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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cosmetic surgery on Dd(8) ears?

80 replies

motherfiver · 08/01/2018 20:25

Over the last few months Dd has become very aware of the fact that her ears are very prominent, I think sparks by playground comments although she denies this. She is refusing to wear her hair down and and there has been many tears over this.
Surgery to pin them back was something I really considered when she was little but decided they weren't that bad and I'd let her make her own choice, they have got worse as she has gotten older.
Tbh I'm not really opposed to the idea as I hate for her to feel insecure and unhappy, but I don't have any family or friends on my side, DP (who is not DD's biological father) has said he is really against it.
Short term I 100% think it would be beneficial for her but I'm worried long term it will be damaging.
If it's relevant me and DD's adult sister have both had cosmetic surgery .

AIBU to really be considering letting her have surgery?
WWYD?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 08/01/2018 20:51

I think it should ultimately be your dd's choice.

GardenGeek · 08/01/2018 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatIWant · 08/01/2018 20:57

My niece had it done at ten. Very much her idea. Apparently she did all the talking when she went to see the Doctors and my SIL hardly got to say a word. Her ears really stuck out and now they don't.

I don't think it's like other cosmetic surgery. It's so simple and quick. I'd happily let my kids do it if they wanted.

I don't see it as different to buck teeth and no one questions braces.

Cherrycokewinning · 08/01/2018 20:58

Yes I absolutely would do it

HannaSolo · 08/01/2018 21:03

OP - there's a new procedure to do this now which is far less invasive than traditional surgery.

You might want to take a look https://www.earfold.co.uk

It's done under local anaesthetic and takes 20 mins per ear. Suitable for children over 7 years old.

I've been looking at having it done myself Blush

WellThatsATurnipForTheBooks · 08/01/2018 21:05

I had mine done when I was 18 . It was supposed to have happened years before but I was somehow overlooked when on the waiting list and with one thing and another it never happened until then.

I would definitely advise having it done sooner than that! Primary school age is probably best.

Original poster
motherfiver · 08/01/2018 21:48

Thankyou everyone.
Will go and see a doctor with Dd to discuss options

OP posts:
Yettilegs11 · 08/01/2018 21:56

My daughter needs an op on her ears, she was advised at 8 and decided she didn’t want the operation. She’s now 9 and still adamant she will have the op but not yet. Not even 2 weeks off school would change her mind.

Although she is only 9 i wouldn’t force the issue she is scared. We will do it when she is ready. The hospital are ok with this.

What does your daughter want?

wildbuttercup · 08/01/2018 22:13

Do it. I had a nose job when I was 19 and it really is awful to feel so insecure about something on a daily basis and every time you look in a mirror. I felt worse about it as I got older to the point where I felt I could take it no more. Do it now and in 6 months time it will all be forgotten about. It defo

wildbuttercup · 08/01/2018 22:14

It defo did not affect me long term - made me feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I urge you to do it, she will thank you later xx

applebags · 08/01/2018 22:15

I had my ears pinned back when I was about this age and I'm so pleased my parents pushed for me to get it done.

I'm sure it would have been a big source of teasing / angst as I grew up if I hadn't had them done.

The only drawback is that earphones WILL NOT stay in my ears - who knows if that's due to the surgery or not?! Grin

Overall, I'd say do it; she'll thank you for it in the long term.

Gottabenow · 08/01/2018 22:16

I know a teenage boy who has it done. He did get stick for it before and after and I think primary school age is better.

Lilonetwo · 08/01/2018 22:17

I had mine done when I was 7 or 8.
I remember it being a bit painful afterwards for a while when changing dressings.
But ultimately I have flat ears now and happy with them.

Chocolate50 · 08/01/2018 22:28

Normally I would say no. I hate the idea of cosmetic surgery although I really sympathise with your struggle with AN. But I think I would do this if my DD was struggling that much & it was making her miserable. Its not like a huge physical change but you are right to be worried about setting a president for her. Its a balancing act, so long as she knows its to help her feel more confident & stop other nasties bullying her & its not something to run to when she isn't happy with life... you would know if it started a pattern off & deal with it. You should do what you feel is best for her on this occasion

Chocolate50 · 08/01/2018 22:29

Have to say though I had no idea that this was a thing. I have never met anyone that I know of who has had this done!

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 08/01/2018 22:34

My Mother wouldn;t let me and I've been glad about that since my 20s when I realised I'd grown into my ears. Now when I pull them back, I look very odd.

eastlondoner · 08/01/2018 22:43

You're not being unreasonable. I'd get a Dr's opinion and take it from there.

mintich · 08/01/2018 22:46

I had it done when I was 10. I wasn't being bullied but was getting self conscious. I would have liked if my parents had done it earlier

SuperBeagle · 08/01/2018 22:48

I would do it.

My cousin had very prominent ears. Her mother never allowed her to have them pinned back, and she was bullied relentlessly as a result. She resents her mother for that, and she had them pinned back as soon as she turned 18, but the damage to her self-esteem had been done by then.

MollyHuaCha · 08/01/2018 22:54

I would do it.

OrangeOasis · 08/01/2018 23:05

Ds has his ears pinned back when he was 9. Absolutely fabulous result for him.

We never thought in a million years it would be eligible on the NHS but in our case it was. We saw our GP, Ds was of an age where he could easily explain himself how he felt. Gp referred us but told us not to get our hopes up as it might not be something the consultant would offer on the NHS.

Consultant couldn’t have been more lovely. Spoke to Ds directly, asked him the questions and agreed there and then. A few months later he had the operation, all went really well. We are all over the moon with the results, healed really well and no issues.

icantthinkofanotherusername · 09/01/2018 00:12

I had my ears pinned when I was 11 I wish my parents did it sooner but I'm happy they did. I can't imagine having them as a teenager, I would of been tormented. It's no one's decision but your dad's. She's the one who has to be subjected to vile abuse not anyone else. It will get worse so if do it now before she goes to high school. It will give her unbelievably confidence!!

icantthinkofanotherusername · 09/01/2018 00:13

Sorry dd's

CorbynsBumFlannel · 09/01/2018 00:33

Has she actually asked for the surgery/is she aware it's possible? If she has asked I'd discuss the procedure with her and get it done if she wanted it.

digitalDividend · 09/01/2018 01:02

I think I would although I know little about the risks of the OP. Are there any?

I think discussing it with your GP seems like a sensible first step.

I have no idea why a man with an opinion is a red flag now @Figrollsnotfatrolls

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