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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just have a ranty fucking rant though IABU?

57 replies

Wanderlust1984 · 07/01/2018 14:16

ExH and I generally get on very well. He has our DD every other weekend. My friend (who's DD was born on same day and is my DDs BF) suggested we book a cottage for the weekend of their birthday. She's not free other weekends because of her shifts at work. It's exH's weekend and he's refusing to swop, even though he's no plans for her. I'm pissed off, but can't really demand he swops. We were going to have hot tubs, games, buffet, make own pizzas, let the girls make mocktails, watch films, chat, sip wine and pretty much have an awesome time Sad I'm fucking pissed off but IABU. Just wanted to rant. Feel a little better already Grin

OP posts:
mamas12 · 07/01/2018 14:20

How old is dd?
If she's old enough to state her preference then hopefully that'll sway it

TinyBarista · 07/01/2018 14:23

Rant away. What a knobber.
Sounds like a lovely weekend please adopt me

honeysucklejasmine · 07/01/2018 14:24

Is he saying no just to spite you?

RandomMess · 07/01/2018 14:25

Urgh what a pain! Book for another weekend even if months later and do it anyway!!

ineedamoreadultieradult · 07/01/2018 14:25

Is it near enough he could come up to visit for her birthday tea or something? I can see how he doesn't want to miss her birthday.

AnathemaPulsifer · 07/01/2018 14:26

I get why you’re unhappy, and by all means rant away, but you do know he probably just wants to be with his beloved daughter on her birthday, right?

VladmirsPoutine · 07/01/2018 14:26

No. YANBU. He's being bloody minded. Can you just refuse to hand her over. What a bastard.

Original poster
Wanderlust1984 · 07/01/2018 14:31

I don't think he's just doing it out of spite. He just wants to see her on her birthday. I just really wanted to have this lovely weekend away Sad we probably will still go later in the year as soon as we can. But I'll sulk in the meantime Grin

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 07/01/2018 14:34

Of course he wants to see his dd on her birthday, nothing wrong with that.

You can always go away later in the year, it will be something to look forward too. The queen as 2 birthdays after all, if its good enough for her...

AnathemaPulsifer · 07/01/2018 14:37

Sulk away, just don’t get your head turned by people call8ng him a bastard and advising you not to hand her over. Your DD has two parents who love her and get along very well. That’s a very precious thing, so rant and fume well out of his earshot so you can preserve it Grin

Original poster
Wanderlust1984 · 07/01/2018 14:40

I know I'm BU and won't be withholding her, just ranting to the lovely world of MN Grin on and girls will be turning 8

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 07/01/2018 14:43

Venting here so you can be sweetness and light to him (because you know YABU really) is definitely the way forward Grin

Gemini69 · 07/01/2018 14:44

You didn't CHECK before booking ????

ineedamoreadultieradult · 07/01/2018 14:46

Gemini I'm pretty sure she hasn't booked.

UnitedKungdom · 07/01/2018 14:46

What kind of a person suggests withholding access in this situation! @Vladmirs you should be ashamed. Children are not toys.

ilovekitkats · 07/01/2018 14:48

OP, it is a shame, but if it is his weekend, it is his weekend, all you can do is ask and he said no. Imagine if it were your weekend, and he wanted to do it you.

At least you can book another weekend and go then, although obviously not the same as not their actual birthday. Could your friend rearrange her work to go the weekend before or after?

hungryhippo90 · 07/01/2018 14:49

Bit of a weird idea- but can he tag along? I don’t know how well you get on..
but you’d both be able to spend the weekend with her

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/01/2018 14:49

To be honest; that weekend sounds more appealing to the adults concerned than it would to an 8 year old?
Why would you assume she won't have as good a time with her Dad?

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/01/2018 14:51

It’s her birthday and he’s her other, equal, parent.

If it was your weekend and you were looking forward to spending it with her would you agree to swapping just because you hadn’t yet made any plans? You must have both agreed to the dates and you knew it was his turn to have her for her birthday.

Honestly, your friend’s work arrangements aren’t your ex’s problem. And that’s what this is about.

ChelleDawg2020 · 07/01/2018 14:52

As you admit, YABU. It's the father's weekend, and he would like to see her. It's not his fault that your friend is inflexible with dates.

Gemini69 · 07/01/2018 14:52

aahh that's okay then.. a Shame all the same Flowers

CurlyRover · 07/01/2018 14:54

I agree with the others. YABU but you already know that. I think it's good he wants to spend time with his DD for her birthday.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 07/01/2018 14:55

She's old enough to make her own decision at 8 let her choose?

Ginormoustrawberry · 07/01/2018 14:57

Why don’t you just go two weeks after or two weeks before.

You will still be celebrating the same thing but circumstances are just dictating an alternative date.

I really don’t get why you’re so ranty about it when there’s such a simple solution?!

And those who are suggesting he’s a bastard are, quite frankly, idiots Hmm

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/01/2018 15:00

^ oh don’t be daft. What if OPs DD “decides” not to come back from her dad’s one day. Do you suggest OP just goes along with her 8 year old’s “decision”?

Good job OP is a lot more sensible than you and despite a moan on this specific issue, which she knows is unreasonable, she realises the child’s right to a meaningful relationship with both her parents, including birthdays with them both, is more important than a jolly that suits her friend.