AIBU to ask for some guidance / help? Child with stomachache due to constant stress.

[LifeAintQueasy]

I really want to help my son

He's 8 and is on the route to ASD assessment ; although I'm certain he is autistic.

He has been acting out a lot this week (returned to school) ; he has angry outbursts , claws at himself (no damage done as he chews his fingers bare) and is generally shouty and upset .

Today he says he's so sad he says his tummy hurts when he is so angry all of the time . I think this is down to stress.

I talk to him about his feelings but he can never explain why he feels like this . He doesn't know how I can help him and sadly , neither do I

WTF do I do ?! The waiting times are so long I fear he's going to go without help at all anytime soon and it breaks my heart to see him so sad.

I can't get him to do anything without a big , distressing battle.

CAMHS won't deal with us because of the ASD potential .

If I were to seek private help , who would I see ?

A psychologist ? A psychiatrist? A psychotherapist to help him manage his anger ?

I'm at my wits end. Please help!

You've had lots of advice regarding routines etc to manage anxiety going forward. I would also take him to gp and discuss putting him on something to get his stomach settled right now- antacid or omeprazole. The actual pain in his stomach can fairly easily be made to go away with meds. You'll still need to tackle the cause of pain.
I have very disabled and autistic dd. Lots of camhs and pead involvement. She gets overexcited and then vomits. I give her antacids in difficult bits. I also have strategies to help regulate her excitement levels - including lots of chill out time.

Aldo give him a chewy tube or a chew necklace so he has something to bite other than his fingers. Available on amazon.

And in terms of routines maybe it's better to have the same routine everyday. Not one day tablet next day walk. I would have an after school wind down routine. Snack, chill out (low level thing he likes even if that's tablet), walk. Also have a set pre bed routine. Very common for autistic people to have trouble getting to sleep. Routines can help (as can melatonin).

I have our nine year old tucked up in bed with me with a sore stomach caused by thinking about Chernobyl, which his older brother was totally innocently talking about today. It’s his stress signal and it is so hard to see your children so sad. Last year he had this because he thought he had undetectable cancer. He also lost about 3 kgs and he isn’t a big boy.
We took him to a CB therapist who really helped him with the cancer fear and his generalised anxiety. I think I might get that Dawn Hurbner book mentioned upthread. My heart goes out to you OP.

OP if you can go for some private therapy

Search around , get referrals and create a very concise paragraph summarising the issue

In the meantime speak to School and ask for a one to one

My nephew also has this and I believe that School is a very tough place for Children who are on the spectrum and suffer with anxiety . A decent therapist can at least get him to talk and explore methods

Sorry it’s very very very tough and it won’t be this hard forever xx

My son with anxiety loves Relax Kids classes, the group leader also offers home sessions.

I know another child who gets on very well with animal therapy.

Try to keep going out, even if it is hard work. Just start with one place to start with, you could try a SEN session at a local soft play or the train museum. Go their regularly at the same time/day

Op, start asking around for local private therapists. There are lots out there. Do you have a community Facebook page you can ask (anonymously if you prefer?)

Your boy is exhausted with having to act "normal" all day. And terrified because he knows he isn't and doesn't understand why and what the rules are. My daughter was and is terrified of making a mistake at school or getting onto trouble. She worked SO hard at it and then the stress of it would all come out at home. The teachers could not recognise the daughter I would describe to them.

This lady is brilliant
thegirlwiththecurlyhair.co.uk/alis-rowe/

Have a look at her books. They are broken down subject by subject and make for great reading. This one might help?

www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergers-Syndrome-5-8-Year-Olds/dp/1512034959/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+visual+guide+to+asperger%27s+syndrome+in+5-8+year+olds&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1438705663&sr=8-1

The start of the journey is hard because they are suffering and we only have our NT parenting skills to rely on, but they don't apply! For the time being why don't you have a single plan for every day, including a short walk and then his tablet?

Good luck. Its hard but you sound like you are really on the case!

Try to keep going out, even if it is hard work
Bad advice. I'm autistic and having to go out is stressful. Let him stay home as much as possible (out of school time) where he can relax, and tell him that's the plan in advance so he's not worrying about it. Don't worry about him not getting fresh air etc - right now it's way more important to reduce the anxiety. He can get fresh air playing with the dog in the garden!

And if you could get a therapist to come to your house (some will) that would be miles better than adding another journey and another strange place to his life. He might find it easier to talk if he's safe at home cuddling the dog.

Thank you so much for all of the advice and support ; I'm reading through it all still .

He's at school and I've spent all morning printing and making social stories . I've cancelled his swim class for tonight (he hates it !) and I've charged his tablet for after school .

Here's hoping it will keep him calm.

Good luck I hope it helps him a bit.