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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boasting about children

71 replies

Iloveanimals · 09/01/2018 19:20

Particularly on social media, but not just limited to that. Taking pictures, telling everyone how happy they are. How amazing they are and making out their lives are perfect. Capturing every minute of every day and showing and telling it to anyone who will look and listen.
I happen to struggle sometimes and am recovering from a long illness and sometimes people like this get to me (please be kind, it might just be me but life's been hard recently and I'm emotional) it's just their lives seem so flamin perfect and it makes me think, what's wrong with me??? I want another baby and can't and there this woman is posting all over social media how great her family is and literally taking hundreds of pictures of everything they do and making out everything's great. She just had a baby and is already doing everything that most people wouldn't dream of. She's got 2dd and 1ds all under five and acts amazingly. I have one dd who is seven and I struggle so bad!
I'm sorry for the rant

OP posts:
DrMarthaJones · 09/01/2018 19:22

So people are proud and happy, so what? Don't look if you don't want to. Sorry you're not coping but thats no reason to be horrible about other people.

whateveryousay · 09/01/2018 19:22

Might be an idea to get off social media? It’s not making you happy.

Polopolopolo · 09/01/2018 19:22

Acts That's the key word there. Nothing is as it seems on social media

Luxembourgmama · 09/01/2018 19:22

Sorry to hear about your struggles to have another baby but that women's life isn't really like she portrays it on social media

CakeNinja · 09/01/2018 19:25

I think this says more about how low you’re feeling than anyone else.
Fakebook is just for show, same as any other social media.
Perhaps take a break if you’re not up to seeing other people’s lives at the moment, it’s okay to do that.
Take care Flowers

Steeley113 · 09/01/2018 19:25

Life is nothing like what is shown on social media. Don’t worry about it.

eastwest1234 · 09/01/2018 19:25

So I agree with your post to an extent.

I have a DS and I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant. I haven't announced my pregnancy on FB and I rarely post a pic of DS....maybe 1 a year on his birthday? Boasting about how happy you are and how wonderful/clever/gorgeous your kids are is a bit alien to me because I kinda think everyone thinks that about their own children?

That being said, I'm aware I don't control other people's FB pages so I just control what I look at and avoid the "my life is so perfect" folk

Butterball17 · 09/01/2018 19:26

I think people who boast about their children and husbands and perfect lives are doing it because there is something missing from their lives and they are insecure this is just my opinion but out of my 5 good friends the 2 who always shared their undying love about Their husbands all over Facebook on a daily basis are now divorced! Also what you are forgetting is most people filter what they show on Facebook and only show the best bits of their lives.

RebelRogue · 09/01/2018 19:28

Would it actually make any difference to your life /make your life better if those people didn't post at all or were miserable?

shhhfastasleep · 09/01/2018 19:29

Totally get it. I wasn't on social media when my dd was small but the sight of "yummy mummies" in coffee shops or wherever used to break my heart. Nothing to do with their perceived affluence and more to do with their perceived "together " ness with smiley happy children etc.
I remember crying myself to sleep over that a few times.
I've since learned that a) the person or people I saw were having a good day or good lunchtime and I didn't see the bad ones and b) some people are better at front than I am but that's often all it is - "front".
I'd get off Facebook or whatever. If it is useful for other reasons for you, take the other stuff with a pinch of salt. Focus on you and yours.

Original poster
Iloveanimals · 09/01/2018 19:30

No rebel but it still hurts and like i said it's not just on social media. But looks like I ABU... Should just suck it up and carry on with my own life I guess

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 09/01/2018 19:32

I would unfollow anyone whose posts make you feel particularly down. You don't have to see things you don't want to on your social media.

It is true that what people present on FB is a snapshot of their life, the best bits and the things they want to show off. That's not what their lives are actually like. For some people, it's actually nothing like their life and they are filling a void by projecting an image that isn't true at all.

NataliaOsipova · 09/01/2018 19:32

I think people who boast about their children and husbands and perfect lives are doing it because there is something missing from their lives and they are insecure

I agree with this; definitely about the insecurity part. If you're happy with your life, why spend so much time and effort looking for external validation? My DH and I are very happy. Presumably people who know this will infer this from the way we are together. Why on earth would I tell everyone I know on social media how great he is when it would make far more sense (and have a much more positive impact) to tell him?

teabag20048 · 09/01/2018 19:34

Totally agree with you, it is hard seeing everyone's perfect life but life isn't like Facebook. Scroll past what you don't want to see. I think people who have to do look at me & my wonderful life 24/7 have their own insecurities and are just covering them up by pretending its all great.

greendale17 · 09/01/2018 19:36

Life is nothing like what is shown on social media.

^I disagree. My Facebook friends portray their real life on Facebook. Happy moments and sad moments

shhhfastasleep · 09/01/2018 19:38

The mum of one of DD's friends is forever posting love, joy and happiness photos. If I barely knew her, I'd find it a bit nauseating. I know she's actually having a really tough time health wise and I know it makes her feel better. She needs whatever boosts she can get, frankly.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2018 19:53

Sorry you’re struggling. I wonder if you’d feel better if you saw people expressing their struggles on social media? I get far more frustrated by self indulgent moaning on Facebook, it seems so attention seeking and I can more easily understand people celebrating and sharing happy moments, the good days, things they’re happy about and grateful for. I love my friends she family and I’m genuinely happy when things are going well for them, especially if I know they also have difficult things going on and still find a way to celebrate happy times.

Whether they’re grateful and happy or gloating and showing off is a matter of opinion and probably depends on one’s perspective.

It’s a worn cliche, but this woman having a baby doesn’t mean she has a baby that should be yours. Or that her good fortune is taking away from yours. Life isn’t fair but she’s absolutely not putting pictures of her kids on Facebook to upset you or anyone else. If you find it makes you feel worse about your own life, it’s up to you to pull back and do other things with your time.

I never feel worse after looking on Facebook unless I’ve seen yet more crap Trump’s been up to.

WowAnActualBaby · 09/01/2018 20:08

Remember you can stop following someone on Facebook but remain their friend. This might be a good idea for you? I’ve done it with a few people :-/

Try to think of Facebook as a person’s shop window - they generally only put on display their very best, even if inside it’s a very different story!

Prusik · 09/01/2018 20:12

I only post positive things on my Facebook. Mostly pictures of Ds that I find cute. In real life we have financial worries, have had relationship difficulties and I have struggled with MH issues throughout this pregnancy. The positivity gives me a boost. It's for no one else other than myself

Bluedoglead · 09/01/2018 20:14

i get that you’re struggling but she probably has things shes less confident with and I bet if you asked her there’s at least one thing she thinks you do better than her.

Be kind to yourself.

WowAnActualBaby · 09/01/2018 20:22

Just another random thought - if she or others are genuinely happy and positive as their Facebook feed portrays - if any are a genuine friend why not reach out to them in person? Meet up etc?
Some sunniness and positivity might rub off, give you a lift and make you feel better rather than worse?

Original poster
Iloveanimals · 09/01/2018 20:23

I definitely don't hate this woman,nor do I think her baby should be mine. I just don't get how she does all she does. She's amazing and it makes me feel rubbish. I get we're all different and ask me another day and it wouldnt bother me. Just feel rubbish today and she's awesome. She literally seems like supermom. I'll have to ask her for some tips ;)

OP posts:
RoseWhiteTips · 09/01/2018 20:28

DrMarthaJones

So people are proud and happy, so what? Don't look if you don't want to. Sorry you're not coping but thats no reason to be horrible about other people.

The OP is not being “horrible”, in my opinion. In fact I think a lot of the empty boasting that goes on is done form of therapy for such people. They are so desperately trying to convince that their lives are perfect. Beneath the superficial veneer, the story may well be very different indeed.

RoseWhiteTips · 09/01/2018 20:29

...is some form of therapy

Sashkin · 09/01/2018 20:30

If she’s genuinely boasting/doting “hundreds of pictures a day”, YANBU.

I suspect though that she is just living her life and posing occasional updates like everyone does, and for whatever reason you’ve noticed a couple and now EVERY post grinds your gears.

When we were struggling with miscarriages, one particular friend (who is really lovely IRL) seemed to post endless idyllic family days out with her beautiful kids and huge-but-close extended family, and loads of her friends would post sick-inducing #feelingblessed type comments.

Now I have a bit of distance, I can see a) she posts these “day out” pictures about 4-5 times a year, so not that much at all, and b) the people commenting are mostly her in-laws, who are allowed to be gushy about her kids.

Just unfollow for a couple of months, your perspective will return. If you are still annoyed in June, perhaps these people really are just annoying? I’ve hidden my new agey friends because I couldn’t bear the deluge of dreadful “wolf communing with a Native American while Shiva looks on” art they used to spam my wall with.