DM, babysitting and the jumperoo

[SugarPlumpFairie]

I had to leave my 6mo DD the other day as I had to go to a meeting that wouldn't have been appropriate to bring her along to. My DM very kindly offered to have her for a few hours. I had to concerns as she's looked after her several times before with no issue and they have a good relationship.

When I picked up DD after the meeting, my mum was eager to show me videos and pictures of her having fun in a jumperoo. I have told my mother several times that I don't want to use a jumper for her because of lots of research showing it's not great for babies hip development. It transpires that she'd gone out and bought a second hand one anyway behind my back.

When I expressed how annoyed I was that she'd ignored my wishes, she tried to justify herself by showing and saying how much of a great time DD had. For me though that's not the point, it's more so that she ignored my express wishes for DD not to use one and the reasons behind why I made that decision.

AIBU to be really annoyed that she's effectively ignored my parenting choice and to worry about trusting her to babysit again? I'm prepared to be told I'm overreacting about my pfb.

I don't want this to turn in to a debate about using or not using baby bouncers, you go for whatever works for you and your child, it's just not for me.

How long was she in the jumper for? If it was less than 20 minutes I wouldn’t sweat it.

You can make whatever rules you like for your child. If she can’t stick by them then she can’t babysit.

Well, her ignoring what you said is a bit annoying.
But it's not like it'll harm her so I couldn't get bothered over it

I think the only option is not to ask her to babysit again tbh

What Testing says.

There’s no harm done but that isn’t the point is it?

OP’s DM specifically did exactly what she was asked not to.

That’s frustrating OP.

Corkscrew I think about half an hour, but I don't know the exact length.

Honestly, whilst I would be annoyed she had done something that I had specifically said I wasn't keen on, I equally couldn't get too cross about my baby having a lovely time in a fairly safe way with granny. A few minutes in a jumperoo isn't going to have caused any lasting damage.

I think you are being a tiny bit PFB in this particular situation.

It's not like she gave her crack. As a once off, 10 minutes in a jumparoo is not going to kill her.

My dad, without fail, gives my DS tonnes of chocolate even though I beg him to just give tiny amounts as treats. I’ve basically given up on battling it now. DS isn’t obese, or unwell, and I know that when he’s in my care (which is 95% of the time) he lives by my rules.

I wouldn't be happy about this and would wonder what if she's going to ignore other more serious decisions I make regarding my child.

It's frustrating, mine did it with stuff too. But try and see it for what it is before you get too mad. Your mum was excited to watch her grandchild and to help you, she bought a jumperoo for your child's enjoyment, not to hurt their hips. She should have listened, but she didn't and at the end of the day none of it was deliberately malicious iykwim? Just explain to her again why you don't want them to use one and tell her what IS appropriate so she can buy something for her grandchild to enjoy. I got so mad over stuff like this too when my daughter was little and 4 years on I wish I hadn't lol. So yeah, she was wrong, but just help her to do better next time.

What Pizza says - honestly you will relax a lot about this stuff as she gets older. The odd half hour in a jumperoo at Granny’s won’t cause any harm.

Whilst I don't see a problem with a short period of time in jumperoos, your dm should respect your wishes if you've made it clear you don't want baby using them.

I'm genuinely interested in hearing what the problem with jumperoos is if you have a link? My dd loved hers and we never had a problem. But then she wasn't stuck in it all day and I wonder if that's where the problem lies? Excessive use?

I remember having battles like this when ds1 was a baby. Looking back I was very pfb!
Will you be leaving her in your mum's cafe longer term, or when you go back to work? If so then you need to think about picking your battles. It's really not that bad, your dad had fun and her hips are fine. They are probably only bad for hip development if you leave the kid in it for hours on end.

. I got so mad over stuff like this too when my daughter was little and 4 years on I wish I hadn't lol.

Snap pizza. My mum tried to give 6 month old ds a tiny lick of chocolate icing. I said no I'd not want him having it really and she moved forward to give him a taste anyway. I remember really snapping at her and she instantly backed off and said sorry, and okay. I was such a twat about it. She respected my wishes when she realised I meant it but I wish now I'd just let her have that little moment with him and not been so God damn precious. With my second child she probably had a whole serves 6 chocolate cake by 3 months not really but yswim

Pick your battles (aka live and let live).

Yes, there is evidence that regularly spending long periods of time in a jumparoo is not good for hips, but 20
mins every now and then is not going to do harm. Is it more important to you that your DM has a good relationship with your DD and that you can rely on her to babysit, or that she looks after her in exactly the same way you do but only under your supervision?

It's like the relationship you will have with your DD as she gets older. There will be plenty of times when you will say or think "I would rather that you didn't do XYZ, but it's not actually doing any harm". You could be strict and insist your DD behaves exactly as you wish all the time but you will end up with a tense relationship where you are constantly telling her No and she is getting upset because she is constantly challenging that No. Or you can save your No for the things that really matter and she will soon learn that No is something that is used only occasionally and for a serious reason.

Just like you might distract your DD with a suitable alternative to the thing you don't want her to do, why not get an ergonomic bouncer for your DM to use rather than the jumperoo? There is one I bought via Amazon (I think called merry muscles, or something like that) which is designed by a physiotherapist to provide proper support for babies hips.

It's not what was done so much as the disrespect to your wishes your DM has shown. If you had a jumper but had asked her not to use it yet, you would be a bit unreasonable. But since you've explicitly expressed a concern about using one at all and DM still bought and used one, you are definitely within your rights to be angry.

I would be worried what it might mean in other situations.

floaty why is snapping at someone who is blatantly ignoring your polite no, you being a twat?

I’m a grandparent there is no way I would behave in the way she did.

Not my child not my rules

No way would I be allowing this. If you don't totally put your foot down she'll take the piss with other things too.

cheadleosteopathy.co.uk/uncategorized/childhood-development-equipment-help-hinder/

Info about jumpers, baby walkers and child development. Scroll down.

I wouldn't be happy about that. Regardless of anyone else's opinion, if a parent says please don't use that/ do that/ give my child that, then no one should.
I would not let her look after my child again personally.

Downside of family babysitting for you I'm afraid. If you're paying someone to babysit you can lay down the rules and demand they're adhered to, when it's family and they're doing it for free/love/to help you out it's a lot more difficult and I've found you have to 'let things go' of course that is as long as your children aren't hurt/put at risk in any way.

Btw my DD LOVED her jumperoo and must've spent hours and hours in it, her hips are fine so please don't worry too much.

It's not like she was in it enough time to cause damage. It's like to much time in car seats can damage a babies back, we don't stop using them we're just more careful about time. Move into a pushchair when walking around instead of keeping newborn in car seat attached to buggy.

Is she you first OP?