to get DS the flu vaccine even though his father is adamant he is not to get it??

[siensien]

Over the past week I've been concerned with the reports about this nasty strain of the flu going around. Neither of my children got the vaccine when it was offered in schools - DD is too old to be in the category it's offered to, and ticked no on the box for DS (kicking myself now) - my reasoning I suppose was well I never got a flu vaccine as a child, my first child never had one as it wasn't until a couple years ago it was rolled out.

I am now really worried though seeing that this year it is flooring even healthy adults, and even killing people who were previously healthy. I'm a bit of an anxious person in general, especially when it comes to my children, and I've been up the past few nights worrying and worrying all day long now that it has been confirmed in my area. I am thinking that it is best to get both children vaccinated now, although I am a little worried what would happen if they caught the flu on top of side effects whilst waiting for the vaccine to take effect - but I will discuss this with the GP.

DS dad (who has actual 50:50 joint residency and PR) however is saying that I have only changed my mind due to scaremongering and my own anxiety, and he is quite vehemently saying he is not to get it. I keep trying to get through to him with facts and stats and told him when the school phoned and everything, but he is not budging, just keeps shouting HE IS NOT TO GET IT. NO WAY etc on the phone.

I am just at a loss of what to do in this situation. I would hate it if it was the other way round and he made a decision like this going against me, and I am really uncomfortable with just doing it anyway when his other parent doesn't consent. I think all hell will break loose with my ex if I do -we had the same situation with the MMR and eventually I paid hundreds for single jabs and just did it anyway he was livid for months- and I really don't want the fallout. But then on the other hand, I really REALLY do not want the children contracting this flu without at least some protection (according to GP it's 60% effective and if they do get it despite the vaccine it will be milder, whether that's correct I don't know but i do trust the GP).

I thought about getting it and not telling him, but then quickly put that out my head as it's unfair all round, esp on DS and potentially dangerous if his dad doesn't have the full facts when he has him all weekend.

My sister said I should just get it done and text him to tell him on the way there.

I just don't know what to do!! AIBU?? And does anyone have any medical knowledge, or what would you do?? no flaming please as I am trying to do the right thing

Is there a court order relating to arrangements for the children?

With regards to SashaSashays comment. I can't comment on when vaccine becomes effective as I don't know but my youngest had flu in March, both years, so even if it takes a couple of weeks to work it wouldn't be wasted.

I have also heard the strain is not covered by the vaccine
It is. It is H3N2 a strain of the virus that we had in this country last year too so it is most definitely included. The issue is it will have mutated during its journey around the world which is why it’s more virulent this year and why the vaccine will never provide 100% protection, it’s a constantly moving target. It is, however, still the best way to protect yourself and your children (and the wider community) against flu.

I would just do it. I've had similar arguments with my ex (though not over vaccines) and my position is I'm a parent and it's my responsibility to make the best, most well informed, decisions for my children that I can. If my ex wants to prevent me doing something that is for the medical benefit of my children, he can pay to take me to court and explain to a judge why his opinion is correct. He's not taken me up on this so far. Likewise he is free to do the same with me. I will always listen to his opinions and take into account any new evidence he can provide, but the final decision while my kids are at my house is down to me.

Your ex can't even articulate why he thinks the flu vaccine would harm your DS. I wouldn't have even mentioned it to him beforehand tbh, does he run every single thing he does with your DS past you first to check you agree with him? I suspect not.

The fact that your son is already rundown ie. Stuffy nose etc shows his body will be vulnerable if it comes into contact with the flu virus.
You could make an appointment and discuss the pros and cons with the doctor. They know best.
As for dad he wouldn't have a leg to stand on in court. Its your child's right to healthcare.

YABU to not get it IMO. YA also BU to say you ‘research’ vacs before you get them done - unless of course you actually are an immunologist.

Why would his decision override yours though? We aren’t in the Fifties anymore, when the man would bang his fist on the table and declare the law of the land. Just go ahead and do it if you want it done.

My DD's father got all funny about vaccinations and flu things. I just got them done without telling him. Why do you have to tell him? You're allowed to make those kind of decisions for your son without your ex putting his nose in.

I had bad flu over Christmas and New Year and was very worried about my dds catching it, as it really was bad and I'm still recovering now. My 9-year-old didn't catch it at all (or did but showed no symptoms) but my 3-year-old had a low grade fever for a week followed by a mild cough. Gp said it was still flu, but it can be mild in children. So I guess we were lucky. None of us had the flu vaccination. We have severe (life threatening) allergies and vaccine reactions in our family. Older dd is fully vaxxed apart from flu.

I don’t understand why you haven’t told him to get fucked OP.

H3N2 branded very incorrectly as ‘Aussie Flu’ is covered by the vaccine. The Daily Fail link upthread is also horrendously incorrect quelle surprise!

I think you're stuck as far as your son is concerned but you and your DD could have it.At least if he got it it would not be from you and you would be in a position to care for him.The big chain chemists won't do under 16s but some smaller independents do.Mist of the vaccines out ATM do have the Aussie strain in,I checked when I had mine and my dds.

The news was saying the flu vaccine is only 10% effective this year so I don't think it makes much difference either way?

Rather than letting him lay down the law, why don't you tell him that as he's not given you any reasons as to why he doesn't want it, you will go ahead and get it done? If he has such a strong view, he needs to share his reasons, not act like a bloody dictator.

DianaPrincessofWherever - There is no need to be so rude. By research I meant that I look into the risks vs benefits as much as I can. No, I am not an immunologist - I work in Poundland!!. Which is why today I've taken advice from both my children's normal GP - could only speak to the receptionist though, and also just back from paying £100 just to discuss it in detail with a private GP.

NHS GP receptionist couldn't comment on anything clinical but said they are out of the Nasal and the Quadrivalent. She can give an appointment for the Tri jab but not til next Tuesday. Advised me just to not tell my ex.

The private GP gave me her opinion, and some stats and printed out sheets for me to give to my ex to try and persuade him. She said that it is best if I can get ex on side, but if not it's up to me. What she said backed up what I have read - that the vaccines don't give 100% protection but if they catch it after the vaccine it should be milder. That there is a risk of roughly 10 per Million that the vaccine will cause serious shock reaction, guille-barre syndrome or death. She said her husband works in one ofthe main hospitals here and the flu cases have doubled and they are seeing more respiratory-like complications like chest infections with the flu this year. She said the risks if they get a complication from the flu are higher than the vaccine risks, which is what I thought.

That is a really good point about not being able to get it anywhere - i so wish I'd just got it back in Oct. Hindsight.

So the NHS GP can only give the jab and not til next Tues.
The private GP I saw doesn't do it for children, but I called another who can do it tomorrow morning. Although again no Nasal left so will have to be the jab.
My sister is taking her baby to Superdrug tomorrow for the jab as apparently they will do children. But again no Nasal left.

I am guessing it will have to be the injection tomorrow then. Which leaves me one night to convince my ex (not going to happen sadly). My plan now is not to tell him tonight in case he tries to stop it, but to take him tomorrow probably will have to be after school, and then call him on the way and say that the GP called me again, I have given my consent and that's it. I seriously hope he doesn't then call the GP, but feel I have to at least tell him it's happening and not after the fact.

I have to thank the posters on this thread as you have given me the push I needed to just say I consent, you don't well take me to court.

Yes he will sometimes try to dictate things about DS and lay down the law and I hate it. If you anyone has managed to get this far, do you think it's best I tell him tonight, tomorrow just before, or tomorrow after??

I nearly died from the flu a few years ago, i was 28. My best friend is a doctor in a hosptial and text me in a panic (she is usually the most laid back person i know) asking if i had had my flu jab because there was a perfectly healthy (no underlying health conditions like myself) currently there dying from this flu and there was nothing they could do to save them. I had already got my jab but after hearing that i think anyone who doesn't get the vaccine who is vulnerable is a fool.

but feel I have to at least tell him it's happening and not after the fact.

Why? Does he run all parenting decisions past you?

You can't reason with an anti-vaxxer because they don't operate on logic and fact. Just ignore his ill-informed bleating and do what's best for your son. Warning your ex in advance can only create trouble.

No he doesn't run everything past me, but then again it's only mattered that he didn't at more serious times - for example once he took him camping whilst DS was ill against my wishes, and a more minor thing but it upset me - got his long hair all cut off for the first time without telling me. If he decides minor things it doesn't bother me but I went batshit those times.

You are right, there isno reasoning with him. He doesn't even listen, just talks over me, shouts, or hangs up. Apparently he told his mother it's because he doesn't know the exact ingredients and what is in the vaccines. My reasoning is that the v.v.v.v tiny risks from the vaccine are much more acceptable than the still-small-but-not-insignificant risks of becoming horribly ill from the flu. And that this year's flu seems to be worse than usual, as someone said.

I wish I'd just signed the form now and at least I'd known I'd done all I can. Or alternatively wish I'd just taken him to get it done last week upon first heraing about this outbreak, and mentioned it after. I always try to share parenting decisions, but he is not reasonable. I never learn!!

I would not give the jab to a child or a baby

Why isadoradancing123 ??

because my sister is getting her 9 month old jabbed tomorrow, and the jab seems to be all that's left for my 8 year old and 13 year old xx

As a healthy adult, I pay for ‘flu vaccine myself because even if it’s not a super nasty deadly strain it’s still fucking shit and if you can try to avoid that pain for you or your children, with a pretty safe vaccine, why wouldn’t you?

YA also BU to say you ‘research’ vacs before you get them done - unless of course you actually are an immunologist

Agree. This made you sound pretty ridiculous.

As others have said, the current vaccine doesn’t cover the H2N3 strain or ‘Aussie’ flu that is going around, so for this particular outbreak it doesn’t help. I’m 50/50 on flu vaccine’s- if not elderly, very young, have respiratory illnesses (asthma) or immunocomoromised, I don’t see it as a have to get vaccine. Also if you’re not in close contact with anyone who has any of the above, again, whilst it’s useful to have, I don’t see it as a necessary vaccine but a choice to have. If he is the PR, and you vaccinate the children without consent, and he chooses to take it back to court, whilst I doubt that you would have any changes to the current 50/50 care, they may change aspect of the custody agreement. Also depending on how acrimonious a split it is, I’d imagine this would make it even worse for you. Ultimately I’d think very hard, if this is in the best interests of everyone involved, and discuss with the GP what strains the current vaccine actually covers.

None of my 4 got it due to the gelatine. I also didn't have it growing up so don't think it's as needed as people make up.

What exactly are his concerns about the flu vaccine? (And children's immunisations in general)

I think getting it done to protect your children overrides his wishes