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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are they being fair?

101 replies

RoseWhiteTips · 09/01/2018 10:36

Some men don’t want to date women who are unable to write grammatically, amongst other things. Are they being unreasonable?

TINDER TURN-OFFS ACCORDING TO MEN

  1. 'Duck faces' and Snapchat filters
  1. Posing with exotic animals in holiday pictures to appear well travelled
  1. Using 'pretentious' music lyrics in place of a bio
  1. Meaningless bios such as: 'I like going out... but also staying in'
  1. Poor spelling and grammar
  1. Saying they attended the 'University of Life'
  1. Using the phrase 'I love life'
  1. Having voted Leave
  1. Being a vegan

  1. Women who describe themselves as 'fun-loving'

  2. Photos that include her children, her mother, Jesus, or her in a wedding gown

  3. Not including any photos at all

  4. Any mention of religion

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 09/01/2018 10:51

"Potentially a bit classist though? Did they only survey middle class men?"

I don't see what class has to do with that list tbh.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/01/2018 10:56

My husband is working class. He would agree with the list. Being working class doesn't mean he has to date anyone available

Porgs · 09/01/2018 10:56

Not unreasonable. I would turn down a man for every single one of those reasons (nothing wrong with being religious, vegan or voting leave but they are incompatible with my lifestyle/values and I expect they would think the same of me). Back when I was single and dating I'd also say no to anyone pictured with bad teeth, smoking, a car instead of a photo, or a topless gym selfie. There are thousands of people on tinder, why say 'yes' to someone who has something that makes them unattractive to you?! People who haven't actually used tinder - this is not the same as getting to know someone in real life and then rejecting them because of poor spelling, you are making split second decisions based on appearance/a short bio.

Biker47 · 09/01/2018 11:02

For me; 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11, and 12 are turn off's for me.

9 and 13 could possibly be as well, if it turns out they're dogmatic about it.

Anniethinggose · 09/01/2018 11:48

These are turn offs for most women aswell.

treesaregreenandblue · 09/01/2018 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TractorTedTed · 09/01/2018 12:18

Errm what sleeping?
Personal taste I know, but we're all entitled to our own opinions.

Or was it my use of spag? I don't really like the acronym much either, but it does save time when typing.

DrMarthaJones · 09/01/2018 12:20

Not at all unreasonable, I totally agree with that whole list.

But the main point is anyone can turn down anyone else for whatever reason they want. There is nothing unreasonable about it.

DrMarthaJones · 09/01/2018 12:22

It's a shame that men dislike vegan women

Women dislike vegan men too. For me its not personal and I'm not judging their choices, I merely want someone who will share a big steak with me.

sinceyouask · 09/01/2018 12:24

Whatever. I have a list of no-nos that many other people would think are ridiculous. You like what you like. How can it be unreasonable not to be attracted to someone/thing?

Anniethinggose · 09/01/2018 12:27

I'm vegan but wouldn't define myself by it to the extent of referring to it on a dating app. To me, that would be indicative of the ones who feel really passionate about it as an ideology and want to talk about it all the time. I personally find that tedious so it would put me off.
However it will attract likeminded people so it's not a bad thing.

Jaygee61 · 09/01/2018 12:30

Lots of women won't date men below a minimum height.

5foot5 · 09/01/2018 12:45

They all sound reasonable. Even the vegan IMO. I don't have anything against vegans at all but I would be worried that arranging a meal out would become difficult as we would want to dine at different types of places.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 09/01/2018 12:47

I don't dislike vegans but understand why most people are challengedby it.

Vegans are quite extreme in their dietary choices and not many of them are happy to watch me eat a portion of baby sheep or piggy.

And I like doing both sadly.

PinkHeart5914 · 09/01/2018 12:48

I think everyone Male and female are entitled to not date someone for whatever reason they see fit tbh.

When online dating don’t most people have a list of “Turn offs”? Didn’t we have thread on here a while ago with people saying things like men that have photos of the dc on dating sites, can’t spell.

Its a shame men dislike vegan women No it’s a shame some men dislike the vegan thing, maybe the men that said in the survey they were turned off by a vegan eat meat all day long? Maybe they want someone to share a steak with? Also who is putting I’m a vegan on a dating profile, surely a million better things one could say about themselves

Greensleeves · 09/01/2018 12:48

Does "fair" even apply as a concept when it comes to romantic preferences? It would be unfair not to be honest about what you do/don't want in another person, imo.

GinIsIn · 09/01/2018 12:53

All’s fair in love and war, surely?

FluffyWuffy100 · 09/01/2018 12:57

Those things would put me off male dating profiles too! They are basically indicators of class and education.

Prusik · 09/01/2018 12:58

I met DH online (not tinder) and if I wrote him off due to bad grammar and spelling I would have missed out on meeting a kind, loving, caring man. He's an amazing father to my son and I'm so glad I didn't judge him for his writing skills. He's actually pretty clever, although not academic

FluffyWuffy100 · 09/01/2018 12:58

Also who is putting I’m a vegan on a dating profile, surely a million better things one could say about themselves

I think it is right ot put it on your dating profile - lots of people don't want want to date a vegan if you cook and eat meat at home, like going out to restaurants that don't cater well for vegans etc.

I dated a vegan for 10+ years and it was at times very annoying!

MaitlandGirl · 09/01/2018 12:59

As a not so straight woman I agree.

TINDER TURN-OFFS ACCORDING TO MEN

1. 'Duck faces' and Snapchat filters this is something my 17 yr old DD does, it’s not attractive in an adult.

2. Posing with exotic animals in holiday pictures to appear well travelled This always makes me think of holidays to Bali (which to Australians is the equivalent of the the stereotypical Brits abroad in the Costa day Sol).

3. Using 'pretentious' music lyrics in place of a bio This tells me nothing about you, other than you have the ability to use Google.

4. Meaningless bios such as: 'I like going out... but also staying in' Again, this tells me nothing about you.

5. Poor spelling and grammar This I’m more flexible on, unless it’s text speak and you type like my 17 yr old.

6. Saying they attended the 'University of Life' I don’t care that you didn’t go to uni, I’m interested in you not your education.

7. Using the phrase 'I love life' Thats pretty pointless.

8. Having voted Leave I’m not in the UK but I presume it’s on a par with voting for Tony Abbott so that wouldn’t impress me at all. I’d rather not know about your politics unless you’re a One Nation (Britain First) supporter.

9. Being a vegan I’m a committed carnivore so this would be a deal breaker for me.

10. Women who describe themselves as 'fun-loving' This always sounds too try hard, although who would write that they’re a miserable, antisocial bugger??

11. Photos that include her children, her mother, Jesus, or her in a wedding gown Yeah, no. I want to see you, not your family and the wedding dress would just be creepy.

12. Not including any photos at all I’m not shallow but how do I know you really are the person you’re claiming to be if I can’t see a photo of you. If you claim to be a 24yr old gym enthusiast I want to see the photos reflecting this, otherwise you could be a 50yr old morbidly obese man. Be proud of who you are and include photos.

13. Any mention of religion if you’re mentioning religion then I presume it’s brcsuse it’s important to you. I don’t have any religious feelings do this would be another deal breaker due to probable lack of compatibility.

MadeleineMaxwell · 09/01/2018 13:01

Yup. Back in the mists o' time, my OLD profile had a bit about spelling and grammar. It's how I met my now DH, who is a professional proofreader. 13 years later, we're still a match made in well-spelled heaven Grin

RaininSummer · 09/01/2018 13:04

Seeems reasonable to me. You can date who you like surely whatever your own weird criteria might be. I would have similar lists in mind I am sure and the spelling and grammar one would just be indicative of somebody with a reasonable educational level and so more likely to have stuff in common with me. I doubt i would be dickish enough to actually write that down somewhere but it would help form my opinion when reading their responses.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/01/2018 13:06

*TractorTedTed sorry I thought you had typo'd! What is spag other than spaghetti?

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