Endo isn't a 'real' thing though is it?

[Arkangel]

Said by my SIL. AIBU to be offended and to think this is a very uneducated opinion?

My endometriosis is painful and I haven't had an 'attack' in a good couple of months. So today I've been laid on the couch with a hot water bottle applying for jobs and stuff, I have an interview this afternoon and have been to two other positive interviews this week. I'm in a relatively high level of pain but I'm so used to it it doesn't particularly effect what I'm doing as long as I listen to my body and don't overdo it.

SIL visited this morning with my brother, who was picking up the pressure washer and then helped himself to a sandwich, and she came out with that little pearl. Like I'm not making enough effort to get a job because I'm on my Couch, in my House...

The conversation literally went from the new set of mugs I have (they are beautiful) to "you know you'll struggle for work if you're like this" gestures with hand at my abdomen "do you think that's why they sacked you"...
Me: " um, no. Endometriosis has never affected my job unless I have to take time for scans or operations and I haven't had either in the last three months"
Her with this fake sympathy expression "but it's not a real thing though is it? Like, biologically you're not on your period. Do you think it's just in your head because I've never seen you take painkillers so it can't be that bad. Maybe just try to be positive and ignore it and it'll go away"

WHAT??????

(I won't drip feed, SIL is awful, she thinks so much of herself and really she has no right to because she's not all that at all, i don't like her and she has a habit of snarky comments at me knowing that I wouldn't tell my brother)

I'm sorry I'm dumping on you all again but it's so much easier to post here than, I don't know, throw a vase at her head. I've been out of work four days!!!

Hey OK!

Tell your SIL to fuck off

I also suffer with endo and have been used to, in the past, comments such as " you look fine to me " " oh here we go again, it can't be that bad" the list goes on and up to people/family in the past thinking I'd been making it up,until all my operations and boxes and boxes of prescription painkillers including morphine and oramorph, constant heat patches and even sleeping tablets to knock me out so I can get some rest

I can't stand people who think it's nothing

I always try to educate and send a link to the endo uk website

Also I'm an admin for a closed endo support page where others do get it :)

• Hey OP

YANBU, she's an asshole. Maybe she should ask gynae surgeons specialising in endometriosis exactly why they're excising women's insides or lasering them, after all it's not a real thing. Sorry, that's really angered me. As someone who has bladder and bowel problems from endometriosis it's attitudes like hers that disgust me.

YANBU, she is an idiot and she even sounds toxic.

She sounds vile OP. Id feel sorry for her, what a low unhappy person she must be inside to need to make shitty comments to others to make her feel better about herself.
Next time she says something like this I would openly laugh at her. "Oh SIL, you do come out with such utter bollocks". See whether that shuts her up. Dont give her the satisfaction of seeing that she has got to you.

She's a dick. It's totally fine to get dicks out of your life and refuse to have them in your home. and fingers crossed for the interviews.

ask why she thinks the NHS do scans for this.

show her scans?

I mean, you can't argue with stupid, but it is occasionally worth passing on information just in case it penetrates through a hole someone else hacked (out of frustration) into that person's thick head?

What a cow. YANBU, and I am impressed you didn't throw something at her. People can be incredibly ignorant about invisible illnesses. Hope you feel better soon and good luck with your interview!

Ah, how awful

I've seen it on here, though. Women who refuse to believe other people's periods can be painful and cause them to need time off because there's aren't painful or can be managed with ibuprofen.

There was a thread recently about time off for period pain and so many female bosses stated that they'd think less of a female employee who took time off due to cramps. Personally, I've been sent home from work several times (by a male boss) due to horrific cramps that had me doubled over in pain, vomiting and looking as white as a sheet.

It sucks that so many women have to go through pain like this every month and that other women just don't believe them

I searched for an endo group but I couldn't find one.

I'm angry too. She's one of those stick thin women who looks down on anyone who is overweight or GODFORBID HAS A HEALTH ISSUE and because of her job (she works for her dad, so big salary and no actual hours) she can go to yoga and spend the day at the gym and it's just really wound me up.

My endo was so bad early this year that I could barely function some days (I still did, obviously) but the doctor said to stop running or working out and to see if that affected the pain, it helped a lot and I had an entire contraception overhaul and it's been SO hard, and affected my relationship horrendously to the point where we have separated because it's easier than the guilt that comes from it, and for her to just dismiss it like it's in my mind.

I want to punch her in her womb.

Only response I can think of to that is to laugh in her face and say "oh you are funny!"

Stickytoffeevodka that thread would have really upset me.

I don't tend to stand up to her. I should and DP has sometimes had to leave the room because he's that angry at what she says.

My brother thinks he's hit the jackpot with her and I know if I told him how she made me feel he would let it affect their relationship and he's really happy.

Argh. The worst thing is I know she'll end up pregnant, give birth in a lotus pond to Tibetan wind chimes, not put on a pound and then go back to pre baby jeans in a day and then I'll get to hear alllllll about how freaking easy childbirth is whilst she drags the afterbirth around in a bloody bag for life...

It sounds like she chooses to be a bully and that's the thing she had available. If it wasn't endo it would have been something else.
Imagine how crap her life is and dont waste any head space on her.

Good luck with your interview this afternoon.

Your SiL is an idiot, I have endometriosis and it's a nightmare. I had a massive bloating/ovary pain attack for the first time in ages over Xmas, nearly passed out, couldn't stand up, dry retching. I haven't been able to work in a few years.

I hate that endo isn't a noted disability, but then that wouldn't stop people from ignoring it!

I hope you feel well soon.

Alternatively you could stand on front of her and stab her in the stomach every 15 minutes for 2 weeks out of every 4 and tell her this is what the nothing of endo feels like.

Ghost her. Don't speak to her or answer the door. Then when she asks you why, tell her it's all in her head

I’m not a violent person but I’d have bent her over and booted her up the arse.

Does she think it’s like have unbalanced chakras? What a fuckwit.

She ants to have power over you by interrogating your experience and authority over yourself. Not very nice people do this. Not very nice people might be not very nice for a variety of reasons - none of those reasons are your responsibility to help her work through. She's a dick.

I'll send her the 2ft of my bowel that was removed (partly) due to endo adhesions that were strangling it. I'll have to root around in the bins for it.

"I didn't know you'd been awarded a medical qualification, SIL! Congratulations!"

(But she's a dick. You know she's a dick.)

Good luck with the interview.

Oh, just seen whiskyowl's suggestion, which is PERFECT.

Imagine how crap her life is and dont waste any head space on her.

It's not crap. She's like an Instagram lifestyle model. It's ridiculous.
The only thing I can hold onto is that she is the stereotypical parody of that type of girl and sometimes my other brother will crack jokes at her that she is too vacuous to get.

I had a massive bloating/ovary pain attack for the first time in ages over Xmas, nearly passed out, couldn't stand up, dry retching. I haven't been able to work in a few years.

Oh I'm so sorry. Also, why does it make us sick? Why?
I also come up in hives. Which is super fun. My skin is on fire, I want to cry all the time and I feel like my insides are clawing their way inside out.

The replies to this have been really brilliant and have really cheered me up.

Oh it's definitely a real thing! My mother suffered with it from the age of 13 and I thank the gods every day that I haven't inherited it as she was told I may. I've even seen it - her consultant showed us a huge piece he'd removed along with a load of bowel (she asked to see it!). It was such a relief that it was endo in the end, as before the op all they could tell her was that she had a very large, unusual mass in her bowel, and that it was likely something very sinister.

Your SIL is incredibly ignorant about it. Has she confused it with some other condition? Wondering as several people have told me friend that her Fybromyalgia isn't a 'real' thing and it's all in her head recently. The worst thing is, they didn't mean it nastily, they were trying to commiserate that it's a condition you can't just see in an x ray or do a blood test for iyswim!

I would openly laugh at her. "Oh SIL, you do come out with such utter bollocks".

It's fine that you're protecting your brothers happiness, but there needs to be a limit.
If SiL is just a minor irritation, ok, but if she gets on to you a lot then your brother should know about it.

Oh my god if she said that to my friend who's in and out of hospital with endo and currently in a drug induced menopause at 32 to try and control it, following which she desperately wants kids but has been told it'll be v hard for them - that would be the end of your SIL problems, because her head would be pasted all over the walls and ceiling!

She's an ignorant idiot. YANBU.