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Original poster

Hen Do

68 replies

BurningStar · 12/01/2018 11:33

So I'm getting married soon and a friend is arranging my hen do 😊

I have no idea what she's planning but I've asked that we do something 'adventurous' e.g. paintballing or a high ropes course. Then some drinks somewhere.

MIL has been asking DP about the hen do and asking who's organising it etc. She has said that she hopes it's not just drinking and that we're doing something in the daytime so that her DD (DP's sister) who is 9 can join in.

Now I don't want to be horrible but isn't MIL BU to expect my hen do to be based around her DD? I know she's going to be too young to do the majority of things. Tbh I think it's cheeky she assumed I'd invite a 9yo!

OP posts:
DancesWithOtters · 12/01/2018 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UsedtobeFeckless · 12/01/2018 11:39

No! Just do what you want to do - it's an adult event ...

Oblomov18 · 12/01/2018 11:41

Dp needs to talk to mil. No 9 year old should be going on a hen do!

FluffyWuffy100 · 12/01/2018 11:41

No way, it is an adult event!

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 12/01/2018 11:41

lad I'm not going to your hen do. High ropes? Yes, that just sounds like a world of fun. Not. And paintballing hurts - so I guess it's full sleeved dresses then...

StylishMummy · 12/01/2018 11:42

MIL is being ridiculous and no child will be attending a hen do. Why is MIL come to think of it?!

LyraPotter · 12/01/2018 11:42

It's a bit odd that she would assume the 9yo is invited.

I would tell her that since you have no control over what is being planned and don't want it to be unsuitable for children, you'll not invite the daughter to the actual hen but will arrange for some other nice activity like an afternoon tea or similar instead that you can go to with your MIL and her daughter.

Trinity66 · 12/01/2018 11:43

I've never heard of a child being invited to a hen do, that's odd

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 12/01/2018 11:45

Tell her you have an afternoon tea planned at home for her dd another time. Maybe include ladies who can't make the real hen do?

spugzbunny · 12/01/2018 11:45

I'm not even a inviting my MIL or my own mum never mind a 9 year old!

pownckel · 12/01/2018 11:46

Nip this in the bud NOW! MIL is crazy to assume that! A hen do is for the bride and not a 9 year old child! I'm sure you won't be overly raucous, but who wants to mind their ps and we around a 9 year old on a hen do?? Crazy!

Original poster
BurningStar · 12/01/2018 11:46

lad I'm not going to your hen do. High ropes? Yes, that just sounds like a world of fun. Not. And paintballing hurts - so I guess it's full sleeved dresses then

Sorry, should us women just stick to getting our hair and nails done then?

OP posts:
TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 12/01/2018 11:47

Hadn't even GOT to the bit about the 9 year old. That's just silly. Is she not able to get a sitter?

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 12/01/2018 11:49

No, but these particular things are not my idea of fun. There are other less girly things I would happily do but high ropes and paintballing aren't two of them.
I might fancy ice skating or horse riding for high ropes terrify me and surely the idea of a hen do is to have fun.

specialsubject · 12/01/2018 11:50

Adult event, no kids. Not sure why you want 'no control' but sounds more fun than the usual stuck indoors in a stinking spa.

GrapesAreMyJam · 12/01/2018 11:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

JessYouMe · 12/01/2018 11:51

I wouldn't have ever considered inviting my MIL to mine! Can't think of much worse.

Snowysky20009 · 12/01/2018 11:52

9 year old at a hen do? Nope doesn't happen.

And as PP's have said, just organise a little something for you, her and maybe one or two of your friends, to do something together like afternoon tea, so she still feels involved and is doing something with the 'grown ups'.

OakIsBetterTho · 12/01/2018 11:52

Your hen do sounds funnnnn, give me paintballing over yet another spa weekend any day! Tbh I'd speak to mil sooner rather than later (or get your DP to) and just say in a nice way that, while you love her daughter, it's going to be an adults weekend like every single other hen do ever!! and that she won't be invited. The sooner she knows the better really.

user1493413286 · 12/01/2018 11:55

Completely separately to my hen do on a different weekend I’m having an afternoon tea with with my sister and sister in law so DSD9 can feel part of a hen do type event but it never occurred to me that she would come to my hen weekend.
But don’t feel pressured into doing something like that if you don’t want to; hen dos are adult events

Llangollen · 12/01/2018 11:57

And paintballing hurts - so I guess it's full sleeved dresses then

Paintballing is great fun, but it does bruise. In my group of friends, no bride-to-be is allowed to do anything that could result in bruising 3 to 4 weeks before her wedding Grin (it just means some events need to be plan some time before the wedding)

The hen do should be designed for the bride-to-be, as long as she is happy, it's great.

OP, you MIL is nuts, your DP should have a word. What about a "girly" breakfast with a friend and the 9 year old or something (on another day)?

Kittypillar · 12/01/2018 12:02

She thinks a 9yo is going to be invited to the hen do?! Oh boy...

I'd correct her on that sooner rather than later if I were you.

Original poster
BurningStar · 12/01/2018 12:07

Right I've sent MIL a message just saying something along the lines of...

'Hi Emma, just to let you know, my friend Sarah will probably message you soon about my hen do. I'd love for you to come but if you can't get a babysitter for Jane, maybe we can go for lunch or something instead?'

She probably won't reply and will phone DP haha.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 12/01/2018 12:10

Tell your MIL your so glad she has a sense of humor, and it made you laugh thinking of your So to Be SIL with a Vodka cocktail in hand.

Maybe you could ask if they would both like to go out and do Tea and cakes somewhere nice, and you could invite your DM as well. Sometimes all MIL's want is for someone to do something special on the run up to the event, You could buy your SIL and yourself Matching Tiara's and go have your nails done...

rosesandjim · 12/01/2018 12:18

@BurningStar you've done the best thing op... can't wait to hear what she says Grin definitely not fair to expect you to invite a 9 year old for god sake!! Hope she sees where you're coming from