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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen Do

68 replies

BurningStar · 12/01/2018 11:33

So I'm getting married soon and a friend is arranging my hen do 😊

I have no idea what she's planning but I've asked that we do something 'adventurous' e.g. paintballing or a high ropes course. Then some drinks somewhere.

MIL has been asking DP about the hen do and asking who's organising it etc. She has said that she hopes it's not just drinking and that we're doing something in the daytime so that her DD (DP's sister) who is 9 can join in.

Now I don't want to be horrible but isn't MIL BU to expect my hen do to be based around her DD? I know she's going to be too young to do the majority of things. Tbh I think it's cheeky she assumed I'd invite a 9yo!

OP posts:
badcopgoodcop · 12/01/2018 12:22

I'd love for you to come but if you can't get a babysitter for Jane, maybe we can go for lunch or something instead?

I hope she realises you meant lunch another day, just the 3 of you. From that message she may have understood the hen do could be a child-friendly lunch instead!

badcopgoodcop · 12/01/2018 12:23

Oh, and MIL and 9-year-old coming to a hen do?? No thanks!

Groovee · 12/01/2018 12:27

When my friend got married. Her own Dd stayed at home during her hen night. She did organise a wee afternoon tea for her Dd and Niece's at a later date. As her Dd was part of the bridal party.

I wouldn't have been impressed if someone wanted children at mine. I work with children so enjoyed my free time.

AlexaAmbidextra · 12/01/2018 12:39

I don't think your message makes it clear that Jane can't come. To me it reads like if Emma can't find a babysitter then you'll have a child friendly lunch instead. Not in addition to.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/01/2018 12:47

A 9 YO at a hen do???
No way.
Good text but if they are actual names you may want to get MNHQ to edit the names out!???

Original poster
BurningStar · 12/01/2018 13:13

I just checked my message in a panic! I did say 'after the hen do' so I think I've covered my back! MIL has seen the message but no reply as of yet!

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 12/01/2018 13:30

Why not just be straightforward about this? Tell her that Hen dos are adult events but that we are planning to take your Mum, mil and SIL our for a special afternoon tea instead.

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 12/01/2018 13:35

She is making a voodoo doll with some hair of yours she found down her sofa.....

wheresthel1ght · 12/01/2018 13:38

I am going to go a little against the grain here and ask if you dp's sister is part of the wedding party? If not then I would explain to mil that unfortunately for this part of the hen do "Jane" can't be involved but you will be planning a nice afternoon treat with her afterwards so she isn't missing out.

If she is part of it then I do think deliberately excluding her is a little mean. Could there not be a part of it she could be involved in? Lots of paint balling places allow kids her age to join in, maybe she could invite a friend to keep her company if no other young kids involved in wedding? A meal somewhere is easy to accommodate her, it's not like she is a toddler. Then her mum could arrange a sitter for evening drinks etc.

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 12/01/2018 13:41

Young bridesmaids don't stay up late and attend hen do's ime!

hellsbellsmelons · 12/01/2018 13:50

No, I was just concerned as you have shown 3 actual names of people on your previous post.
They may be made up in which case that's fine.
But if they are real it might outing?

MidnightExpress1 · 12/01/2018 13:53

Who invites a child to a hen do 😳

ItsNachoCheese · 12/01/2018 13:53

Id love your hen do especially the high ropes course

SlowlyShrinking · 12/01/2018 14:01

There’ll be plenty of hen dos for her to go to when she’s grown up. Yanbu, op. Hen dos are for women, not children

Butterymuffin · 12/01/2018 14:09

Why not just tell your MIL now that it's a paintballing do? That immediately gets you out of the 9 yo coming as there will be age restrictions, and you could have immediately suggested an alternative for just MIL and 9yo to come to. I'd message again now and not leave it to drag on.

greeeen · 12/01/2018 14:13

YANBU and your hen do sounds like great fun to me! Hope MIL understands.

Situp · 12/01/2018 14:17

How long before MIL replies saying how much 9 year old was looking forward to it and how devastated she will beHmm

MargaretCavendish · 12/01/2018 14:18

Could there not be a part of it she could be involved in? Lots of paint balling places allow kids her age to join in, maybe she could invite a friend to keep her company if no other young kids involved in wedding? A meal somewhere is easy to accommodate her, it's not like she is a toddler.

It might be possible for her to come to these things, but that doesn't make it a good idea. Paintballing with a 9 year old is going to change how everybody plays, and who wants to draw the short straw and sit next to a 9 year old at dinner and have to talk about 9 year old things? Does OP have to do it? It's her hen do!

Snowdrop18 · 12/01/2018 14:22

I'd have said ages ago, hen do is for adults only!

ObiJuanKenobi · 12/01/2018 14:22

I hate hen dos but yours sounds great!!

They are definitely not a child friendly event and that's absolutely fine, mothers need a little break too and if they don't want to be without their child then that's fine too, they don't have to come either.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 12/01/2018 14:22

Who on earth would want to bring their 9 year old on a hen do?! Confused

Have fun op whatever your friend plans!

Aeroflotgirl · 12/01/2018 14:25

You need to tell your MIL, that it is adults only, no kids. My goodness, who brings a child to a hen do Confused.

AuntLydia · 12/01/2018 14:27

Thegirlwithallthefeathers you should win a prize for daftest reply Grin I don't think you're invited, you muppet.

Nice message op. Spelling it out very diplomatically. I hope mil doesn't turn it into a drama.

ApproachingATunnel · 12/01/2018 14:32

Since when MILs are a mandatory guest at a hen do (nevermind her 9yo daughter)?.. I thought is was a fun day/evening with your friends?

BadPolicy · 12/01/2018 14:47

My hen do was absolutely suitable for children to attend because I have childish tastes I still chose not to invite my young cousins, because, well... it's a hen party.