To think it's odd that dh lied about this?

[Pinkwintersocks]

I probably am bu here. Sorry if I ramble on but I want to give context. It's about something that's none of my business, but I can't understand why my dh lied so that's what's puzzling me.

Dh works for a very small company, maybe 15 employees. He works alone a lot but when he sees his work colleagues he usually comes home and tells me all the gossip, so to speak. If there's a new employee dh always tells me about them if they're married, if they've got kids, i never ask, but dh just tells me, I suppose doing the type of job he does it's just something to talk about., but he even tells me personal things about colleagues that they've told him.

Anyway we were discussing holidays and dh mentioned that one workmate, I'll call him Fred, has been taking a lot of unpaid leave, dh commented how this guy can afford it because he lives in a caravan. Now I know, because dh told me before, that this man Fred was married with 3 dc and had a really nice house (dh told me all this), so I asked if Fred was living in the caravan with his family and dh said yes and how they wanted to save money and live and outdoor lifestyle etc. I didn't think anything of it.

Anyway, just by chance and being a small world it turned out that I know someone who knows this guy Fred. A friend of mine was telling me ages ago about their brother who'd split up with his wife and was living in a caravan with his new girlfriend. It was only later they said his name and I realised Fred was their brother, and works with dh.

So, next time dh said he was working with Fred he was going to have to meet him to vehicle share, I just asked if Fred was still living in the caravan, dh said yes he loves it, I said "Fred lives with his new girlfriend now doesn't he", dh said no what gave you that idea? So I told him that I knew someone that knew Fred and how he was divorcing.

Dh then said how Fred had split up from his wife, but they'd got back together (this isn't true either).

I know none of it is any of my business but I can't understand why dh made a point of lying.

Its a non issue.
Your dh knows half the story or doesn't care about the details like most men.

...and by posting about this triviality [making a mountain out of a mole hill] I really would wonder if you don't have issues that need looked at in your own relationship tbh.

^ and I am not trying to be nasty. Just maybe time to reflect.

Well dh does usually like telling me details so perhaps not quite like 'most men'.

I mean gosh he even tells me about problems his workmates girlfriend is having at work, what they did at the weekend, what they ate, what they're thinking of buying, what money problems they're having. About his bosses marital problems, I hear it all.

None of it matters to me, it's just gossip. It only matters that dh lied unnecessarily.

You are both nasty little gossips aren't you. How can you get so involved in the living arrangements and talking to/telling multiple people about the love life of someone you haven't even met. There might be something going on Fred doesn't want to share with all and sundry MYOB.

Maybe you need to look at your life and work out how to make it more fulfilling. Seriously, you are way over invested in this.

None of it matters to me, it's just gossip

it doesn't matter to you are you happily gossip about other people, how would feel if you were having difficult and painful relationship problems and people you hadn't even met were talking, commenting and giving opinions about you?

For someone who doesn't socialise, your husband seems to know an awful lot about his colleagues and their personal lives. Maybe in some way he feels the need to be first with the gossip and didn't like to admit even to himself that you knew something he didn't?

Not to stereotype but it sounds like your DH is a typical guy who doesn't keep track of stories.

Or maybe he's shagging Fred in the caravan?

Yikes that was harsh by weallgavewings.
For what its worth OP my husband and i share all of our ‘gossip’ with each other too. Nothing nasty about it at all....we just share everything with each other because we are best friends.

Neither of us are nasty at all.

Dh tells me things. I haven't shared with anyone, other people have told me things by chance and I haven't let on about the connection so as not to cause awkwardness.

If a friend tells you about problems a relative is having do you just tell them to shut up that you don't want to hear it?

As I say the only bit I actually care about is the bit where dh lied.

op is having conversations about Fred with other people who know him and then feeding back what she's managed to find out. She is spreading gossip about Fred (who she doesn't even know) between two people who know him. Nasty in my book.

I wonder if your dh tells Fred and others all about your sex life, what you’ve had for dinner, the spot on the bathroom tiles that won’t come off.

Is his job incredibly boring?

I wouldn't tell your dh anything about my personal life either- he obviously can't keep his mouth shut!

"For what its worth OP my husband and i share all of our ‘gossip’ with each other too. Nothing nasty about it at all....we just share everything with each other because we are best friends"
Even things you've been asked to keep quiet about?

I'm not feeding anything back because dh already knew that Fred was divorcing.

Who knows for sure what dh tells friends and colleagues. I doubt he talks about our sex life but I'm sure he tells people other things.

It does seem kind of weird alright but I honestly can't even think of any possible explanation as to why he would lie about it other than :

Littlebitshort
Hmmm maybe hes miffed that you got more details about the goss than he did

I don't know that dh has shared anything with me that he's been asked to keep quiet about.

It was no secret that Fred was divorcing he brought his girlfriend to the Christmas party.

Also, you and DH sound like you have a great relationship Pinkwintersocks

Your DH is spending time with Fred in his van and covering his tracks😂

Well some people just lie don't they.
To make their life more interesting, maybe, to hold others attention better? . Or that child-like thing of wanting to see what it's like to manipulate reality.
I'm Sure psychologists have explanations for it, but mostly it's just something that some people do. There isn't a reason beyond subtle/ complex psychological one.

Maybe Fred’s being telling stories or DH has not confused. Doubt this is a real lie or there is anything behind it as it’s meaningless

This is the most bizzare thread of the day.

I think my assumption would be your husband didn't know the full story. That's why he looked confused. He probably is over invested in gossiping about his work mates, for whatever reason, and likes to think he knows it all.

I see no reason for him to lie, other than he prides himself on knowing everyone's personal life and all the gossip and was caught on the back foot, so lied to pretend he knew.

I'm not sure I'd fancy being with a bloke who was a gossiping busy body. Not my bag at all.

My husband and i even share stuff that we have been told to keep quiet yes. However i do tell my husband not to repeat what i have told him and he has kept his word. We are married so for me this means we share everything and we treat each other as one. It works for us! I dont see it as ‘gossiping’ between husband and wife.

I'm not sure I'd fancy being with a bloke who was a gossiping busy body. Not my bag at all

This.

Reminds me of a quote:
"Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss People"

I imagine OP that you're uncomfortable with him conveying this information to you, full stop, and its manifesting itself in this way.

My exH talks about people all the time. This thread has touched a nerve.

Do you know why DH feels the need to regale you with these tales?

i should say that some chit chat about people is unavoidable in a relationship, of course, and not everything is about debating etc.

ill stop digging now ..