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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for some guidance / help? Child with stomachache due to constant stress.

61 replies

LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 20:43

I really want to help my son Sad

He's 8 and is on the route to ASD assessment ; although I'm certain he is autistic.

He has been acting out a lot this week (returned to school) ; he has angry outbursts , claws at himself (no damage done as he chews his fingers bare) and is generally shouty and upset .

Today he says he's so sad Sad he says his tummy hurts when he is so angry all of the time . I think this is down to stress.

I talk to him about his feelings but he can never explain why he feels like this . He doesn't know how I can help him and sadly , neither do I Sad

WTF do I do ?! The waiting times are so long I fear he's going to go without help at all anytime soon and it breaks my heart to see him so sad.

I can't get him to do anything without a big , distressing battle.

CAMHS won't deal with us because of the ASD potential .

If I were to seek private help , who would I see ?

A psychologist ? A psychiatrist? A psychotherapist to help him manage his anger ?

I'm at my wits end. Please help!

OP posts:
Original poster
LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 21:12

Anyone? Sad

OP posts:
holyshitdude · 07/01/2018 21:18

Is he being seen by the school senco? If not then it would be a good starting point for him.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 07/01/2018 21:23

What is it that you cannot get it to do? Any way of telling him stories or giving him treats to motivate himand help the anxiety go away? There is no explanation to anxiety but positive feelings help it go away and a good routine.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 07/01/2018 21:24

Sorry him not it

Original poster
LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 21:27

SENCO is involved but school have said they don't have anything to report as he's doing so well at school.

It's been a battle to get them to refer to CAMHS in the first place.

I can't get him to do things like get dressed , go to school etc . He shouts and cries and refuses.

OP posts:
ColonelJackONeil · 07/01/2018 21:28

If you are pretty sure he is autistic you might try some of the things that help autistic children. This can vary depending on how they are affected. I would do some research and look at what your son finds soothing. It's often related to spending time on a special interest or hobby and getting away from things that bother him such as sounds, textures and so on. Some children need more stimulation in certain areas such as a weighted blanket. It's very individual what helps.

Felixandtheflippers · 07/01/2018 21:29

Maybe try a visual timetable for him each day? And social stories. You could also try to practise some mindfulness- I think there are some apps. There is also an app for iPads (and maybe androids) called TakeTen. I have never used it before but herd good reports. I am so sorry OP. It must be dreadful watching your child go through this. Flowers

HardAsSnails · 07/01/2018 21:31

I would highly recommend the book 'The Explosive Child' and basically backing off and not expecting him to explain his feelings as if he is autistic this could be an impossible ask. Focus on reducing stress and making life as easy for him as possible.

Dawn Huebner's CBT workbooks 'What to do when you worry too much' and 'What to do when your temper flares' are excellent resources you can use at home (you work through together).

HardAsSnails · 07/01/2018 21:31

Also, AIBU is not the ideal place to post a question like this.

Original poster
LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 21:31

I have tried things to help him after researching ASD , they do help but they don't stop his internal struggles.

He would spend all day on his tablet researching trains if he could - he is so calm and settled then, but that's not always possible .

OP posts:
Notevilstepmother · 07/01/2018 21:32

Can you keep him off school for a couple of days?

Will he do any sort of exercise or physical activities?

If you can afford private help, I’d go for getting diagnosis ASAP and then with their recommendations.

Have you looked on the NAS website? That’s how I found someone.

www.autism.org.uk/services/autism-services-directory.aspx

Notevilstepmother · 07/01/2018 21:33

Can you suggest a day out with steam trains? It sounds to me like he needs a happy day.

Original poster
LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 21:34

Mindfulness is a good idea , I'll google some ideas .

hardassnails I know AIBU isn't ideal , I was just feeling a bit desperate when I posted Sad and there's traffic here .

OP posts:
ChickenPaws · 07/01/2018 21:36

My ds2 has aspergers and we had to get him to see a paediatric psychiatrist privately as camhs in our area is so dysfunctional.

He was always complaining of abdominal pain due to anxiety. He was around 11 when we got him to see the psych who put him onto a low dose of sertraline for the anxiety. This worked very well and he improved quickly.

If you can afford it I can recommend going private, but make sure they’re experienced with autism knowledge and are up to date with the latest research.

Original poster
LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 21:36

He refuses to go anywhere mostly. I offer him lots of fun things but he refuses to go .

We live by a railway museum and he likes to watch it out of the window but never wants to actually go .

We can spend days at a time cooped up at home after school and weekends because it's just sometimes too stressful to get him to go out .

OP posts:
Original poster
LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 21:38

chickenpaws did the private psychiatrist diagnose ASD or did they just help with the anxiety?

Could I ask roughly how much you paid , if you don't mind?

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EatTheChocolateTeapot · 07/01/2018 21:39

For my son who has HFA, I find telling a story about something he is passionate about helps distract him when he starts getting anxious. Also about clothes, my son sleeps in some of the next day clothes so there is less to put on in the morning.
He also had a piece of chocolate for breakfast every morning at one point (sometimes I used that to get him to use the loo before going to school).
Anything that gives positive thoughts, positive feelings. Any change like going back to school after a holiday will be anxiety inducing, as much preparation as possible, being told in advance and describing what is going to happen several times and several days before.

ColonelJackONeil · 07/01/2018 21:39

Let him have as much time as possible to do his steam train research. That's going to help him cope.

Original poster
LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 21:41

The CBT workbooks look helpful too , thank you Flowers

OP posts:
stressedoutfred · 07/01/2018 21:41

I’ve got a similar boy ( he’s aged 9). He’s been through a very stressful couple of years - chemotherapy- and he’s been left a total wreck mentally. Unfortunately he was also diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome last Easter and is on the waiting list for assessment with an expectation he will be diagnosed with inattentive ADHD or Dyspraxia Sad. He’s also partially sighted due to his tumour. Life sucks for him

Anyway, he’s had great support at school. He has regular ELSA sessions - they roll the usual 6 week block sessions to ensure he’s always got support- and he’s under a psychologist at hospital

He constantly complains about tummy ache/ headaches/ nausea. His teacher commented about him being very sensory orientated ( he chews everything when he’s stressed) so recommended a chew toy. We’re about to look into weighted blankets too as he doesn’t sleep well

Original poster
LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 21:43

I do give him his tablet quite often , more often than I should Blush

It does help , but then I feel awfully guilty because he also needs some fresh air and exercise .

OP posts:
Original poster
LifeAintQueasy · 07/01/2018 21:44

stressedoutfred I'm sorry to hear about your boy , he sounds like he's been through the mill.

It's so hard as a parent to see your child suffer . Flowers

OP posts:
ChickenPaws · 07/01/2018 21:45

We paid around £2000 for an assessment and a course of cbt - this didn’t work - it usually doesn’t in asd - the psychiatrist initially didn’t want to give him a label of asd, but acknowledged that he did have traits and asd behaviours. He’s now settled on him having aspergers (which I also have) and we’ve just gone from there.

He sees him every few months now and we have to send him to an online secondary school due to bullying. He’s kind of managing off the sertraline, but still complains of anxiety so may go back onto it. We pay around £100 per each consultation now. The private prescription just costs a few quid.

HardAsSnails · 07/01/2018 21:46

Do not feel guilty, his mental health is more important than anything else and if tablet time is what calms him then it's effective therapy.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 07/01/2018 21:46

It's fine to stay at home and just unwind because school is pretty intense whenyou have autism, but alternatively perhaps pick a place and go to that same place very regularly until it feels familiar enough. I suggest an outdoor place like a park, forrest or garden.