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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset DH has quit his job?

70 replies

ballsed · 09/01/2018 14:52

I have name changed because my other posts say where I live etc.

DH has just informed me he has quit his job. He's a housing solicitor and his firm are utter shite- there have been some pretty disgusting behaviour from supervisors And admin staff. After a meeting with HR today to see if he can get more admin help they refused and he's out his notice in.

How the hell do we cope now? He only does legal aid and doesn't want to work on the 'other side' he wants to move to the other end of the country to 'start again' but I've looked and there are no jobs apart from one 12 month contract covering maternity leave Hmm I really don't want to leave where we are.

We have no one where he wants to live but he grew up there so I think it's appealing to him. There are no legal aid jobs in our area and even if there were his firm have the majority of contracts!

How can I support him without being a twat and refuse point blank to move?

OP posts:
Capelin · 09/01/2018 14:54

He’s handed in his notice with poor prospects of finding another job locally and without discussing it with you? YANBU at all!

Oldraver · 09/01/2018 14:55

He's going to have to widen his horizons if he wants to move, he cant be picky about the type of work he wants to do I'm afraid

IrritatedUser1960 · 09/01/2018 14:56

This is so irresponsible. I live on my own and there is no way I could stop working like this with the mortgage I have to pay. I would lose my home.
What gives him the right to do this to his family.

Original poster
ballsed · 09/01/2018 14:57

I completely agree that he has to widen his horizons and get a grip. I'm so annoyed with him, I've just been made permanent in my job. It's about 2 hours away from where we currently live where he wants to apply for a job. But it's only for a 12 month contract and I'm really worried that if we move and he takes that job. Where do we go in 12 months?

OP posts:
mumonashoestring · 09/01/2018 14:57

I think 'let's up sticks and move away from it all' is a pretty common reaction when you've had that much of a shitty time in a job - especially one where everyone knows each other. Don't make any decisions now, treat everything as a possibility and respond with 'worth thinking about'. Then suggest he spends at least two weeks 'cooling off' and thinking about his options before he decides on anything (and don't be drawn into house hunting, job seeking etc. til he's done this). He needs to look in to all the possibilities, not just 'run away and start over'.

NerrSnerr · 09/01/2018 14:58

Will you have to change jobs? Do you have children?

Could he work elsewhere in the week and come home for the weekend if he desperately wants to work elsewhere?

NerrSnerr · 09/01/2018 14:59

If it’s 2 hours away couldn’t he just commute it for now? It’s a long drive but possible.

hevonbu · 09/01/2018 15:00

Twelve months is a long time, a lot can happen. The twelve-month position is just a stop-gap position, will make it easier to move to the next job after that, and help paying the bills.

Original poster
ballsed · 09/01/2018 15:01

Yes I'd have to change jobs, no children but we were planning on trying this year which has gone out of the window now.

OP posts:
Oblomov18 · 09/01/2018 15:02

Really, ideally, No husband or wife should hand in their notice without another job to go to and probably not without discussing it with their husband /wife either. it's just not on.

Original poster
ballsed · 09/01/2018 15:05

@mumonashoestring think that sounds like a really good idea. He really has been properly screwed over by them.

He's gone over his billing target for the year by 60k and they said today he needed to bill more and sort his files out but the admin assistant isn't helping him and his supervisor won't see new clients or do court duty so he's seeing 15 new clients per week, 3x court duty and any illegal evictions that happen or injunctions.

He just doesn't have the time to do his admin, so when they refused to get the admin assistant to help him more today he just quit, he has to work 3 months notice though

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 09/01/2018 15:11

I get the feeling there is more to this.

Was he struggling mentally with work?

StormTreader · 09/01/2018 15:13

Are the other people on his same job level also not managing to do the admin work as well, or just him? Did he have a higher workload than them? It's slightly academic now, but still worth him looking into if he plans to get another job doing the same thing.

Original poster
ballsed · 09/01/2018 15:19

It's just him and his supervisor in the department. No other fee earners

OP posts:
Weezol · 09/01/2018 15:20

He's in fight or flight, he decided to give up the fight so now he thinks his only option is flight and is bouncing off the wall with adrenaline. He will calm down.

I wouldn't necessaily take anything he says seriously until the weekend. Then you can start conversations about what 'we' want instead of what he wants.

RB68 · 09/01/2018 15:20

I can completely understand this the housing issues are so overwhelming, so much legal detail and with than many new clients with files to set up and court appearances to prep, file and document its too much without decent admin support. Tell him to try London

CardinalCat · 09/01/2018 15:22

Why does he not want to work for the 'other side'. The very best lawyers have some experience of working for both landlords and tenants, and so on. Could he not go to the other side for a spell, while finding something more suited to his ethical requirements? Unfortunately, in the current legal market (which unless you are in a super niche market, is more competitive than ever), beggars can't be choosers, so he'll have to compromise on an ideal or two if he wants to be in work. Maybe a change of career is what he needs?

I would be furious at the lack of consultation prior to him quitting, but I'm guessing that today's meeting has sent him over the edge?

RB68 · 09/01/2018 15:22

Admin work is quite different in Law Offices and its not unusual for lower level legal staff to be ignored for sucking up to the main fee earner type of thing or because pay isn't great then they are not well trained and can't cope with volume etc and petty spite getting int he way of getting the job done, you don't have managerial control and expected to work with people who wont or cant do their job

BashStreetKid · 09/01/2018 15:44

If his employers change their minds and want him to come back and to give him the admin support, would he go?

Ellie56 · 09/01/2018 15:45

I've been treated like shit in some jobs but I never quit until I had another job to go to. Your DH has been totally irresponsible and I would be fuming too especially at the lack of consultation!

I would tell him I'm not moving as I am quite happy in my job and if he wants to work elsewhere he will have to commute.

Hoppinggreen · 09/01/2018 15:48

Unless he has substantial savings or another means of income then he is going to have to get a job that might not suit him 100%
If he had come to you with a plan and discussed giving up his job with you and how you would manage as a household it would be slightly different but just packing it in and then wanting to move to a different area isn’t on

Parker231 · 09/01/2018 15:51

Why will you need to change jobs and more house? He’ll need to find another job in the area you live or commutable distance. If he can’t find another job in his chosen field, he’ll have to take any job in order to pay the bills.

scrabbler3 · 09/01/2018 15:52

We've all had days where we want to declare, "I quit!", turn on our heel, and stride out of the door dramatically, but most sensible people with mortgages and families know that they can't do this. He must have been pushed to the absolute limit.

Perhaps the admin help will be forthcoming now...he may get a phone call asking him to return.

Don't move if you don't want to. He'll just have to find something else, even if it means leaving the law.

Parker231 · 09/01/2018 15:53

As he doesn’t have another job to go to he may be better swallowing his pride and contact his employer to ask whether he can come back. He can then start to look for another job.

2boysDad · 09/01/2018 15:54

One thing I've learnt in life. No job is worth making yourself ill. Sometimes if it gets really bad, you just have to go for the sake of your own sanity.

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