To think it's odd that dh lied about this?

[Pinkwintersocks]

I probably am bu here. Sorry if I ramble on but I want to give context. It's about something that's none of my business, but I can't understand why my dh lied so that's what's puzzling me.

Dh works for a very small company, maybe 15 employees. He works alone a lot but when he sees his work colleagues he usually comes home and tells me all the gossip, so to speak. If there's a new employee dh always tells me about them if they're married, if they've got kids, i never ask, but dh just tells me, I suppose doing the type of job he does it's just something to talk about., but he even tells me personal things about colleagues that they've told him.

Anyway we were discussing holidays and dh mentioned that one workmate, I'll call him Fred, has been taking a lot of unpaid leave, dh commented how this guy can afford it because he lives in a caravan. Now I know, because dh told me before, that this man Fred was married with 3 dc and had a really nice house (dh told me all this), so I asked if Fred was living in the caravan with his family and dh said yes and how they wanted to save money and live and outdoor lifestyle etc. I didn't think anything of it.

Anyway, just by chance and being a small world it turned out that I know someone who knows this guy Fred. A friend of mine was telling me ages ago about their brother who'd split up with his wife and was living in a caravan with his new girlfriend. It was only later they said his name and I realised Fred was their brother, and works with dh.

So, next time dh said he was working with Fred he was going to have to meet him to vehicle share, I just asked if Fred was still living in the caravan, dh said yes he loves it, I said "Fred lives with his new girlfriend now doesn't he", dh said no what gave you that idea? So I told him that I knew someone that knew Fred and how he was divorcing.

Dh then said how Fred had split up from his wife, but they'd got back together (this isn't true either).

I know none of it is any of my business but I can't understand why dh made a point of lying.

Who cares

Do your DH and Fred go out drinking etc sometimes? Maybe it was a better story to tell you that he was going out with a married man with children than that he was going out with a single (for a while) man who had just left his wife and kids?

This is all pure speculation on my part.

Do your DH and Fred go out drinking etc sometimes? Maybe it was a better story to tell you that he was going out with a married man with children than that he was going out with a single (for a while) man who had just left his wife and kids?

This is all pure speculation on my part.

Did Fred tell him in confidence so your dp didn't want to tell you the full story because he was afraid you would gossip?

Weepingangel I honestly don't. Someone told me about Fred as he's their brother and I put two and two together. I didn't even let on that Fred worked with dh.

I don't grill dh about his work colleagues but he likes telling me, he comes home and says "you know Bob, he's done this", "you know Bill, his wife has done this". I just listen.

I asked dh why did he lie he just got all cagey and said he doesn't even like Fred.

Perhaps he doesn't think it's any of your business whether his workmate is living with his girlfriend/back with his wife? Why are you so interested in this man Fred anyway? His life isn't a soap opera for your enjoyment.

Agree with Pippa!

No he never socialises with Fred, because that would have explained it. He doesn't socialise with any of his colleagues.

Yeah, I guess it is a bit weird. Has he lied about random stuff in general?

erhaps he doesn't think it's any of your business whether his workmate is living with his girlfriend/back with his wife? Why are you so interested in this man Fred anyway? His life isn't a soap opera for your enjoyment.

Except she only knows anything about Fred because of her dh's gossip.

She wasn't gossiping about Fred to others. someone else told her about a friend and she put two and two together that the friend was Fred.

Op only cares because her husband is potentially lying about random stuff to her not because she is overly invested in fred

Op doesn't actually give a stuff about Fred as far as I can tell and the lie could have been about anything.

Thanks bobs that exactly it.

I don't actually care about Fred, although it may seem so, I'm puzzled why dh lied about something so random.

Yes.

I would not be ok with this, actually.

Why lie to you?

Ask again - pin him down.

Why lie to you??? It shouldn't make any difference whatsoever.

Mind you - the reason will most likely have something to do with your DH and he's being cagey because he feels silly, not because there is any deeper story. Eg he initially didn't know Fred lived there alone, then when you asked he just riffed on it saying they wanted to save money - just made it up without really thinking then later found out about the split. Then you bring it up, he tries to maintain his story, he finds out you knew, he felt silly and shut you down. He now looks like a complete weirdo so doesn't want to talk about it any more!

it seems he tells you EVERYTHING, but then not quite. His form for gossip would surely include the twists and turns, which he knew, but did not gossip about. Hmmmmm. Idk. Intrigued.

"Right," said Fred, "Both of us together
One each end and steady as we go."
Tried to shift it, couldn't even lift it
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea....

OP, is it possible that Fred confides in your DH and made him promise not to tell anyone, even you, about his situation? And that your DH is trying to keep to his side of that bargain? Many people are humiliated by a divorce, and don't want to be the subject of, well,.... gossip.

What are the timelines on when info/gossip was disclosed?
Could it have been that Fred lied to your DH initially and this is what he passed on to you. Then your DH only suspected the truth or heard it from someone else so didnt want to pass on something that was not from the horses mouth? Or he found out the truth and then they got back together so respected his privacy and didnt want to gossip as all is now good again?
Are the family back together?

Maybe your DH felt foolish believing the "all the family have moved into a caravan to have holidays" - so didnt want to update when he knew or heard otherwise from another source or even the horses mouth as that had been bull in the first place?

Whiskyowl

Yes I guess it's possibly that Fred had talked to dh and asked him to keep quiet. Dh gossips to me but I suppose if he was asked to keep quiet then he could be trusted.

He may be the sort of person who has to know absolutely everything about everyone, or he doesn't feel safe. Hence him recalling every detail of what sauce Billy in Accounts had on his spaghetti last night and said it was very nice.
Therefore because you knew more than him, he had to dispute it?
Otherwise I'd imagine Fred lied to work about the girlfriend. He probably didn't tell them why himself and the wife split up. And then he lied about them getting back together, or just let work believe they did when in fact he's living with the girlfriend.

OP How long have you been with DH? Im asking because if its not long you may just be discovering something new about him. Some people just tell lies. I had a friend whos DH used to make up random storys about anything. Also he would tell a true story like your DH did but lie about odd details. Absolutely no reason for doing it i dont think but it was just really odd. Maybe he just cant help telling lies, kinda like an addiction. If its too late to bring up the conversation again i would just make a mental note of it and keep an eye on his story telling

The timelines are, about 6 months ago a sort of friend told me about Fred splitting from his wife, selling house and moving to a caravan. Only I didn't know it was that Fred.

Dh mentioned only just after Xmas about Fred living in a caravan, I thought nothing of it but did think it was strange to sell a nice house and move your 3 dc into a caravan which was why I asked "what with all his family". And dh said yes.

It was literally the last few days that friend disclosed that it was the same Fred, I realised this when she said his name and where he worked but I didn't let on that my dh works with Fred.

It was then I asked dh if Fred lived with his new girlfriend and dh looked confused like what new girlfriend. I asked him outright isn't Fred divorcing. Dh point blank denied this and only let on when I said I knew, but said they'd got back together.

Been with dh 10 years.

Also Fred brought new girlfriend to the Christmas do but I just assumed it was his wife.

Dh even made up a story about how Fred was only with the new girlfriend a week (all not true).

Hmmm maybe hes miffed that you got more details about the goss than he did

Tell him hes not your only gossip queen

I think your DH is a little gossip, and that he doesnt know as much as he thinks he does, and was shocked when you inadvertently informed him otherwise.😂
I also, don't think you give a flying fig about Fred !