Endo isn't a 'real' thing though is it?

[Arkangel]

Said by my SIL. AIBU to be offended and to think this is a very uneducated opinion?

My endometriosis is painful and I haven't had an 'attack' in a good couple of months. So today I've been laid on the couch with a hot water bottle applying for jobs and stuff, I have an interview this afternoon and have been to two other positive interviews this week. I'm in a relatively high level of pain but I'm so used to it it doesn't particularly effect what I'm doing as long as I listen to my body and don't overdo it.

SIL visited this morning with my brother, who was picking up the pressure washer and then helped himself to a sandwich, and she came out with that little pearl. Like I'm not making enough effort to get a job because I'm on my Couch, in my House...

The conversation literally went from the new set of mugs I have (they are beautiful) to "you know you'll struggle for work if you're like this" gestures with hand at my abdomen "do you think that's why they sacked you"...
Me: " um, no. Endometriosis has never affected my job unless I have to take time for scans or operations and I haven't had either in the last three months"
Her with this fake sympathy expression "but it's not a real thing though is it? Like, biologically you're not on your period. Do you think it's just in your head because I've never seen you take painkillers so it can't be that bad. Maybe just try to be positive and ignore it and it'll go away"

WHAT??????

(I won't drip feed, SIL is awful, she thinks so much of herself and really she has no right to because she's not all that at all, i don't like her and she has a habit of snarky comments at me knowing that I wouldn't tell my brother)

I'm sorry I'm dumping on you all again but it's so much easier to post here than, I don't know, throw a vase at her head. I've been out of work four days!!!

Stop giving the game away OP!!

Everyone knows that the first rule of endo club is that you don't talk about how its a conspiracy between those of us who like having multiple operations just for a laugh, and the NHS which has a massive problem with being overfinanced.

HA! Well maybe she could explain to me why I had to have surgery and struggled to conceive then??

Ark....have you ever been tested for any other autoimmune diseases?
I only ask as you mentioned the burning pain and hives....I too had Endo but was only diagnosed after putting up with years of pain which eventually led to a total hysterectomy aged 44 where they discovered widespread endometriosis involving my bowel as well
Thought all was well until 18 months ago when started with joint pains, iritis and fatigue....now been diagnosed with vasculitis ( after biopsy of 'skin rash ' on my shin which then broke down to huge ulcerated sore
Might be worth going back to GP and mention this ?
I'm now on treatment for this but it is a rare disease but often overlooked

I've been told by a GP that people just experience pain differently and being curled up on the floor with cramps so bad they made someone vomit was just because of a low pain threshold, not because endo was fusing bits of their insides together!

Fortunately, it was a locum and the regular GP is a lot better educated.

you could stand on front of her and stab her in the stomach every 15 minutes for 2 weeks out of every 4 and tell her this is what the nothing of endo feels like

^^^^^THIS!

That's really interesting Roomba because I always associated endo as having fertility issues. I'm not totally ignorant like OP's sil (although I suspect ignorance is one of her better qualities!) but definitely need educating. Will be reading up on the links.

"Ah, I know, I get period pains too; still, it's a good excuse for a choc & Netflix binge eh?"

An actual comment from a colleague about endo

Tell your SIL to fuck off

I'd email her this

www.nhs.uk/conditions/endometriosis/treatment/

Hi
As I know you love to work out and learn about the human body I thought you'd appreciate a bit of education about Endometriosis. It's an NHS link so you can trust the information in it.

Happy learning :)

Oh I’m so glad it’s not a real thing, I’ll tell the consultant who couldn’t remove every rogue bit from SIL’s bowel

I know I’m fucking lucky that I don’t have the condition, and having seen my super healthy, very active, tough as nails SIL curled up in a ball with the pain I know it is real.

Just as an extra bit of information for you.

I just had a hysterectomy 3 weeks ago for cysts and endometriosis. I'm in pain and would have ripped her a part if she had said it to me.
I've never had a sick day from work in my life until this.

Even medical professionals don’t see it as real illness!

My friend was just put on the pill after her GP diagnosed her! She has to pay privately to have actual diagnostics done including surgery and seeing a gynaecologist.

If it was a man’s issue they would have found a cure by now!

isn't endo when bits of womb tissue grow around your bowels? how is that psychosomatic?

Snowdrop18
Endometriosis and adhesions do not show up on scans.
The only way to diagnose properly is for a surgeon to open you up and have a look either by eye or by camera.

world peas and sweetcorn
It can grow anywhere- on the outside of the uterus, on the Fallopian tubes, the ovaries, the bowels, the kidneys, pretty much anywhere in that area of the body.

I'd email her those links that another post put up earlier.

Alternatively, I'd have a t-shirt printed up with another poster's words - You can't argue with stupid, and wear it next time she's due round.

She might seem to have the insta-perfect life, but clearly she's dimmer than a low energy light bulb. I sometimes wonder why, when we know how awful a person is, we care so much what they think. We're barmy, aren't we.

She's not worth the stress, and stress only gives us wrinkles in the long run. Forget about her and go get that job! Best of luck.

Yorkshireyummymummy- Mine was very visable on ultrasound and mri.

Also states in the NHS link I provided that it is diagnosed by ultra sound scan

Doesn't fertility depend on the extent of the endo? My friend doesn't have a problem producing eggs but was told that the stage of her uterus made losses much more likely, sadly. Really hoping for her that it's not the case. to everyone who has to put up with this shit condition.

whiskeyowls response is brilliant.

If I had a SIL like that I'd be tempted to ask my brother why he is with someone so ugly and vile. Surely he can do better?

I'm glad people like her exists because it means no matter how crap I feel about myself, I know I'm not as stupid, vapid and pointless as they are.

I hope you told her to fuck off. for you.

Arkangel you sound like you have a lot going on for you, health wise and maybe in other areas too if you and your dp have separated.

In your shoes I would really focus on yourself. On getting all the help you can for your medical condition and anything else going on for you.

I'd either ignore your stupid SIL, or simply email her the links with a "You seemed a bit confused about endometriosis, so here are some links to explain my medical condition."

I'd not really engage further with her on this, she is stupid and doesn't understand and she lacks empathy.

Other things in her life are going well, it's not her fault it sounds like it's not because of her virtue either, she's being supported by her dad to have a good job and lots of free time, to exercise and make herself happy! Try and focus on you and your new job that you are bound to get soon, etc etc.

I don't know if laser surgery is available on the NHS but it is an option for endometriosis.

All the best with the job hunt.

Stupid f*ing woman (your SIL of course!)

My own sister has said similar stupid things like “yeah I sometimes get cramps and heavy period” by which she means having to change tampon every 4 hours and take a paracetamol whereas I literally couldn’t get off the loo due to horrendous bleeding whilst also having upset tummy and crying in pain!

In most cases it cannot be detected on an ultrasound - unless you have chocolate cysts. It can sometimes be detected in an MRI, but not always.

Around 40% of women with endometriosis have fertility issues. I was told I would be very unlikely to conceive when I was about 24 so we didn't try until I was 33... when I got pregnant first month trying, with twins. You just never know.

Laser and diathermy are available on the NHS but ideally you want excision surgery - it is available but there are very few specialists trained in the technique sadly.

Angelic I had a locum tell me that DS1 living off chocolates from the Christmas tree for a fortnight wasn't an emergency, took him to A&E and they diagnosed cystic fibrosis. Are locums GPs who weren't taught properly?