To be upset DH has quit his job?

[ballsed]

I have name changed because my other posts say where I live etc.

DH has just informed me he has quit his job. He's a housing solicitor and his firm are utter shite- there have been some pretty disgusting behaviour from supervisors And admin staff. After a meeting with HR today to see if he can get more admin help they refused and he's out his notice in.

How the hell do we cope now? He only does legal aid and doesn't want to work on the 'other side' he wants to move to the other end of the country to 'start again' but I've looked and there are no jobs apart from one 12 month contract covering maternity leave I really don't want to leave where we are.

We have no one where he wants to live but he grew up there so I think it's appealing to him. There are no legal aid jobs in our area and even if there were his firm have the majority of contracts!

How can I support him without being a twat and refuse point blank to move?

Well I'm sorry but when I was a single mum and had two jobs I absolutely despised more than death my first thought was for my family.
I stuck at them for years so my son could have the best start in life. You don't just dump your job without even discussing it with anyone.
At least discuss it with the family/wife and decide what to do next, you do not assume your family will just move across the country.
I've done high pressure NHS jobs for years often going in on annual leave to finish jobs I don't have time to finish during work.
It's reckless and irresponsible.

Can definitely see both sides of this. YANBU to worry about how you will manage, HINBU to have hit breaking point, given what you describe of his workload and lack of support. If his employers have realised how much they want to keep him, and offer to give him the support he needs, will he stay? if so then that's the problem solved. But if the job remains unbearable could he look into associated areas like housing charities?

YANBU to be upset but I think it sounds like your DH is at the very end of his tether. I know how frustrating it can be when you need more admin support but no-one will listen to you.

How many years PQE is he? Could he change practice areas? I did that at 5 years PQE and the background knowledge I already had meant it wasn't that difficult a transition.

Does he want to stay with legal aid and housing work or would he consider something like property litigation? Could he go in-house anywhere; has he considered a housing association or local authority? He's got 3 months to find something else so he needs to be signing up with agencies all over the place and contacting anyone and everyone who might be able to offer him a job. Good luck to him (and you!).

I suspect that someone with your husband's knowledge and track record may well be able to find another job in his field relatively easily, although I know that this is limited by the legal aid contract system. However, there are people like law centres and Shelter which operate housing law as well as legal aid solicitors' firms. I agree that he moving to the other side of the country is a pretty daft idea unless there is a long term job available plus alternatives if he doesn't get that job or it doesn't work out.

If he is a solicitor he needs to get onto a recruitment consultant immediately. Legal jobs arent advertised in the same way as other jobs, so he will probably need to go through a recruiter. I doubt there is just one job out there

Irritated, with respect, you didn't 'despise those jobs more than death', that's a fatuous and unhelpful statement. You didn't have anybody else to consider to ask and had the autonomy to decide what to do for your son for the best. That isn't the same situation that the OP is in - and it's not a competition either.

Could he claim constructive dismissal and sue his firm? They have made his conditions untenable and also not provided him with the support to do his job.

It looks as though he has been having a hell of a time - and he's probably very sensibly left while he can still walk away rather than having to be carried away.

He can't work long term like this - he will burn himself out. I'm surprised he's kept going as long as he has.

I totally understand your panic at the thought of losing 50% of your family income (perhaps even more), but it is better than him having a nervous breakdown, or a heart attack brought on by stress.

Thank you for your advice. I realise I've overreacted and when he gets home, we'll talk about how I can support him more going forward. Especially if they've persuaded him to stay.

But what do you want OP? Is your job of little interest to you and you’re happy to jack it in? I’d assume you were a SAHM from your first post.

It's not about how you can support him (he needs to manage his work himself and trying to help a Solicitor with no boundaries can drive you to distraction). It's about what you both want. Don't fall into the trap of treating your own career as dispensable.

Has he negotiated a change in workload if he is now going to stay?

If so I would suggest he puts their promises in writing

I'm a nurse. Not a stay at home mum my career is easier to move

Move enough and it’ll be a job, not a career. I’m assuming legal jobs are available in most areas too. You sound very accommodating so just injecting a note of caution!

Slightly off topic, but you mentioned writing up dictations: has he heard of the dictation app / website speech notes. It's brilliant.

Could he claim constructive dismissal and sue his firm? They have made his conditions untenable and also not provided him with the support to do his job.

I echo this, and would also advise him to speak to ACAS. I am from a legal background and ACAS was/is always our first port of call whenever work related issues arise with staff or ourselves. I sincerely hope you manage to resolve things.

Moodle its quite possible that OPS DH may have gone up against some of the housing associations in his work.

SGBs suggestion is a good one As is trying Shelter.

If he is a solicitor he needs to get onto a recruitment consultant immediately. Legal jobs arent advertised in the same way as other jobs, so he will probably need to go through a recruiter. I doubt there is just one job out there

Legal aid firms tend not to use recruitment consultants, because they can't afford to pay the commission involved.

How’s your dh.

Sounds like you had talked about how he had been struggling before, did you talk about him wanting to quit? It sounds like he is being quite selfish in this whole thing - he knows you have a 12 month contract and is still assuming you're ok with just packing up and leaving?

From the original post, I was about to start commenting that it's utterly irresponsible to just hand in your notice, what about family finances, etc - I'm 100% of the opinion that you don't have the option to "just quit" when you've got a family.

However from reading on a bit, with the other info from the OP - what you're describing is completely unsustainable. No wonder your DH has just snapped - those working hours, the mental pressure, and expectations - no one can do that over the long term and not put their family relationships, health, at severe risk.

I feel really sorry for your DH, OP.

I suspect he needs some practical advice about how to work through this (be that staying and putting measures in place to re-balance things) and a huge helping of general all-around emotional support.

I've worked in an office that once had someone wheeled out to get medical attention (mental health issue, at a complete crisis point, threatening to self harm in the loo, refusing to go back into a meeting), I know he had existing issues, but from what I saw/experienced, a massive contributory factor was the toxic atmosphere of the place we were working - deadlines and targets to meet. I often think of him on bad days and your post made me think of him again, and how bad things have to be in order to make people just say "feck it" and flip- some employers seem to do very little in the way of duty of care to their staff when it comes to dealing with training, performance management and target-setting