To object to DH being treated like a 3 year old because he has cancer?

[ruthboros]

My husband has cancer and has been struggling to eat. On Friday the dietitian gave him this leaflet - inside there are various recipes she’d marked with a tick or a cross. Fair enough. However, she also felt the need to explain the meaning of a tick and a cross - despite the fact everyone is familiar with this system since primary school. I realise she has to deal with people in all kinds of situation and of different cultures, who genuinely might need an explanation. But my husband is very obviously British and also very obviously not intellectually impaired! AIBU to be angry he has been treated as if he is stupid just because he has cancer?

Not I think she should be able to tailor her response to the individual. Without that it's just a one size fits all isn't it.

Most people I know would view a cross and tick as the other way around without an explanation. Appreciate you’re both going through a lot but this isn’t a big deal.

I think you’re probably stressed and pissed off about cancer in general, because this is not something worth getting upset about. She provided clarity. Exactly what you would hope for.

Really? People you know would see a tick as things they can not eat and a cross as things they can?!

YANBU - he has cancer but he still an adult who can work these things out. I wouldn't be happy either

Yep. Sounds weird, but they would automatically go to the crosses and assume that’s what they can do.

Most people I know would view a cross and tick as the other way around without an explanation.

Really?! Who do you know who thinks a cross means good and a tick is bad?!

You and your DH must be going through a very tough time and I'm sorry about that but to be quite honest I think you're reading way too much into it.

I work in healthcare and all patient leaflets we give out have to be at a level that an eight year old can understand. Obviously that can end up reading as patronising to patients with better comprehension levels but we have to at least try to cover as much of the population as possible. As you point out yourself not all cultures will automatically understand ticks and this may be habit for the dietician to make herself as clear as possible.

Most NHS professionals are also pretty busy and if we spent half an hour deliberating the exact level of explanation needed for each patient we would never get the job done. The expression "Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good" ie don't overthink so much you get nothing done is very very relevant a lot of the time.

Mostly people who associate the tick stroke with a strike through.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Check_mark

My dietitian asked me what I was eating when I told her I was eating roast dinners and hadn't used my feeding tube at all, she said she was going to check my swallow - I laughed thinking she was joking - she wasn't!! If I couldn't swallow properly how could I eat and drink?

A tick has always been a 'yes' and a cross 'no' in my world, and many others I expect...!

I've had health care professionals give me what sound like pre rehearsed speeches that seem to cover all aspects of care regardless of my prior knowledge or experience. I imagine it's for legal reasons?

I’m sorry you’re going through a horrible time. I think she was trying to be helpful. She’s not trying to patronise your husband because he has cancer

You could be be silently aspirating.

I might need an explanation. Especially if I was stressed out & unwell. I only have a PhD & an IQ = 161.

Sorry you are going through this but she is simply giving a key as to what she meant - I think you are reading far too much into it. Also she is clarifying the key is based on her recommendations

Surely better that someone feels patronised, but is able to understand the information, than that someone else doesn't understand?

I have cancer too. It sucks. I'm sorry.

I make lots of notes at appointments. Ridiculously simple notes. But sometimes I can't get my head around even the most basic thing. I once forgot my own name illness can do really weird things to your mind, as I'm sure you and your husband know. Even something that seems simple or obvious can become a huge challenge.

My DH had a nurse explain an anaesthetic to him in very layman's terms - he administers them as part of his job - it's definitely a one size fits no one script.

To be honest it's probably a rule that she has to follow, to avoid any situation where someone did misunderstand. If she's patronising all the time then I see how it would be annoying but if this is the first time I would let it go.

Best wishes to your husband, hope you're both getting through it ok x

When in labour and things were going wrong they were explaining risks of various options to me and then what the statistics meant.

I’m an actuary and so had calculated the 1 in 150 risk they were quoting to infinite decimal places in my head but was too ill to speak and explain this.

I would be more annoyed by the statement 'fortijiuce can be enjoyed on its own ' tbh

I'm sorry your husband is so ill. Don't sweat the small stuff. The fruit flavours are slightly less grim that the milky one with those build up drinks, the apple is almost alright.

Randoms, did they know? I’m a vet and I often discuss what anaesthetic regime they’re using, but if I didn’t say anything, I’d expect a standard speil. They’re obliged often to explain everything for legal reasons. I’m sure that’s why the explanation on your diet sheet OP. If they didn’t make it absolutely clear and your husband did the wrong thing, they could get sued. And given how much stress he is probably under, even things that would usually be obvious might get misunderstood.

I'm sorry you're both having such a shit time. That's it really.

I'm an HCP and I know I get info levels wrong all the time. However, I have heard too many highly intelligent but also stressed, unwell, heavily medicated patients deny they have ever been given information and tell me they would have found it useful, when i know i have told them what i can, to risk not writing stuff down as clearly as I can make it.

For me a tick means "yes" and a cross means "no", but see the post Most people I know would view a cross and tick as the other way around without an explanation.

It's probably safer to explain just in case. Don't over think it, she was just trying to be thorough.

Good luck to you and your DH

Personally, I read it as providing clarification about precisely what a tick and cross mean in this context, rather than explaining what they mean in general (which obviously everyone knows).

i.e. the key lets you know they are recommendations rather than “you must eat this” and “don’t eat this.” Or “This recipe works” and “this recipe doesn’t work”. I realise most people would probably work that out for themselves but perhaps she’d been asked so many times that she thought it was easier just to include the key.

I’m sorry your husband has cancer.