To be annoyed at the midwives comments

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38 weeks pregnant. Just left the day assessment unit at the hospital as my own midwife asked me to pop down there and get checked over, babies movements had slowed and wanted to double check all was ok. Thankfully he is fine. Now..

I have a lot of stretch marks and I'll admit they look awful. I'm very small and carrying a huge baby, genetics probably have a part to play ìn my misfortune. My stomach is covered completely.

Got put onto a bed and lifted my top to allow for the band's to be put around my bump, she starts gasping and enquiring "oh god whats that" referring to a tattoo I have on my belly that has stretched and faded due to stretch marks. It doesn't look pretty but it's clearly a tattoo. Then she points out a belly button piercing scar that has stretched and split.

Then she continues pointing at other stretch marks, blemishes and veins you can see on my bump, commenting how badly damaged I am (those were her exact words)

"Wow you are really damaged"

Then made a comment about rethinking any more babies and laughed.

I was humiliated. I'm extremely insecure about my stomach because I know exactly how bad it looks, I'm only young aswell. I wouldnt have ever expected such comments from a midwife at the hospital.

Aibu to be offended?

I'm kicking myself now for not responding and telling her I find what she said to be insensitive, but at the time I was so embarrassed my first reaction was to laugh nervously and agree. What a crappy experience.

Will I be allowed to keep my stomach covered with a sheet when I go in to have baby? The thought of laying there exposed to that kind of thing again fills me with dread

Cheeky cow! That's awful op.i have quote a lot on my belly but although you can feel them and see up close they skin colour now

You poor thing! You shouldn't have to feel like you should be covered up now. Shame on that midwife, she's a nasty piece of work no two minds about it.
Why the hell do these midwives act aghast at the sight of pregnant bodies?! You are completely normal. You aren't damaged. You're pregnant and have stretch marks- not unusual.
13 years ago I had my first and a midwife did a double-take at my stomach. 'Oh sorry, to look at you, I wasn't expecting that' she said.
They were 'bad'- I literally see them ripping my skin in the last week.
If it reassures, mine have faded to almost nothing over the years. But even if they hadn't, it wouldn't matter.

I could literally *

"I'm a midwife (although not currently practicing). In all of my years of experience I have never heard any midwife say anything like that! We see women with huge stretch marks on a daily basis - it's part of pregnancy, as are stretched tattoos etc. That midwife needs extra training in her communication skills. Along with a good kick up the arse."

My thoughts are the same as above!!
As a mw I see all sorts of body shapes, sizes, lumps, bumps and skin types all the time. I'm pretty disgusted that you were made to feel so crappy over something so utterly normal. The mw was out of order, insensitive and inappropriate and as above, needs more communication training and a kick up the arse.

Try not to let it get to you OP. They're tiger stripes that you've earned from growing a beautiful new human.

That was an awful thing to say, I’m not surprised it upset you, they won’t always look as bad as they do now, try not to focus on that at the moment and think about it beautiful baby boy who’ll be here soon, wen I had my 3 they will need to get ur bump out if they need to monitor him during labour but as you’ll likely have no bottoms on they’ll give u a sheet which can you pull up over your tummy if u want. Most mums and decent health care professionals won’t judge you though, please try not to worry too much

I would make a complaint.

Please don’t worry about your belly being on show during birth, tbh you probably won’t care when it happens as you will be focusing on giving birth.

I have bad stretch marks from having dc’s, I still get upset when people mention them , I wouldn’t say I’m damaged though, everything still works ok.

That's awful. My mw's never made any personal comments about my body when pregnant.
My mum told me that after she had db the mw laughed at her and said 'Mrs xxxx when did you last see your feet?'

Unless you're having a section you can usually wear a gown or nighty to give birth so your tummy is covered. Honestly don't worry about that though.

Definitely complain. Your midwife is an insensitive prick. If you want to be nice you could speak to a supervisor and offer some ‘constructive feedback’ rather than complain, but a formal complaint would be valid in this situation.

Cor. That's awful. I would definitely make a complaint to prevent it from happening to someone else. Way to make a pregnant lady feel great eh? Twat.

I had a belly button piercing back in the day and the scar stretched horribly when I was pregnant. My belly button is ruined now but I don't really give a shiny shit as I've been epic enough to make and then squeeze out an amazing little child. Please don't worry about the stretch marks. They'll get better and even if they don't, at least we got them by being absolute legends.

(Although if you're body shy like me, you can always wear a big t-shirt or a tunic when having the baby, I think. I was in a pool to begin with and my midwive said I could keep my shirt on if I felt uncomfortable. Good luck!)

Very insensitive and badly handled by the midwife. I too would probably have laughed off the awkwardness in my shock and kicked myself afterwards for allowing myself to do so. The only reason I can think of to mention such a thing would be if there was a genuine health concern about it or suggestions to help, not just to point and exclaim and make someone feel like shit.
Please don't worry though OP. If you want to keep your stomach covered during the birth it is entirely up to you, but as you have heard from midwives commenting here, none would give them a second glance or find them unusual or shocking.
I wish you all the luck in the world with the rest of your pregnancy and birth and enjoy your beautiful baby

Ah that's fucking shit OP

I've got PCOS, high testosterone and as a result have terrible acne, including really obvious lumps and scars.

I get comments all the time...no idea why people make remarks that are a)stating the obvious and b)none of their fucking business.

I get...
"Ooohh isn't your skin terrible" (noooo..I never look in a mirror )

"Are you doing anything about that?" (Nah...I love having massive painful lumps onmy face you fucking moron

Some people are just insensitive twatweasels

Thank you everyone, for being kind

I hope when I go in to have baby I'm met by somebody alot more attentive. I don't expect anyone at the hospital to console me about the fact my body is ruined at the ripe age of 24 (at least for some time until I repair) but I certainly don't expect the fact to be highlighted and bantered about by trained midwives either.

Fwiw despite me looking pretty grim it still wouldn't put me off having more babies in the future. I can't believe she would even say such a thing. Silly woman. I would do it all again ten times over if it meant having a beautiful baby to love

God what a horrible woman. My sil is a midwife and she is completely insensitive and loud mouthed as well. Hope it wasn't her. Try not to let her gross insensitivity and crassness spoil what should be a really happy time for you op. Put her words from your mind. I wish you the best.

I'm also covered in stretch marks. I'm short and I'm very pale. One did comment on me having a lot and (as I got them early) it did bother me for a while. At this point I've come to terms with it. I'm making a baby and I'm sure they'll fade with time. As for lots of people seeing me in delivery. Most people poop themselves so I figure they'll be too distracted by that!

I don't want to make a full on complaint but I definitely want to raise it so it doesn't happen to somebody else

Will I be allowed to keep my stomach covered with a sheet when I go in to have baby? The thought of laying there exposed to that kind of thing again fills me with dread

Hey OP,
Im sorry this happened to you and to make you feel the way you do is so very sad. Whilst probably not deliberate mean, it was extremely unprofessional of the midwife and if no one ever raises it then there is nothing to stop her doing it again.

f you feel you cannot raise a formal complaint, why not use the careopinion site, its run in conjunction with the health service and you just search for the hospital where it happened and you post public feedback. You can do it anonymously but will need to use an email address to login (your email is not made public) You can read other peoples posts about your hospital and other hospitals as well.

Someone from the hospital will usually reply to your post publicly and will often offer to liaise with you personally but if you do not wish to do that , you just need to write what happened to you , how it made you feel and how you do not want it to happened to someone else.

www.careopinion.org.uk/

Care Opinion was founded in 2005 and is now the UK's leading independent non-profit feedback platform for health services.
We want people to be able to share their experiences of health and care in ways which are safe, simple, and lead to learning and change.
Care Opinion is about honest and meaningful conversations between people and health and social care services. We believe that your story can help make services better.
How it works:
Share your story of using a health or social care service
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OP, I had a much worse comment directed at me during a scan from a sonographer in front for students which made me run out crying. I made a complaint but said I didn't want it to take it further than the sonographer understanding how much she had upset me. I'd maybe go down this route if I were you.

As for your pregnant body I'll say this: I've never been body conscience, people come in all sizes but when I was pregnant I was embarrassed about my bump because it looked nothing like film/tv/magazine bumps. I questioned if it was unusual. The problem is we never see real bumps, most of the bumps we see are probably fakes on screen and airbrushed in pictures. Please don't let this MW get away with her unprofessional behaviour.

Definitely complain OP. The majority of MW that I’ve had the misfortune to encounter, either personally or professionally, have been loud mouthed, opinionated, insensitive and completely lacking in empathy or compassion.

The only way this individual will learn to change her dreadful behaviour is when every unfortunate woman she upsets with her comments make a complaint.

I’ve had 4 DC and my stretch marks are nearly invisible. Good luck

Sorry you had horrible comments op. Try not to dwell on them.
If you don't want to complain through PALs could d you raise it with your community midwife when you see her next and explain what happened? You could always write notes to hand over to her and maybe she can speak to the midwife in charge at the date assessment?

She was rude and unprofessional. You should put in a written complaint OP.

If it makes you feel better OP I agreed to have a student attend my appointment to get a coil fitted with the GP after DC 1. It was a 21 year old male which didn't bother me, but the GP's running jokey critique of the dismal state of my vagina and how large and floppy it was is something I have never forgotten

She was extremely unprofessional, please, please report her (I'm a nurse so would not say this lightly).

I wonder if some of these midwives get off on being rude and unpleasant to pregnant women you’re quite vulnerable when you’re pregnant and a certain type of personality would take advantage of that.

Fuck her. How bitchy and unprofessional. You shouldn't feel bad for a moment that you have stretch marks, they're literally just marks in your skin! You're growing a human!!!