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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DSis OH was a bit... weird?

98 replies

lookingforthecorkscrew · 06/01/2018 19:16

(I’ve been stewing on this a bit) DSis has a new boyfriend, and brought him round a couple of weeks ago to meet me, DH and 3yo DS.

DS is still in pull-ups, he had additional needs and isn’t really potty trained at all yet. However, he claimed to need the potty at the time DSis and her boyfriend were visiting, so of course I sat him on it straight away, just to the side of the room slightly. As he sat down the boyfriend looked pointedly at DS’s genitals and said ‘Oooh, nice one DSname, they’ll see you right in life!’ - it was v obvious he was congratulating my child on his (average, I think) genitals.

At the time I kind of laughed it off, but later on after they’d left it really started to bother me. Why comment on my kid’s genitals at all? I mean, I get that you might not be able to help looking at them but he’s a little boy using a potty, not a mate in the locker room.

Was he a bit u? Am I overthinking this?!

OP posts:

Lashalicious · 06/01/2018 20:55

Ok. 1) the boyfriend is very weird. Just no. VERY strange remark. The appropriate thing for him to have done, seeing as you had the potty in open viewing from the living room in the dining room (why?), is for him to give your ds as much privacy as he could by politely, immediately, looking away and not zeroing in on him and CERTAINLY not making comments about your son.

don’t put the potty there. Put it where it belongs, in the bathroom or toilet room. That’s an easy one. Or if there’s no room, at least put in as private a space as you have. It doesn’t belong in the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, or the hall, or the back entry or the foyer. I mean, come on. Am I in an alternate universe? This is on par with a woman who I saw change her granddaughter’s diaper in the middle of the aisle (on the floor) of a church right after the service with people walking around them. Yes, you were in your own home but still, those rooms are the more public spaces and babies and toddlers deserve a little dignity when it comes to private stuff like that. I think when you have a baby, at least in my case, my normal modesty barriers completely went away for some reason and that may be why you temporarily think the potty is ok out in the open like that.

And your sister may need to drop the boyfriend. I guess it’s possible it was a nervous comment in light of the strange scene of seeing you plop your child down on his potty in the living/dining room while you had guests (or even not having guests), but I don’t know, it seems a terribly weird comment in itself. He didn’t just remark on the fact of the potty and going on the potty, he made a sexual reference to your child’s genitals, VERY WEIRD.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 06/01/2018 20:56

I get why you have to have your ds use the potty where it works best for him, but I’d probably make allowances for th bf being embarrassed / feeling awkward. It’s quite a surprising situation to find yourself in when you first meet your new gf’s family tbh. Although, as I say, I get why you had to do it. Bit mean to judge the bf based on this one comment, considering the awkward/ embarrassment factor.

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 06/01/2018 20:58

This sounds like he was embarrassed and made a really stupid comment. Unless there's anything else about him that makes you uncomfortable regarding your child then I'd not really think about it.

berwickswan · 06/01/2018 20:58

Socially inept and inappropriate comment. Hope you fixed him with a Paddington-style Hard Stare, OP.

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 06/01/2018 21:00

Oh and I dont think you did anything wrong - when a child needs the potty, they need the potty.

ReanimatedSGB · 06/01/2018 21:09

It sounds more like a crass remark made out of nervousness than anything worse. If he carries on making stupid, inappropriate remarks then by all means let your DSis know you're not impressed, but loads of people say idiotic things when under stress (meeting your beloved's family for the first time PLUS seeing someone's kid plonked on a potty when you are not used to children is enough to make a lot of people say something they will be kicking themselves for afterwards).

BackHome · 06/01/2018 21:21

When my DS was born, the midwife made a similar remark! I've never forgotten it!

MadMags · 06/01/2018 21:22

I think you created an awkward atmosphere through no-one's fault, and he reacted with an awkward comment.

You've said he's immature and he sounds it.

I wouldn't say it's a huge deal though.

RavingRoo · 06/01/2018 21:24

Sounds like the kind of ill thought out comment I might make when embarassed. Let it go and judge him when he’s not faced by his new gf’s sister potty training her son the first time they meet!

Touchmybum · 06/01/2018 21:26

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Nobody wants to see someone else's toddler take a dump. You should have blocked him off from view. Boyfriend may not be used to children and thought you were the weird one, and said the first stupid thing that came into his head to cover his embarrassment!

BigBaboonBum · 06/01/2018 21:32

When my son was born a midwife made a joke about the size of his penis, and another midwife joined in and made a comment about he won’t struggle in life etc
Totally inappropriate, but some people are awkward and have a weird sense of humor. It didn’t phase me

InsomniacAnonymous · 06/01/2018 21:36

BigBaboonBum I think that's so weird. To look at a baby (that she's just seen born!) and think of it having sex. I just can't fathom it at all.

Gemz1806 · 06/01/2018 21:55

if it was me, I wouldn't have moved the potty from the usual place! I would have done just what you did. So i wouldn't worry about that to much. I also wouldn't worry too much about the comment. Yes very immature and uncalled for, but if he did have inappropriate feelings about children I'm sure he wouldn't just blurt them out. I'm guessing poor judgment. He was unsure in a new situation. Said the "first stupid" thing that came into his head. I wouldn't think too much into it.

strangerhoes · 06/01/2018 21:59

Werid he said that but yabvu to just whip his pants down in front of a stranger.
Safe guard your child

treesaregreenandblue · 06/01/2018 22:24

Did he look embarrassed once he's said it? Ie do you think he realised what a weird comment it was and wanted the ground to swallow him up? Or did he just carry on as normal?

treesaregreenandblue · 06/01/2018 22:33

The comment was weird and inappropriate; but I wouldn't keep 'stewing' over it if I were you. It sounds like it's come from a place of immaturity and social awkwardness?, rather than anything 'worse' if you see what I mean?, especially as this was a first meeting/nerves etc x.

Have you spoken to your sister much about him? X

nestletollhouse · 06/01/2018 22:43

I have a friend who potty trained her kid in the dining/lounge area. God it was awful. Why would you do this?!

Scrumptiousbears · 06/01/2018 22:44

Op, what do you think it was about then?

tiddliewinkiewoo · 06/01/2018 22:44

*BigBaboonBum Sat 06-Jan-18 21:32:02
When my son was born a midwife made a joke about the size of his penis, and another midwife joined in and made a comment about he won’t struggle in life etc
Totally inappropriate, but some people are awkward and have a weird sense of humor. It didn’t phase me

Add message | Report | Message poster InsomniacAnonymous Sat 06-Jan-18 21:36:29
BigBaboonBum I think that's so weird. To look at a baby (that she's just seen born!) and think of it having sex. I just can't fathom it at all.*

Whilst I don't agree it's what I would say - much as I would never have dressed my child in 'sexy' clothing what some parents chose to such as crop tops for little girls etc - I have however come across some men (and women - mothers, brothers, sisters, cousins) making comments along the lines of 'isn't he a big boy' pfnarr pfnarr!' at a nappy change.

Was in no way 'imagining a baby having sex after just being born' ffs! now THAT comment about 'he's a big boy' ever could.

Elsiejane · 07/01/2018 02:20

I have a friend who potty trained her kid in the dining/lounge area. God it was awful. Why would you do this?!
She has clearly stated that her son has additional needs.

littletinyme1 · 07/01/2018 03:12

I think parents get so used to their kids going around starkers/knickerless/nappyless etc that we forget that other people have no experience of this. It is your own home, and its what you are comfortable with, but i wouldn't treat a stranger to the delights of potties or nappy changing, esp not on first visit! I don't think its something i would want anyone other than family to see.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 07/01/2018 03:35

i agree. Please give your son some dignity in future. He's not a creature....his toileting and genitalia are private.

Italiangreyhound · 07/01/2018 03:50

Slightly odd thing to do but I also think it is odd for people to let their children use the potty in front of others.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs "Honestly ignore the comments about your ds sitting on the potty in another part of the room from pps, you didn't ask their opinion on that..." Since when were people on Mumsnet limited to answering one specific question? If the guy said something a bit weird it may be because for him the situation was a bit weird.

Italiangreyhound · 07/01/2018 03:51

littletinyme1 " It is your own home, and its what you are comfortable with, but i wouldn't treat a stranger to the delights of potties or nappy changing, esp not on first visit! I don't think its something i would want anyone other than family to see." Totally agree.

Lucylululu · 07/01/2018 07:43

Just a joke, obviously. Chill out.

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