Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think DSis OH was a bit... weird?

98 replies

lookingforthecorkscrew · 06/01/2018 19:16

(I’ve been stewing on this a bit) DSis has a new boyfriend, and brought him round a couple of weeks ago to meet me, DH and 3yo DS.

DS is still in pull-ups, he had additional needs and isn’t really potty trained at all yet. However, he claimed to need the potty at the time DSis and her boyfriend were visiting, so of course I sat him on it straight away, just to the side of the room slightly. As he sat down the boyfriend looked pointedly at DS’s genitals and said ‘Oooh, nice one DSname, they’ll see you right in life!’ - it was v obvious he was congratulating my child on his (average, I think) genitals.

At the time I kind of laughed it off, but later on after they’d left it really started to bother me. Why comment on my kid’s genitals at all? I mean, I get that you might not be able to help looking at them but he’s a little boy using a potty, not a mate in the locker room.

Was he a bit u? Am I overthinking this?!

OP posts:

treesaregreenandblue · 07/01/2018 09:41

This thread has just reminded me of something... (I don't mean to 'hi jack' just thought possibly relevant).

A while ago my 3 year old was lying on a trampette thing with 3 other children of a similar age. There was a boy in the middle, and another girl on the other side of him. They were pretending they were in bed with a little mat/'blanket' over them (obviously all very innocent).

The Dad of the boy made some sort of comment about how he'd be very lucky if he was older or something. I can't remember the exact words but obviously referring to some sort of threesome.

I was just sort of shocked and didn't really say anything.

I know the Dad , he's a nice guy. It was obviously a joke, and he meant nothing by it. Obviously it was also a reference to 'when they're older'. It just felt so weird that he was referencing my daughter and 2 other children having a threesome! I was shocked and just thought it very weird. But I put it down to an odd comment/sense of humour and moved on. He probably saw my face st the time...!
The mum of the other girl looked a bit as well.. but we all moved on. I suppose I knew this guy, at a first meeting I might had thought more of it/judged him more.

treesaregreenandblue · 07/01/2018 10:44

I think I was more annoyed that my daughter was being referenced as some sort of 'achievement'/'conquest' for his son, now I'm reflecting on it again.

Hmmmm, maybe I didn't 'move on' as much as I'd thought..?! .

(I have really, but looking back I think that is what I found more annoying/probably offensive. And weird he even mentioned it. Anywho..! X).!

I think any 'joking' about kids like that is a bit weird.

I don't like the phrase 'flirting' in reference to kids either ie look baby DS is 'flirting' with the waitress (um, well he's smiling at her which is lovely. Flirting is what adults do). Sorry, maybe that's another thread.! X.

MoanasPig · 07/01/2018 10:56

If he doesn't have children or hasn't been around them a lot maybe he thought it was weird that you just whacked out a potty and let your kid shit and piss in the living room. I would be uncomfortable with that too and probably make some kind of crap joke

Elsiejane · 07/01/2018 11:38

*CheapSausagesAndSpam

i agree. Please give your son some dignity in future. He's not a creature....his toileting and genitalia are private.*

She has already stated that moving the potty elsewhere was not doable as her son has additional needs.

Queenofthestress · 07/01/2018 11:52

Jesus Christ, the child has additional needs. Anyone who has ever even remotely potty trained a child with additional needs knows it's not as simple as moving the bloody potty somewhere else. Half the time it's a miracle they even ask or recognize what the potty is.
I think it was just an awkward joke, it can be nerve wracking for others to meet the partners family especially if their child has other needs. It was for my dp lol

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 07/01/2018 12:10

Queen additional needs or not, a child's privacy should be respected. There's no need to change any child in front of an audience!

altiara · 07/01/2018 12:11

No I think he was embarrassed as well.
OP you keep complaining about the fact people are saying to move the potty to somewhere appropriate, but the underlying message is not criticising you but backing up the embarrassment as you don’t normally expect the potty in the living room. I can see why you do it, but can you see why he made a stupid immature comment rather than judging him as ‘weird’. He could rightly say to his family, your family were weird with the potty all over the place, but he probably put it out of mind. By all means if he continues acting as a 12 year old, then think of him as immature but give him a bit of slack on one comment in an odd situation. Especially with the majority of posters saying they didn’t think he was being weird in thus situation.

iliketoeat · 08/01/2018 00:39

Yes we all read that the child has additional needs. Start potty training in the bathroom, then you don't have to move the potty from the lounge.

HipNewName · 08/01/2018 02:57

I love the potty training advice from people who've never trained a special needs child to use the rest room! It's so awesome.

I'm going to admit to something VERY personal that I know many of you will look down on me for. I left the potty chair in the living while potty training my child with autism. I also had a baby to take care of, and the living room was very central in the house. And all of you who think it's gross but haven't potty trained a child with autism can think whatever you want of me. I don't care. I raised a child with autism and I now have VERY thick skin. You can't do worse to me here than I've had done in stores and restaurants and schools and parks and every other place one would go with a child while raising them. I got judged pretty much every time we left the house, so look down on me! Please!! I'm fine with it.

but for god's sake, lay off @lookingforthecorkscrew . I've been where she is, and it is difficult, and draining, and isolating, and the future is very scary. Please only say nice things to her.

I'm past that difficult part. My DD is a young adult and doing really well. She may never be fully independent, but she has a job and bank account and is generally lovely. Aim all your advice and comments at me. I can handle it now, but I couldn't have when I was where lookforthecorkscrew is right now because I got judged so much from people who had no idea what I was dealing with.

RestingGrinchFace · 08/01/2018 03:00

I don't necessarily see anything sinister in it but it is most definitely very uncouth (although so is putting a child on a potty in front of someone you have only just met).

PidgeonSpray · 08/01/2018 19:41

I'm sure he didn't mean anything weird by it...

Reminds me of this Curb moment :-D

midnightmisssuki · 08/01/2018 19:49

You put your sons potty in the lounge where everyone could see?! that in itself is odd. I would have been embarrassed in that situation. Maybe the bf was just trying to make light of a very embarrassing situation and could think of nothing else. It was a silly comment which he thought was funny that’s all. You are overthinking this way too much.

TheVanguardSix · 08/01/2018 19:55

People say stupid stuff. I wouldn't give it too much thought. Like others said, he was probably just trying to make light of a situation he's not used to.

Fauxgina · 08/01/2018 20:00

Just to add some balance in case anyone is feeling slightly ashamed, the potty was left out in this house, there's no way I was hiding it in rooms I wasn't using. It was accessible for when my children needed to use it urgently and convenient for me.

Once we had established a pattern and potty training was well underway we transitioned into the bathroom with them having the choice of potty or toilet.

I also have a cat that likes to shit im the litter tray when visitors arrive, and a dog with no shame on walks either.

So someone visiting my home possibly having a small chance of witnessing my 2 year old do a small wee on the potty and being proud of herself - I couldn't care less if that bothered someone visiting! Go to Costa for a drink if you choose, but if you come to my home you'll be welcome with a cup and a cake and toddlers in the nude. So what.

Therunecaster · 08/01/2018 21:17

Just burst out laughing.

tinkerbellone · 08/01/2018 21:29

According to this thread I've commuted pottying faux pas for all four of my children
OP I kept my potty where-ever my child wanted to go. Usually in the living room. I pick it up and we (my DS and I) would take it to the toilet to tip away.
I have never thought that it was rude or inappropriate, guests or no guests.
Always clap and make a big fuss :)

tinkerbellone · 08/01/2018 21:29

*committed

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 08/01/2018 22:07

Tinker I think some people don't mind or think much of it but others do...it's pretty blind really. And children should be given privacy.

Nanny0gg · 08/01/2018 22:37

^^This.

LeeBird · 08/01/2018 23:22

AnyFucker - what you said

SezziBaybee · 08/01/2018 23:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

LineysRunes · 08/01/2018 23:43

trees I get you. Thanks to my ex MiL I know the size of my nephew's genitals whether he likes it or not (or whether I like it or not) (and I'd rather not know tbh) and he's 20 now. Shut up ffs about it.

It was never ever an appropriate topic of remarks.

newmumwithquestions · 08/01/2018 23:43

Well I’ve committed potty training faux pas here. I had potties all over the place. I used to get a 2 second warning and with no downstairs toilet I’d far rather have someone offended by seeing a potty used than have accidents on the floor.

They’re up in the bathroom now as DD knows what she’s doing now so will happily get herself upstairs but personally I think in those initial stages of training anything goes!

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread