To be annoyed at the midwives comments

[Tumbleweeds24]

38 weeks pregnant. Just left the day assessment unit at the hospital as my own midwife asked me to pop down there and get checked over, babies movements had slowed and wanted to double check all was ok. Thankfully he is fine. Now..

I have a lot of stretch marks and I'll admit they look awful. I'm very small and carrying a huge baby, genetics probably have a part to play ìn my misfortune. My stomach is covered completely.

Got put onto a bed and lifted my top to allow for the band's to be put around my bump, she starts gasping and enquiring "oh god whats that" referring to a tattoo I have on my belly that has stretched and faded due to stretch marks. It doesn't look pretty but it's clearly a tattoo. Then she points out a belly button piercing scar that has stretched and split.

Then she continues pointing at other stretch marks, blemishes and veins you can see on my bump, commenting how badly damaged I am (those were her exact words)

"Wow you are really damaged"

Then made a comment about rethinking any more babies and laughed.

I was humiliated. I'm extremely insecure about my stomach because I know exactly how bad it looks, I'm only young aswell. I wouldnt have ever expected such comments from a midwife at the hospital.

Aibu to be offended?

A split scar sounds like damage to me.

" But some people just don't think before they speak " - shes a mid wife - she should think about everything she says to the pregnant vunerable women in her care. End of.

I also had a midwife who thought commenting on my stretch marks was fine.

That was 15 years ago, they haven't changed, then?

I also had a charming midwife who I saw when DS (who was very active) hadn't moved for a day. I was really freaked out (no MN back then) and the midwife just casually breezed, "Oh, he's just a lazy baby..!"

Really? Do you know him??

Dick.

I once went for a bra fitting. I explained to the lady I was getting married and needed a nice bra for my dress as I had lost weight.
She told me my breast were drooping and sagging and not to lose any more weight from my breasts. I was very young and asked her how I went about that. Of course she was just being a complete bitch. My breasts were very pert and I was very pretty.
I bet you are too . xxx

That's is so rude!
I was sensitive as it was when pregnant.
( I'm 4''11 and was like a whale) I would have burst into tears on the spot.
She was totally out of order.
Just remind people it's not easy making a miracle! Each mark is worth it when your wee one gets here.

To the person who bluntly commented that a split scar sounds like damage, I'm not in denial about the fact my skin is damaged I'm very well aware as I have to look at it daily. My grievance was with the fact that somebody professional dealing with vulnerable and hormonal women who are visiting the day assessment unit due to concerns with their babies health.. Shouldn't be commenting on such things in such a way

Sorry posted that on the wrong thread...at least it was still a pregnancy thread though!!!

Your midwife was a proper bitch by-the-way.

She can't have seen too many pregnancy bumps if she reacted like that. I'd be asking her when she'll be fully qualified . I got a few with my previous pregnancies but this time I'm covered in waves of pinky purple ripples across my bump. It used to bother me but now I see each mark as a reminder of the special time I spent bonding and carrying my baby before they were born. I choose to see them as a positive part of a well lived life. Fair enough, I will never dawn a bikini in public again but I didn't have the confidence to do that when I had to figure to do it before so it's not going to be that much difference now anyway.

So sorry you had this horrid experience OP. Please get in touch with the hospital PALS (Patient Advocacy and Liaison Service) so the midwife can get some constructive feedback. It doesn’t have to be a complaint and PALS teams are usually fab at handling unhelpful incidents like this.

"To the person who bluntly commented that a split scar sounds like damage"

Hello.

Why shouldn't she have commented? I imaging it could be sore or open to infections. I had a melanoma removed after a Dr giving me a smear test saw a spot on my thigh and commented on it.

You should definitely complain, that's out of order.

Wow that’s so rude! I must say I was surprised that some midwives I saw seemed surprised by things I would have expected them to see every day, maybe she wasn’t very experienced.
If it makes you feel any better I had stretch marks like you described and they’ve faded pretty quick and don’t look half as stretched once the baby is out

That is horrible. Complain.

Why the fuck would she feel the need to point that out? What did they expect you to say "oh my I haven't noticed it before today! That sure is something, looks horrible!". There's not thinking before you speak and there's being a jerk. I would request a new midwife, if they were that bad during a check up imagine the comments during your birth.

You'll wear a bikini again!
I went overdue and my belly was a mess. Red raw marks everywhere; my midwife said it was worse than a map of the world.
DS is now 7. The stretch marks have faded so as to be invisible and my stomach is finally flat again and I'm back in my bikinis. I'm about to turn 46 too, so take heart. Just don't expect it to happen overnight and ignore any articles about celebs being back in their jeans within a fortnight.

YANBU. I had this in my first pregnancy, I lifted up my top and the MW said 'wow stretch mark galore!' And I laughed nervously and she said, "you won't be making this mistake again now you've got the scars for life" pointing at my bump and laughing. I was barely an adult and there on my own. What a bitch.

On the upside, 5 years on, my stretch marks are silver now and barely noticeable and I didn't get any new ones with DS2, and because they stayed silver I looked like I had no stretch marks whilst pregnant! Was lovely

I had my first aged 19. Before pregnancy I was a small size 8. The day I had dd the consultant took one look at my stomach and said “these stretch marks are AWFUL!” And sneered then commented how the growth scan showed dd was approx 6lb in weight ......
A few hours later she was the dr doing my c section. Dd was 9lb 10oz and she said “no wonder you had so many stretch marks”....🙄

@digitaldividend

The scars she's commenting on aren't open or sore, the one in particular she was pointing toward at the time is an old belly button piercing mark that has stretched in pregnancy. You can tell it's scar tissue. Perhaps my description isn't the best. If i thought for a second her interest in my marks were medical I would not have an issue with them being remarked on.

Also, if she had mentioned it even one little bit more tentatively I wouldn't have gotten upset.

She was practically pointing out how horrible I looked

I had similar after I had dc - one of the maternity nurses commented on my stretch marks...

'I'm going to use bio-oil every day so that I don't get stretch marks like that'

I informed her that I had done just that and had no marks until a few weeks before I gave birth when he turned one night.

So unnecessary.

Really sorry to hear other people have had similar experiences. It's horrifying at the time isn't it. No doubt I'll feel better about them once bump arrives and gets older, but for now I'm gutted about them. I don't even let my partner see my belly under my clothes

My sister had twins (each was well over 7 lbs) and had terrible stretch marks. When a student doctor saw her stomach when she was in labour, she said, "Oh my GOD" - my sister said it made her feel absolutely awful.

"Wow you're damaged" - I think I'd have replied and "you're really insensitive!".

This happened me but it was my legs big purple stretch marks top to bottom , nurse says oh my God your legs , I was already feeling vulnerable but that made me feel like shit . Anyway they faded I can still see them but no one else can . I was young too, it was totally inappropriate of her to say that to you or comment on how your body looks you were there to get your concerns seen to