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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are they being fair?

101 replies

RoseWhiteTips · 09/01/2018 10:36

Some men don’t want to date women who are unable to write grammatically, amongst other things. Are they being unreasonable?

TINDER TURN-OFFS ACCORDING TO MEN

  1. 'Duck faces' and Snapchat filters
  1. Posing with exotic animals in holiday pictures to appear well travelled
  1. Using 'pretentious' music lyrics in place of a bio
  1. Meaningless bios such as: 'I like going out... but also staying in'
  1. Poor spelling and grammar
  1. Saying they attended the 'University of Life'
  1. Using the phrase 'I love life'
  1. Having voted Leave
  1. Being a vegan

  1. Women who describe themselves as 'fun-loving'

  2. Photos that include her children, her mother, Jesus, or her in a wedding gown

  3. Not including any photos at all

  4. Any mention of religion

OP posts:
DriggleDraggle · 09/01/2018 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueyacht · 09/01/2018 13:11

All of those would turn me off too. Apart from being vegan which would be a definite plus cos he probably loves animals and that.

PeacefulBlessing · 09/01/2018 13:15

Yep, most of those would make my turn off list too.

Well, all of them, except that some of them seem to be exclusive to women.

TINDER TURN-OFFS ACCORDING TO MEN

1. 'Duck faces' and Snapchat filters Yep. Can't imagine anyone actually not being put off by these.

2. Posing with exotic animals in holiday pictures to appear well travelled Yep. Turn off.

3. Using 'pretentious' music lyrics in place of a bio Haha, yes absolutely!

4. Meaningless bios such as: 'I like going out... but also staying in' Up there with "I like breathing and eating". Well, yes, who doesn't. And if that is all you can think of to say about yourself....

5. Poor spelling and grammar God, absolutely. There are a couple of things I'm willing to overlook but, in the main, this is one of my top 3.

6. Saying they attended the 'University of Life' Yep. Shorthand for lots of things that mean I wouldn't be interested in them. And not having attended actual university isn't one of them.

7. Using the phrase 'I love life' Banal and meaningless.

8. Having voted Leave I have had conversations with real life Leave voters. In my experience, 6 and 8 go hand in hand.

9. Being a vegan I suppose it depends whether you are a vegan (don't eat/use animals or their by products) or whether you're a Vegan (on a more 'political' level). But I think t his is the only one I could have an issue with. But then, I'd rather date a "vegan" than "junk food" or "meat and two veg" man.

10. Women who describe themselves as 'fun-loving' Is this the female equivalent of "going to the pub with my mates"?

11. Photos that include her children, her mother, Jesus, or her in a wedding gown Totally agree.

12. Not including any photos at all Totally agree.

13. Any mention of religion Less bothered by this. It depends what the reference is. "Hindu" in the Religion box? Not an issue. "I trust that God will guide me in my search for love". Abso-fucking-lutely!

On what grounds do you think it's unfair, Rose?

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 09/01/2018 13:15

They are nbu.

I’d much rather see a list like that than someone saying “I’ll date anyone”

We all have preferences. I like fat men more than skinny men. I prefer clean shaven to a beard or moustache. I’d rather date someone around my age. I hate poor table manners and people who don’t know the difference between their, there, they’re or too and to. (It really does grate on my nerves)

I approve of the list of tinder turn offs. How else do you suppose people narrow their search down?

Original poster
RoseWhiteTips · 09/01/2018 13:16

Spag? Spelling and grammar.

OP posts:
ILookedintheWater · 09/01/2018 13:16

But if you did like those things and they were important to you, presumably you wouldn't want to attract someone who found those things unappealing anyway?
Most men might not want to date someone who was a vegan, but by mentioning it you are more likely to attract a likeminded person surely?
I presumed that 'fun loving' was code for 'open to casual sex' and therefore an ideal thing to put on Tinder.

Original poster
RoseWhiteTips · 09/01/2018 13:16

I think they are being fair. Ftr.

OP posts:
Peachyking000 · 09/01/2018 13:18

YABU - I would be put off men for many of these reasons too. Especially the “university of life.” It makes me think of some know-all Delboy type character, or the sort of builder who thinks all women are thick. Being an actual university graduate was not important to me when dating though either - my DH isn’t one.

PeacefulBlessing · 09/01/2018 13:18

I met DH online (not tinder) and if I wrote him off due to bad grammar and spelling I would have missed out on meeting a kind, loving, caring man. He's an amazing father to my son and I'm so glad I didn't judge him for his writing skills. He's actually pretty clever, although not academic

My boyfriend is dyslexic so his SPaG is appalling. But i met him IRL. When you are online, there are so many potential matches that you have to use your filters to narrow the search results. Yes, you might miss out on someone, but you've got to draw the line somewhere.

Original poster
RoseWhiteTips · 09/01/2018 13:20

The one exception would be the vegan one - although perhaps the men worry about dating someone who thinks like the ghastly Gwyneth Paltrow.

Re dating sites generally, I have never had cause to use any. Married now etc.

OP posts:
PeacefulBlessing · 09/01/2018 13:21

If you think they are being fair, why are you asking? Do you think anyone wouldn't think it fair for people to base who they date on personal preferences?

polaricecaps · 09/01/2018 13:22

I think they are being fair. Ftr.

Whole thread becomes meaningless Grin

PeacefulBlessing · 09/01/2018 13:24

Especially the “university of life.” It makes me think of some know-all Delboy type character, or the sort of builder who thinks all women are thick.

When I did OLD, University of life seemed to be shorthand for "I'm racist, sexist and homophobic. I'm not well read and I have no respect for it. I like going to the pub, putting people in their place, football and lager" Oh and now it also seems to mean "I voted Leave". Which is an issue for me.

fairylightsdown · 09/01/2018 13:25

Where did you get the list of turn offs from @op?

EggsonHeads · 09/01/2018 13:25

To be fair I would be put off immediately by everything on the list except voting leave, beingvegan or, mentioning religion (although there is a good chance that those things would put me off after further investigation-there is nothing more off putting than a sactimonious vegan who voted leave because they felt that the eu wasn't being proactive in adopting sharia law).

Hissy · 09/01/2018 13:35

TBF, that's a good list.

When I was online dating, my list also had pretty much the same in reverse, with additional couple of points

14 - NOT married
15 - NOT called Dave

CeciliaBartolli · 09/01/2018 13:40

I thought Tinder was just for shagging. Surprised they are so picky. After all free sex is, free sex.
Are you really talking about Tinder?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/01/2018 13:40

Tbh the put off re SPaG stuff is more the
Yo babez, yous is well hot innit!!!!!!!!

ReanimatedSGB · 09/01/2018 13:42

It's fine to have whatever turn offs you have. No one is owed a date, or sex, or a relationship. I think nearly all of the above would put me off any potential date, as well (in addition to the rest of my long, long list of 'NO' characteristics - wanting a 'serious relationship with the right woman' being #1)

popcorntime1 · 09/01/2018 13:43

Completely reasonable. I would also include,

Job Entrepreneur/Influencer 😒

BashStreetKid · 09/01/2018 13:44

I definitely couldn't have any sort of relationship with someone who thinks it's OK to write "could of".

ReanimatedSGB · 09/01/2018 13:45

Oh yeah, there's nothing wrong with stating that you are a vegan, or have a religious belief. It would put me off, but there are plenty of religious people and vegans (and people who are both) also out there looking for dates, so that sort of thing is just a way of indicating your preferences to potentially like-minded people.

Original poster
RoseWhiteTips · 09/01/2018 13:47

I am asking because I wonder what other people think.Confused

HTH

OP posts:
maddnessintheroost · 09/01/2018 13:47

turn offs for a lot of women as well

A man/woman with a duck face never goes down well

MadMags · 09/01/2018 13:50

That's a pretty great list for me, actually. I wouldn't want any of that in a partner either.

I'd be less concerned about the SPaG than the others, though. As long as it wasn't txt spk as a PP mentioned.