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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get DS the flu vaccine even though his father is adamant he is not to get it??

95 replies

siensien · 10/01/2018 13:05

Over the past week I've been concerned with the reports about this nasty strain of the flu going around. Neither of my children got the vaccine when it was offered in schools - DD is too old to be in the category it's offered to, and ticked no on the box for DS (kicking myself now) - my reasoning I suppose was well I never got a flu vaccine as a child, my first child never had one as it wasn't until a couple years ago it was rolled out.

I am now really worried though seeing that this year it is flooring even healthy adults, and even killing people who were previously healthy. I'm a bit of an anxious person in general, especially when it comes to my children, and I've been up the past few nights worrying and worrying all day long now that it has been confirmed in my area. I am thinking that it is best to get both children vaccinated now, although I am a little worried what would happen if they caught the flu on top of side effects whilst waiting for the vaccine to take effect - but I will discuss this with the GP.

DS dad (who has actual 50:50 joint residency and PR) however is saying that I have only changed my mind due to scaremongering and my own anxiety, and he is quite vehemently saying he is not to get it. I keep trying to get through to him with facts and stats and told him when the school phoned and everything, but he is not budging, just keeps shouting HE IS NOT TO GET IT. NO WAY etc on the phone.

I am just at a loss of what to do in this situation. I would hate it if it was the other way round and he made a decision like this going against me, and I am really uncomfortable with just doing it anyway when his other parent doesn't consent. I think all hell will break loose with my ex if I do -we had the same situation with the MMR and eventually I paid hundreds for single jabs and just did it anyway he was livid for months- and I really don't want the fallout. But then on the other hand, I really REALLY do not want the children contracting this flu without at least some protection (according to GP it's 60% effective and if they do get it despite the vaccine it will be milder, whether that's correct I don't know but i do trust the GP).

I thought about getting it and not telling him, but then quickly put that out my head as it's unfair all round, esp on DS and potentially dangerous if his dad doesn't have the full facts when he has him all weekend.

My sister said I should just get it done and text him to tell him on the way there.

I just don't know what to do!! AIBU?? And does anyone have any medical knowledge, or what would you do?? no flaming please as I am trying to do the right thing

OP posts:

waterfall0119 · 13/01/2018 19:48

GET THE VACCINE.
MY DS is too young (like a month under the cut off point for this year) so has to get it next year. I would have paid privately if I would have known....
We all have this horrible strain of flu that you’re talking about and I can tell you from experience it is definitely not scaremongering.
It’s hit DS the hardest - constant fever, shivering and shaking, lethargy, not a single bite eaten in the last three days. We’ve been at a&e once and walk in twice in the last four days.
Don’t risk it if you can help it!

Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/01/2018 19:50

If it helps the flu vaccine is designed upon the assumption of which flu will be around the following year. It then mutates meaning about 30% are kept safe by the vaccine. It doesn't hurt to get it. But it's not 100% preventative!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 13/01/2018 20:02

Op your ex has pr but an equal share to you - you consulted him but he doesn't have final say.

Exh didn't want the dds to have the flu sniff as we call it in our house. I took them anyway and they have had it 2 years running. What can he do exactly? No adverse effects here and also no flu!

dadshere · 13/01/2018 20:20

The flu vaccine is ineffective against any of the current strains of flu- it has been discontinued in the US and the NHS has admitted that it does not work- it is not like other vaccines which should be seen as necessary.

MissConductUS · 13/01/2018 20:33

The on!y thing that's been discontinued in the US is the nasal spray version. Studies here showed it to be less effective than the injected vaccine, not ineffective. The injected vaccine is recommended.

www.cdc.gov/flu/about/season/flu-season-2017-2018.htm

dementedpixie · 13/01/2018 20:34

It has not been ineffective in the UK though which is why it is still recommended here

saladdays66 · 13/01/2018 20:40

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-42602394

Recent bbc article. Vaccine is 40-60% effective against Australian Flu. Worth the risk. I’d get him vaccinated. Your ex hasn’t done any research into it, he just sounds like a bully. Health is more important.

dementedpixie · 13/01/2018 20:43

Article says 20-30% effective against aussie flu but that's still better than no protection

saladdays66 · 13/01/2018 20:44

Dads here - you’re w4ong. See bbc article I linked to above.

Where has the nhs admitted it doesn’t work? It does contain this year’s strain of flu.

dementedpixie · 13/01/2018 20:46

The aussie flu strain has mutated so the flu vaccine isn't as effective as it could be. Still supposed to give some protection towards the other flu strains plus 20-30% against h3n2

Frauline · 13/01/2018 20:57

@dadshere , and others above

Please don't make incorrect statements on something you have little knowledge about

The childhood nasal flu vaccine is protective against 4 strains that circulate. Including the "Aussie flu".

Yes, flu vaccines are not 100% effective and the effectiveness rate varies from year to year - on average around 50% but actually higher in children (it works less well for the elderly which brings the overall rate down). We don't know it's effectiveness for this year as it's too early to tell, so any "news articles" anyone has read are made up. The vaccine could mean you have a milder version of the flu even if it doesn't completely stop you getting it - this is a good thing!. There is a lot of misinformation in the media so be careful what you read.

The NASAL vaccine was discontinued in the US specifically because of concerns about it not working against the H1N1 strain, which incidentally is not circulating much this year (this is not the Aussie flu strain) . In fact, the injection is used very widely in the US and is recommended for everyone aged over 6 months (covers many more people than the UK recommendations).

The side effects and complication rates from the vaccine are very low and even lower for the nasal vaccine which is essentially giving you a very mild version of flu to stimulate your natural immunity. So, it's more natural for those who prefer the idea of that.

It won't make you sick or give you flu. If you feel ill after the vaccine this is your immune system kicking in. Or you are unfortunate and have caught another winter virus going round.

Flu infection on the other hand can kill people and children are hit the hardest and catch it more frequently. So it is a no brainer - you should vaccinate.

bfgdreamtree · 13/01/2018 21:08

There is no need to be so rude. By research I meant that I look into the risks vs benefits as much as I can. No, I am not an immunologist - I work in Poundland!!

Then how can you research it? Your GP will tell you to get it, any doctor will tell you to get it. The only way you can "research" the other side is to listen to tinhatters and antivax conspiracy nuts, on the internet. It's not balanced research.

Just do it.

Frauline · 13/01/2018 21:09

@dementedpixie

The 20-30% in the article is referring to a study on ferrets with the 2014 vaccine. The way it is written in the BBC article is misleading. It doesn't mean this is how effective it is for humans and doesn't reflect this year's vaccine.

itsbetterthanabox · 14/01/2018 00:25

I’ve had it but my husband hasn’t. He doesn’t think he needs it but I’ve encouraged him to. He doesn’t have any health conditions so would need to pay for it.
What do you all think?

MissConductUS · 15/01/2018 00:11

What do you all think?

I think it's a lot more valuable than what you'll spend to get it, which is what, 20 quid?

www.vox.com/2018/1/12/16882622/flu-season-epidemic-prevention-vaccine

H3N2 hits people harder than other seasonal flu strains and can be especially deadly among vulnerable groups like the elderly and children. Researchers still aren’t sure why, but they’ve found that a flu season involving the H3 virus is generally nastier — with more hospitalizations and flu-related deaths — than seasons involving mostly H1N1 or influenza B viruses.

This year, more than 80 percent of flu cases involve H3N2 strain. And the CDC’s Jernigan reported that there were 22.7 hospitalizations related to flu per 100,000 population during the week of December 31, 2017, to January 6, 2018. That’s a doubling from 13.7 the week before. “We’re seeing a rapid rise in the number of people being hospitalized,” Jernigan said.

The highest rates of hospitalizations are occurring among those over age 65, but adults aged 50 to 64 are also being hospitalized in higher-than-usual numbers, as are children younger than 5 years old, Jernigan said.

itsbetterthanabox · 15/01/2018 00:26

Missconduct
Thanks
He’s 28 so not in those groups. I’ve just been trying to convince him!
I wish he’d done it back in October like I did but I think it’s still worth it now?

mathanxiety · 15/01/2018 00:27

When he shouts at you over the phone, hang up.

Send him a text about five minutes later, telling him that when he is ready to talk in an indoor voice to you, you are ready to listen.

Do not stay on the phone any more when he shouts. Just hang up.

..........

Wrt the vaccine - while this year's vaccine is not as effective as it should be, getting the vaccine is really a point of principle here, and you should not back down.

Your exH can easily google the ingredients. He can also look around and see there is no evidence of mass poisoning as a result of vaccination. He is using this to jerk you around.

If he continues like this, you could threaten him with taking him to court, getting an EOW schedule, and he would then have to pay child support. You have grounds to go to court - shouting at you over the phone, being unreasonable about vaccination, attempting to dictate to you what should be done.

Yes, the vaccine is not as effective as it should be, but it has an effect. It can prevent extremely serious cases developing.
The nasal spray is no longer being offered in the US for adults or children. It was pretty much useless for children.

You can get it done and not tell your ex.

SilverBirchTree · 15/01/2018 00:37

I wouldn’t let him shout at you on the phone. Hang up.

What is the legal situation? Are you allowed to make unilateral decisions about vaccines?

I am pro the flu vaccine. I’m Australian and it’s been a terrible flu season. Anything you can do to protect a small child should be done.

I’d be getting the vaccine

MissConductUS · 15/01/2018 12:27

I wish he’d done it back in October like I did but I think it’s still worth it now?

Yes, absolutely. The flu will be around until April and it can easily land a 28 year old in the hospital.

MissConductUS · 17/01/2018 00:06

Here's what it did to an otherwise healthy 10 year old in my area:

Flu complications caused boy's death

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