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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boasting about children

71 replies

Iloveanimals · 09/01/2018 19:20

Particularly on social media, but not just limited to that. Taking pictures, telling everyone how happy they are. How amazing they are and making out their lives are perfect. Capturing every minute of every day and showing and telling it to anyone who will look and listen.
I happen to struggle sometimes and am recovering from a long illness and sometimes people like this get to me (please be kind, it might just be me but life's been hard recently and I'm emotional) it's just their lives seem so flamin perfect and it makes me think, what's wrong with me??? I want another baby and can't and there this woman is posting all over social media how great her family is and literally taking hundreds of pictures of everything they do and making out everything's great. She just had a baby and is already doing everything that most people wouldn't dream of. She's got 2dd and 1ds all under five and acts amazingly. I have one dd who is seven and I struggle so bad!
I'm sorry for the rant

OP posts:
Eltonjohnssyrup · 10/01/2018 09:28

Boasting about children is vulgar behaviour and usually undertaken by insecure middle class parents.

I would say that was an incredibly vulgar thing to say, but I won't. Because calling things vulgar and middle class is vulgar in itself and smacks of a middle class person trying to pretend they're better than they are.

UnitedKungdom · 10/01/2018 09:29

Cross post with Elton😂

shhhfastasleep · 10/01/2018 09:47

Dh has a family member who is, frankly, a mean bitch in real life to people who don't indulge her. She is severely fucked up and has had her children taken off her . We don't follow her on FB but know family members who do (and did). Her posts are apparently all lovely and smiley and full of acolytes saying what a lovely mum she is with "hun" this and "xoxo" that.
She's toxic to be around but you wouldn't see it from FB.
Luckily, she doesn't live locally to me and we have nothing to do with her.
FB doesn't always show everything.
Hope you feel better soon. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

GiBlues · 10/01/2018 09:51

I once saw an article that said
“The Best Sign Of A Healthy Relationship Is No Sign Of It On Facebook“
The less you hear about a relationship, the better it's going and if you think about it they’re probably right.

sinceyouask · 10/01/2018 09:53

I know it can grate, but tbh I'd much, much rather see people boasting about their dc than slating them.

Bubba1234 · 10/01/2018 09:56

I always comment on these types of threads. I used to be like you I wasn’t happy in myself so looking at people happy was hard to handle when my life was going wrong.
I went off fb for a few years & through hard work & changing my mindset I’m now in a good place.
You need to stop comparing yourself to others. This woman has problems everyone does. Social media is not important or real.
In my opinion the most insecure people are the ones that post the most. I’m content now so I can go on now & be happy for people but I used to get a stab of jealousy when I seen people doing well.
I can see the ones who are desperately unhappy but they are calling themselves fitness experts & motivational people & I just feel sorry for them 50 instagram stories a day their lives are spent on their phones.
I once read “life dsnt happen in front of a computer or a tv”.
Life is getting out & about connecting with people & making your own memories. I have my struggles but I don’t let certain people get me down now.
Switch your focus towards your own life & turn off the phone xxxx

Eltonjohnssyrup · 10/01/2018 10:00

In my opinion the most insecure people are the ones that post the most

The thing is why can't the OP feel good about herself without having to label other people insecure or saying what they have must be fake?

The healthiest way is to be happy for other people if they are happy and also appreciate the things you have yourself rather than envying what other people have?

You shouldn't have to convince yourself what you have is better than theirs.

UnitedKungdom · 10/01/2018 10:11

Are there really no genuinely happy people in the world? Posts on here would have you think not.

I am 99% of the time happy and content, the 1% is a grump over some inconsequential so nothing that drags me down. I know I'm very very lucky not to have suffered anything painful or tragic yet in my life but seriously, there has to be plenty of people who are genuinely happy day to day.

When I look at Facebook I don't even assume people's lives are shit behind it all. How do I know! And why would I try to pick them apart anyway.

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2018 10:16

Comparison really is the thief of joy. I'd also advocate stopping looking. You cannot control what other people do, you can only control yourself and if looking at others lives makes you unhappy then stop looking.

Of course no one posts the full story on Facebook. Of course people want to share their happy moments. Of course some people are happy and others struggle.

Just stop looking, and think if your blessings. Stop focusing on uou cant have another baby, but on the child you have. What else is good in your life? Your home? Your social life? Your work? Your recovery?

So many blessings. Focus on what you do have and not what you don't and other people.

midnightmisssuki · 10/01/2018 10:17

Oh deap OP - sorry your feleling this way. I am on FB buy only post things about the walking dead or share recipies - all the pictures i have on there have been put there by my sister - some by me but we're talking 8 years ago) No pictures of my children except a post annocing the birth of my second and thanking everyone for the presents when my 1st arrived.

I would suggest coming off FB for a while - it will do you a world of good. Try and be happy for others, and look at what you have as positives, youve got a child, some women cant have kids. You might say the same for me when i gave birth to my second, my daughter was 2 and i had to just get on with things - cook, clean, look after both, people said i was so great but i didnt think so, i struggled - it was hard, i cried alot, i have no family help as all abroad and my husband does travel internatianally for long periods of time with work. Friends said how amazing it was that i batch cooked pies etc - no, the truth is it meant i had so many meals when divided so i wouldnt have to do it for the next few days. Sometimes you dont really see what happens behind closed doors. Be kind to yourself. Smile

LemonysSnicket · 10/01/2018 10:24

People don’t post on FB that little Jimmy has vomited in their car seat and Sarah won’t stop screaming Poo at the top of her lungs.

Social Media is a business now and everyone is their own brand, they post the best of the best parts of their lives and often exaggerate even those.

She may have a beautiful picture of all of her kids but that was 1 in 50 shit pictures and Jamie will only eat pasta and sauce this week.

Take all with a generous mixing bowl of salt.

LemonysSnicket · 10/01/2018 10:26

For example, my life on SM looks really incredible. I seem to have my dream job in my dream city with my dream man.

In reality the job is v badly paid, I’m riddled with ever growing anxiety, I miss my family since I’ve moved and my DP is stressed as fuck about work.

LagunaBubbles · 10/01/2018 10:29

Genuinely- the happiest people I know have never been near fakebook

I dont care whether people like FB or not, use it or not but I do have a dislike for people that come across as smug because they think just because they dont use FB they are better than others.

OPs issues arent with FB, even she says herself in the very first line its not limited to that. Its about resenting others for what she perceives as having a better life than her. Life isnt fair, just a fact.

Agree with this The thing is why can't the OP feel good about herself without having to label other people insecure or saying what they have must be fake?.

swingofthings · 10/01/2018 10:31

It hurts to be exposed to people having what you so wish you had yourself and making it seem like they are boasting about it (when they are only shared their happiness).

The worse for me was when I was desperate for a child with my partner. We both worked hard, were financially stable, and well, would have made excellent parents, but nature so it differently and after a miscarriage, we were told we couldn't get pregnant with IVF but not entitled to NHS funding and even then the chances were very low.

At that time, my ex called me to tell me (because he didn't want to find out from our children) that his partner was pregnant (by accident of course, although they'd been asking the kids how they would feel having a brother of sister!!). They were both on benefits, I was getting no maintenance at all from him, had to provide all the transport for them to see him, between the two of them, they already had 5 children....

All this to say that it's not just media that make things hurt, but the reality is that happiness goes around, but people don't tend to expose when things are not good for them.

Chin up, if it gets to you, stop going on Facebook and the rest, it is only going to make you feel worse.

Unicornfluffycloudsandrainbows · 10/01/2018 10:37

Have you ever thought she’s putting on a front and she is struggling behind close doors? Maybe her dh has been unfaithful, ill health in the family, money problems who knows. People are not quick to put negative stuff on fb but maybe she’s trying to be positive and as someone said to make her feel a little better after a hard day. I had a lot of ill health in the family recently my DF has terminal cancer Auntie having a heart attack but I don’t put these things on fb. I do however share pictures of dcs. My Sil lose a baby (epitopic pregnancy and lose a falliopan tube) you would never know if you looked at her social media but I know she’s had a bad time and sharing a photo of her dd cheers her up.

Iloveanimals · 10/01/2018 11:01

In general I'm not an unhappy person. The illness took a lot out of me and this person grated me a bit. It caught me on a bad day...sorry. I am happy for this lady, I hand on heart think it's lovely when people have good lives and are happy. I do think it's a bit sad to constantly update alllllll the time and try and paint a perfect picture, but hey none of my business. I was BU yesterday and I did let jealousy get the better of me, but we all have bad days right? Thanks for the support though

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 10/01/2018 11:02

Maybe her dh has been unfaithful, ill health in the family, money problems who knows

Why on earth would you possibly think that these things would make someone happier if they thought them about someone who seemed to have a good life.

It's really not pleasant. Hoping someone has a terrible life because you can't cope with that fact they are happy. Yes the posters could have these things, or she might just be happy.

AccrualIntentions · 10/01/2018 11:10

I had to come off Facebook altogether when we were trying and failing to get pregnant, because it made me feel horrible seeing everyone else's posts about pregnancies, babies and children. I didn't like feeling so bitter and jealous, so had to remove myself from seeing that stuff.

NameyMcNameChangeChange · 10/01/2018 11:10

Happy people work extremely hard to be happy

That’s often very true. I get a bit Hmm about constant ain’t-it-great posts but sometimes I wonder if those posters are “faking it till they make it” and take a deep breath. Alternatively just unfollow for a bit, they won’t know?

BeyondThePage · 10/01/2018 11:17

Facebook shows you a snapshot of an instant in someone's life. I am a happy person, I post happy stuff - not often - because I don't go on facebook that often - but if you looked through my history you'd see the happy stuff...

I had a heart attack last year, my dad was in a coma for 6 weeks on and off with a brain tumour before he died. Those events were important in my life - to me - but I didn't share them with friends or acquaintances online - anyone who needed to know knew.

peneleope82 · 10/01/2018 14:50

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. If someone makes you unhappy on social media just unfollow them. You can choose what you see.

I hope that doesn't sound too blunt. But I post regularly on my very private Instagram as that is how I keep up with a lot of my good friends and I love to see photos of what they're up to.

I resent the implication that I am in anyway insecure or unhappy or showing off for sharing with friends in this way.

Five years ago I was posting after our son was stillborn, the subsequently through my difficult pregnancies so I don't just share the good stuff.

I think with social media, it's each to their own and just unfollow anyone who makes you unhappy x

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