Laughed at - aibu to think its my fault somehow?

[ashamed1234]

I had a long journey today with a lot of luggage. Three hours cross country on train. Struggled very much with my bags. I'm dyspraxic and a bit awkward at times. I'm also tall and fat (because I binge and comfort eat), have spots because hormones are out of whack/trying to get used to new contraceptive. I know I'm not pretty, I try, shower daily and spend lots on smellies, make up and nice clothes etc. I can't do much about my confidence or my dyspraxia etc. My eyebrows need waxed at the moment and I hadn't straightened my hair so maybe I looked awful.

Anyway when getting off train tonight the couple behind me , looked my age ish, then nudged me and said oh you dropped something so I turned around to check and they both cracked up laughing. I know it sounds so minor but people have done this since I was very young and it brought back memories. In school it went to sexual assault eventually, boys and girls would 'dry hump' me forcibly or chair I was sat on, in classroom in front of staff . Teachers said they were just having fun and 'that's what boys do'. Had cream sprayed in my hair once, a full bottle of coke poured on me.. In public I've not had worse than like today, although a man once screamed in my face in a shopping centre whilst others laughed. Or people shout things out of cars. I've never understood why or how to respond.

Today has really knocked me as stupid as it sounds and I'm wondering what I did to cause it and how I can change it. I've new flatmates moved in recently (uni) and worried they will think I'm ugly or whatever too , and be secretly laughing.

I don't know what to do. I don't see it happen to others , maybe just don't notice but felt so stupid. There were at least ten others getting off that train too. They must have seen. It seems so silly to get upset, just brought back horrible memories and makes me wonder why I still have this in my late twenties.

The thing is I'd like friends, a partner, but the way I feel about me.. I think no-one would take me seriously as a partner and if they complimented me I'd think they were lying. I've never dated at all. Another thread probably .. just feeling really down and wondering why tonight :( I don't want to feel sorry for myself, I'm a mixture of angry and frustrated with me, embarrassed and just bloody sad.

OP, you sound lovely..ignore those horrible bastards..karma will get round to them soon enough.

Just try and hold your head up high love. Bring just the luggage that you can cope with, forget the huge suitcases and multiple bags they add nothing. Minimal packing was something I had to learn aswell.

Try a wheelie and a backpack. Just one item to look out for with your hands (referring to the dyspraxia).

Oh and I love the reference to contraception. You are obviously getting something in that department which a lot of people are not. Good for you!

I often think that people who make awful comments or humiliate people have far more issues than their targets.

Best of luck to you. You go girl!

They're just dim and don't have any other way of entertaining themselves
I agree with this. Sad bastards.
I'm sorry you were badly let down by your teachers. I would go ballistic if my dds were treated like that and their teachers responded that way and I've never complained to a teacher in my life, probably because they never would respond like that!

Oh that is awful, really sorry you were treated that way as PPs have said; you are not the problem here. The train couple sound vile, no decent human being would do such a thing.
Sounds like you have lots of interests and volunteering is a wonderful way to meet people.

OP I'm really sorry those people were rude and brought back horrible memories.

Ignore the haters. You have heaps to offer. Focus on the positive.

(I also love yoga with Adrienne on YouTube)

What incredible arseholes they were, and anyway how is that funny? You have to be pretty sad to think that's a joke, I would think they don't have much else going on in their lives.

Your school sounds horrific, normal boys do not behave like that! It's unfortunate that it happened to you OP but as you said you're far away from that place. Uni can be a great place to get to know people, join a few clubs, but don't put pressure on yourself. It takes time, so push yourself out there when you can but don't let any knockbacks get you down. I didn't get on with anyone from my course but I joined a club and had a part time job as a waitress, met some of the best people that way who I'm still great friends with

Hugs sweetheart it hurts so much , this has happened to me so many times. I threw myself into my work with disabled children, they loved me as l was and saved me , find something like l did , good luck sweetheart

Oh love. What dickheads you encountered today. And if I'd been there and heard what they said, I wouldn't have thought they were funny or clever. I'd have just thought they were idiots.
You sound kind and interesting.

You have had some great advice already. When I was in my early twenties I had no confidence and I went to a beauty salon and got some beauty treatments, including something I think was called Caci or something, it was electricity for the face it gave me a sort of facelift (it is called a non surgical face lift) and reshaped my cheeks and gave me a nicer smile somehow, and smoothed out frown lines, and improved circulation.. anyway, it was great. I got advice about other beauty stuff while lying there. Gradually my style and confidence changed. Also, a wonderful body shaping work out is Cindy Crawford "Shape your Body" - it is very old but you can still find it on youtube usually, it gives your body definition and makes you feel fabulous. As time goes on you will build on it and soon find yourself a tall beauty! That'll show 'em!

I'm sorry, OP. I think that sometimes idiots like these try to get a rise out of someone who is at their most tired/vulnerable (eg getting off a train with luggage after a long journey) because they sense that the person is less likely to have the energy to fight back.
Try to get out of any negative cycle of thoughts about what others on the train might have thought, etc. It is horrible but there are a lot of messages here supporting you and I hope this helps.
I also believe in karma .

I used to suffer from low self esteem and it showed. I have been bullied too because if it. I think people cab tell when someone had low self esteem and then because they are weak and cowardly they decided to get kicks out of making you feel worse.
DO not let them have that control, it is not your fault that they are the idiots that they are.
You are worth more than you think, never forget that. Never let yourself believe that you're not good enough or pretty enough or clever enough. You ARE.

But what were they laughing at exactly? Had you actually not dropped something? Are you sure they were laughing at you?

I've encountered people like this all my life. Not sure why. They seem to find the fact that I'm short, scrawny, and keep to myself some sort of red flag. I recently started a new job and there is a nasty undercurrent from a few people who I've half heard talking about me but not enough to ask them what they're at. One in particular asks every time I spend even a few seconds in the back room at the same time as any male staff members "what were you two up to in there? hmmm?" Implied joke being obviously a 'who would touch you?' sort of deal. Unfortunately for her I'm 32 now and don't give a flying fuck so first time I properly catch her out in a bitching comment I'm going to very loudly and publicly call her out on it. Fuck em. It says more about them than you.

Oh love. It’s really not you. It’s just ‘Look, a young woman with bags, it’s the funniest thing ever, and she’s struggling tehehehe and has anyone seen my brain? I believe I sneezed and it fell out’.

They are everywhere, but as you gain in confidence (and you will, away from that horrific sounding school) you will get better at fast comebacks and projecting fuck off vibes. I know, because I did. I had a hideous time at school and felt so awkward and clumsy at your age. I felt like I was built on a different scale to all the teeny tiny slender student girls around me. I was wrong, now I look back. And I don’t feel like that any more either. It gets better.

OP,if you'd like a chat I'm happy too,pm me if you like

My looks have changed a lot and quite drastically over the years. I had a period where I was often sneered at in the street. Then my looks changed and I became somewhat conventionally attractive for a while. I got harassed just as much, perhaps more, and while the tone was different, it was just as unpleasant.

Arseholes will be arseholes, no matter who you are and what you look like. It's their nature. They're just arseholes, they don't know how to be anything else.

Like the tale of the scorpion and the frog, you know that one? They need to cross a river, and the scorpion asks to ride on the frog's back. The frog says, "But you'll sting me" and the scorpion replies, "Why would I do that? I'd die too." So the frog takes the scorpion, and lo and behold the scorpion stings him. As they sink, the frog asks, "Why did you sting me?" and the scorpion replies, "Because I'm an ARSEHOLE!!!!!!!"

My heart is breaking for you op! Please don't take it to heart.

You need to learn to love yourself for you ❤️

I know this gets said a lot and it's like 'pfft how can you tell from some posts on the internet', but you really genuinely do sound like a really nice person that lots of people would love to be friends with.

I'd be your friend if I knew you in real life, you sound fun, interesting and kind. (Whether you'd want to be mine is another thing )

Ignore the weirdos, they're like that with everyone because they have very little in their lives and they feel shit.

Imagine how empty and hollow your life must be if laughing at strangers is how you get your kicks? Be grateful you're nothing like them OP!

You sound lovely, who gives a shit what your eyebrows are like? I was bullied at school too, it really leaves a mark. Check out some of the great body positive instagram accounts to see women of all shapes and sizes celebrating themselves and their unique bodies. By all means eat good nourishing food and do exercise you enjoy, but do it because you love and value yourself. life is too short to hate the skin you're in.

What very silly people they were. By not engaging with them you did exactly the right thing. There is no point having any sort of exchange with this type of person. They are looking for a reaction, if you totally ignore them then they are the loser, in their minds.

The sort of bullying you experienced does stay with you. My dad is an elderly man now. He has led a very successful life as an adult but his memories of childhood bullying have always stayed with him. He does say that because he experienced bullying at school he did become a more compassionate person than he would have been otherwise. He did try to use his experiences to empathise with others. He worked in a very macho area of industry where bullying of apprentices was rife, he managed single handedly to eradicate this culture in his work place.

This was a bad day for you. Try and put it behind you. It's a terrible cliche but every new day is a new start.

I'm hopeless at dieting although I need to. I'm just trying to do healthy eating and attempting to get more exercise every day just by walking. It does seem to be working for me (slowly!) but I don't feel quite so fed up as I usually do when I'm on a strict diet. I am trying to count calories too in a haphazard sort of a way.

I hope my random comments have helped a bit, Try and ignore silly, negative people, remember they won't achieve much in life with this sort of approach to other people. Rise above it, don't dwell on it. Think about the positives in your life. You have had success in the past and so of course you will have success in the future too.

Look at the number of responses you have had, what you have said has resonated with lots of us, you have raised important issues.

I wish you well.

Oh love, I'm so sorry this happened to you, and that people have left you feeling like you do. You are worth no less than anyone else in this world, and they were just being complete and utter arseholes. Please don't blame yourself - it isn't you. The fact they have nothing better to do than pick on a total stranger is a sad reflection of the sort of people they are, not of the sort of person you are. I'm sorry that the teachers who were meant to protect you didn't, and that no-one stepped in today. I hope you can see from this thread, at least, that none of us think you deserved this/that this was your fault. You sound lovely. Thinking of you

You're not alone, this happens to me too and it still makes me very, very upset thanks to experiences in school not too dissimilar to yours. I had a bloke on a bike (maybe very late teens, early 20s) scream in my face, he was the leader of all his other little fwends on bikes - and I think it was because I was wearing shorts.

What those fuckwits did to you today was disgusting. I wish I could tell you to not feel stupid or embarrassed, but you sound a lot like me so there's not much point in saying that, but know the thought is there. You have nothing to feel shit about, and I send you random internet stranger hugs in hopes that in time, this will fade and you'll get some of that lovely, deserving confidence back. Those people aren't normal, they're sick in the head to do that. What person worth their salt would even think of doing that to someone, let alone someone they didn't even know?!

Be gentle on yourself over the next few days and know that not everyone out there is like that. Believe me, there is someone (if not many people!) out there for everyone and you are not an exception.

P.S. That line from your teachers "that's what boys do" REALLY made me furious!!!! Why is it 'OK' for boys to be like that?? ...Here. Have another hug.

OP, I’m so glad you’ve had such huge support on this thread. Brainless fuckwits are everywhere. Pity them. Hold your head high and walk by. Seriously, their brainless antics are to be at best pitied, or better, ignored.

You have a good day, OP 😊

Pathetic idiots that's what they are. I'm not sure what they got out of it.
Sorry you had a bad experience op. You sound genuinely nice and I hope that you will encounter some nice people along the way.