Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mental load capacity - aibu

60 replies

Quiddichcup · 07/01/2018 09:05

Just a massive rant. Probably abu.

My brain is full up. I got back from a big holiday a week ago. House is a tip, 10 loads of washing, suitcases out. Stuff in piles to be sorted. Awful jet lag that saw me fall asleep at my desk wednesday.

Lone parent so no one to help and just concentrated on getting through the day. House gets in worse state.
Brain tired.
Brought a car yesterday so spent time doing extra stuff for that, have 2 job interviews next week, same day, 1 hour apart. Both would make a huge impact to my lifestyle if I got them. Need to find an interview outfit and prep like crazy for them.

My mother has 'sold my old car. I wasn't even going to put an ad up till next weekend because I have so much to do this week ( also work 33hrs) my mental load is full up. She just called me lazy and said I'm crap because I don't immediately know where all my old car paperwork is ( I know the general area) and that i should sort myself out.

So. Basically. Am I a lazy cow or is this enough on my plate.

OP posts:
lookingforthecorkscrew · 07/01/2018 09:10

As someone who has never been able to afford ‘big holidays’, and isn’t likely to be able to in the future, I do struggle to feel sympathy for the luggage/jet lag situation.

LilRedWG · 07/01/2018 09:11

Tell your mother to butt out and that you'll sell your car when you are good and ready.

Yes, she may be trying to help but taking some laundry for you would be more productive!

OuchBollocks · 07/01/2018 09:11

Helpful, looking Hmm

eastwest1234 · 07/01/2018 09:12

Sorry I agree with looking

TinyBarista · 07/01/2018 09:12

I don't know.... Holiday is meant to be time to recharge and enjoy?
Why 10 loads of washing, a week later - get on it now, and do it little and often. Do you struggle with motivation?
Sounds like your mother was trying to help to be honest. You sound a bit ungrateful here.
Don't put up barriers, accept the help. Sounds like you need a little bit of support and it wouldn't be a weakness.
You can do it OP.

RandomMess · 07/01/2018 09:13

Yes you have a lot on your plate.

Next holiday factor in the coming back with taking more leave/not having anything else on your plate.

Hope the interviews go well Thanks

brizzledrizzle · 07/01/2018 09:13

People are pretty jealous aren't they ?

Op, YANBU.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 07/01/2018 09:14

Looking, me neither. I was put in a very fortunate position. Trip of a life time when the last 15 years holidays have been no existent or camping.

I'm not going to apologise for having caught a break. But I under estimated the bone crunching exhaustion of jet lag and trying to be at work/ do everything.

OP posts:
acquiescence · 07/01/2018 09:15

It sounds like you could do with a bit of outsourcing. You are presumably reasonably well off to afford long haul holidays so do you have a regular cleaner? Someone who can take your ironing in?
Not helpful now I know but for future holidays the way I manage is to ensure th house is left immaculate and make sure I bring home mostly clean clothes by using a laundrette when away. Not always possibly but makes a big difference. I have another parent to support me however and appreciate it’s not that straight forward when on your own.

OuchBollocks · 07/01/2018 09:16

OP don't apologise or explain for having been away. Some people obviously weren't told that if they 'can't say something nice say nothing' as children. Or maybe YABU for having a newer car too, because some people can't drive or afford to run a car? Some people can't get jobs or interviews?

Tell your mum to wind her neck in, you'll sort it.

CycleHire · 07/01/2018 09:17

YANBU

My mother has a tendency to ‘help’ while simultaneously making me feel bad. It’s not nice.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 07/01/2018 09:17

Washing is all done. Not put away, but done.

No more leave to take and wasn't though poor planning my end as I didn't plan the trip. It just happened. It wasn't relaxing, we squeezed every moment of fun out of it.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 07/01/2018 09:17

Can you be honest with your mum and say you're struggling, and ask her to help out with something practical, like the washing?

It's a bit sad that your first responses are jealous and unhelpful.

WorriedandExhausted · 07/01/2018 09:19

Everyone is different, and only few people might meet your mothers expectations.

Since there is such a huge backlog of work and you have been jet lagged it will take a while to get back on top of everything. Just ignore your mum and go at your own pace.

Mummadeeze · 07/01/2018 09:19

Reading through the lines, I think you will feel a million times better when those job interviews are out the way. If they are a big deal, I would focus on them and sod everything else until after that. Write a detailed to do list for when they are over and you will find you will be able to cope with everything after that.

jaseyraex · 07/01/2018 09:20

Ignore your mother. You've got enough to deal with. All the home stuff can be stressful but as long as you've got clean clothes to wear and the house is messy but clean, then don't worry about all of that. Get it done when you can. A bit of mess is not the end of the world. Focus on your job interviews, get the rest done when you can. Also you've got my sympathy for jet lag, it's awful!

g1itterati · 07/01/2018 09:20

Look at the glass half full instead of half empty.
The washing is just fabric and it can not do any damage. Just do it one load at a time. Drop it all of at an ironing service tomorrow, job done.
Your mum is trying to help you. You have a new car coming and your old car sold - sorted!
I think it's the interviews stressing you out. Focus on finding an outfit today and preparing for that. Maybe go shopping and out for lunch?
By next weekend it will all be over and done with.

Llangollen · 07/01/2018 09:20

I hate this expression "mental load" and your OP is a perfect example why.

jet lag is not mental load, you are just tired
House, laundry etc. is not mental load, sorry. You put the piles and you deal with them as you go along, there's nothing to think about or to plan.
Your house can't be such a tip if you have just been away, or did you have unruly guests?

Get some food in the house. Chose your interview outfits, and set them aside in a safe place (with a back up). Prepare your itinary.

Get the stuff ready for your kids tomorrow (school or nursery or whatever you need).

Done.

Now, it won't take you any time or energy to put a load of laundry on, and hang it outside if you have a line, or stuff it in the dryer. And repeat.

Have an early night, and start prep for interviews tomorrow when you have had a good night sleep.

Mental Load is not dealing with a few house chores! Don't stress yourself thinking it is, you are creating your mental stress.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 07/01/2018 09:22

Not well off at all.
Trip was a gift. Then I had a ppi claim come in, hence the car.

Usually lucky to have a few pounds in my purse at the end of the month.

House was left iimmaculate but then we got home! And then wasnt. And we have been home a week....so needs cleaning. 6 laundry baskets of clothes need to be put away.

I have to do it today because I'm back st work tomorrow and then need to work on the interview stuff and get something to wear. My brain can't deal with any more stuff.

OP posts:
blackheartsgirl · 07/01/2018 09:23

Blimey yanbu op and I say that as someone who’s never been on holiday abroad since I was a kid and I’m permanently skint

People are jealous much?

Hope you had a lovely holiday

TinyBarista · 07/01/2018 09:23

Well that's good washing news! Glad you had a good holiday. If you're unused to jet lag yes it can be a killer and you underestimate time to get back on track. My BIL takes frequent int'l meetings and has a strict 'recovery' schedule!
Make sure you do take the time to concentrate on your interviews though. These would have biggest impact on your life going forwards. Best of luck.

BlackeyedSusan · 07/01/2018 09:24

yabu Op. don't youknow single parents are not allowed a break at all? [sarcastic] because you know you are supposed to punish your child by not taking them on holiday.. [eyeroll]

single parenting is exhausting. so not, not lazy, no. you mother is just grumpy.

at least you did not spend the day doing the bare minimum like I did tuesday after a systems overload on Monday..

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 07/01/2018 09:24

It is the mental load when it's only me that has to think about it all.
And it is the mental load when it's all my full responsibility.

OP posts:
ginorwine · 07/01/2018 09:27

You sound very tired and poss jet lagged which has led to overwhelm
And emotion ?
So
Interviews are priority ? Put the prep for them first . Put over stuff aside and work on yr prep for them - other stuff can wait .
Hide the laundry except for essentials and reduce distraction - don't yet do it all .
The jet lag wil settle and one thing , well , at a time . ?
You need to feel more in control ?
All the best .

Cambionome · 07/01/2018 09:28

What a patronising post, Llangollen. Hmm

Jet lag is shit, op, and the last thing you need is your dm calling you lazy. Get this next week out of the way and then have a quiet word with her.

Good luck with the interviews.

Swipe left for the next trending thread