughter getting punched or worse having a knife waved at her? Bet he would have plenty to say if an adult had just walked on by.
Tell him he is a coward and unless people speak up more childten will die from knife crimes.

Well done. You are a great example to your dd for standing up for vulnerable people.

mirime · 12/01/2018 22:45

You did the right thing, it'll probably be fine but just be prepared for if it isn't. Your DH is BU but he's not completely unreasonable to be worried about consequences.

LEMtheoriginal · 12/01/2018 22:45

You did the right thing but I completely understand your DH concerns. I would be worried about repercussions too.

FluttershysCutieMarkTheHerald · 12/01/2018 22:48

I love all the posters actually calling the husband a coward. Of course morally OP should report but her husband is clearly selfishly thinking of the possible repercussions on his dd.

Bumsnetnetbums · 12/01/2018 22:49

Shit. I want to say you did the right thing but....i dont know. Im ashamed to say I would have kept my mouth shut afraid of any repercussion for us. So i go with your husband.
I hope all goes the best it can for you x

PuddleOfInk · 12/01/2018 22:51

People saying the husband is a coward clearly have not witnessed gang repercussions.

It isn't that simple.

Jaxhog · 12/01/2018 22:57

There's a saying 'the only thing necessary for evil men to triumph is for good men to do nothing' . If no=one says anything, then these people will run riot across your schools, and your DD will be in more danger.

You did the right thing.

Ermmm6 · 12/01/2018 22:59

Morally you did the right thing.

In reality, your DH is right in that there may be repercussions.

You should at least be cautious / vigilant.

ShoesHaveSouls · 12/01/2018 23:03

The consequences of 14yr olds carrying knives is devastating - in London, this is a serious issue. You did the right thing OP. He sits next to your dd in registration - you don't want him to have a knife on him. There's been enough stories in the news about this already. You did the right thing.

PuddleOfInk · 12/01/2018 23:04

If no=one says anything, then these people will run riot across your schools, and your DD will be in more danger.

People have been saying things for years. It still happens. I assume because it mainly affects lower income people of colour and not middle class white teenagers and their families.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 12/01/2018 23:04

Ok, imagine another scenario. The OP did nothing. One of those children was stabbed and died. How could you ever live with yourself if that happened? What would your DH have said if the child being threatened was one of his and another parent saw but did nothing?

I remember seeing something like this on a documentary years ago. A young teenage girl was on a crowded bus when a group of girls surrounded her. Long story short, they ended up beating her unconscious. She had to spend three weeks in hospital. Not one of the adults on that bus stepped in. Not one. What kind of world do we live in when people would watch someone else's child beaten or threatened with a knife and do nothing?

You absolutely 100% did the right thing, OP.

ShellyBoobs · 12/01/2018 23:06

People saying the husband is a coward clearly have not witnessed gang repercussions.

I agree with this, unfortunately. My upbringing was in a very rough area and I was witness to lots of that sort of thing.

The problem is that it’s almost guaranteed that nothing will happen to the perpetrator. Even if the police act, there will be no punishment, and most likely not even a case against him unless OP goes to court because realistically none of the kids are going to help, are they..?

The really bizarre thing about this thread is that people are saying OP was right to get involved. The usual MN angle on pretty much everything is that everyone should mind their own business, whatever the issue being discussed.

For the record, I think that what you did was admirable, OP, but I can see the other angle too.

HermionesRightHook · 12/01/2018 23:10

You were quite right and if everyone reported when they saw crap like this happen it would happen less.

Alphabetsoup4 · 12/01/2018 23:11

I think if we see horrific acts and do nothing, then we are complicit. We have actively assisted in harm through our silence.

That goes for seeing any kid of any colour or class attack others, it goes for witnessing domestic violence, it goes for the people who stood by while minorities like the Jews were rounded up.

Of course it’s scary and exposing to say something, or phone the police. Imagine knowing that you didn’t - and realising the victim were your child though.

Alphabetsoup4 · 12/01/2018 23:15

Totally could no disagree more with this...

Such a victim stance. I grew up in a really rough area and I tell you there are some amazing local heroes - neighbors, teachers, community leaders who stand up to this kind of crap all the time and they do make a difference.

RainbowPastel · 12/01/2018 23:15

You did the right thing. However going on past experience I agree with your DH. I would ring the school first thing on Monday and make sure your Dd is protected.

Ohyesiam · 12/01/2018 23:16

It is your business op, and you did the right thing.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5