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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be offended by this?

67 replies

DidIgetitwrong · 06/01/2018 00:07

Early 2017 my MIL was diagnosed coeliac. It's been really tough for her adjusting her entire life particularly as FIL has to have gluten in his diet for his own medical reasons.

MIL gets two christmas presents from us, one for me and DH and one from DD (whose 2). DH decided to make some shortbread from us, gluten free which I thought was really thoughtful.

I don't know much about coeliacs so decided to avoid MIL having a reaction or not being able to use her present from DD I'd get some nice toiletries which were gluten free (took a bit of research but I found them) and some nice candles with the letters on which spell out what DD calls MIL --would out me so can't say what she calls her-.

DD was very happy, helped me wrap it and on Christmas Day handed over the present. I was really pleased with myself. DD is PILs only grandchild so I like to show her how to buy thoughtful gifts as they spend a lot on DD buying her something nice that she will love.

Was telling a friend about it today and she said that I'd have made MIL feel stupid and inferior as I bought separate toiletries and I should of just got her some normal stuff and let her choose if she uses it or not. Apparently she'd have been both gutted and offended by the gift and would have returned the stuff unused to the shops or sent it to a charity shop.

I feel really gutted I may have offended my lovely MIL as that was not my intention she will know I chose the present from DD as she's too little to do so herself and I do all the shopping

So AIBU to have done this? And would you be offended if it was your DIL/DGD?

OP posts:
ClandestineAdulation · 06/01/2018 00:10

I didn’t realise that gluten free toiletries were a thing! But I would be to be touched that someone went to so much effort for me.

How did your MIL react?

AlwaysPondering · 06/01/2018 00:10

Your friend is an idiot imo but if you are worried mention it to your MIL.

ChipIn · 06/01/2018 00:10

I've no idea what could have been offensive about you considering her medical needs and buying a present appropriate to that. Not sure where your friend is coming from. What was her reaction when she opened it?

arethereanyleftatall · 06/01/2018 00:10

Yanbu.
No, of course I wouldn't offended if someone gave me such a thoughtful gift

ineedamoreadultieradult · 06/01/2018 00:10

Why would she be offended. Your present sounds lovely and thoughtful. Your friend is odd.

1stX · 06/01/2018 00:11

You don’t know she was offended. This friend is assuming on her behalf. Chill out

Neolara · 06/01/2018 00:12

Your friend is odd. I'm sure your mil would have appreciated your thoughtfulness.

StickThatInYourPipe · 06/01/2018 00:12

I have zero idea why anyone would be offended by that! We have a guy who is lactoseintolorent in the office (not sure if that’s how you spell it) and I always get him stuff from the free from section when I buy food for the office of bday/Xmas etc

ferociousindependentandsquishy · 06/01/2018 00:12

Ok so there are two bits to this.
One, I'm coeliac and it only refers to ingested gluten, skin products are safe (though some do avoid them, it's not necessary)
Two, you were very thoughtful and IMO that's so much better than random purchases that MIL might not use if she is a lady that avoids gluten in toiletries

Elsiejane · 06/01/2018 00:12

Honestly i think its your friend who is being unreasonable!! The thought that you put in is what counts and if it were me i would be extremely pleased and grateful.

Original poster
DidIgetitwrong · 06/01/2018 00:13

MIL was bit non reactive but that's how she is with all gifts until she has a proper chance to look at everything - she gets a lot of presents as she has a huge family.

She thanked my DH when she next rung him and gave DD a hug and said thanks when she saw her last week.

OP posts:
iamyourequal · 06/01/2018 00:14

Yanbu. I don't understand what your friend meant by 'stupid and inferior'. It sounds like a thoughtful gift to me.

StickThatInYourPipe · 06/01/2018 00:14

Sorry pressed too soon!

And he is always grateful for the thought! Don’t worry OP your mates a weirdo and I doubt you MIL would be anything other than happy with your thoughtful gift

coffeekittens · 06/01/2018 00:15

Your friend's being weird. What lovely and thoughtful gifts from your DD.

Leeds2 · 06/01/2018 00:16

I didn't know general toiletries were gluten or non gluten.
No doubt your MIL isn't quite so ignorant as me, and would be very grateful.
I think your friend is completely in the wrong on this.

Lalliella · 06/01/2018 00:30

Your friend is weird. She is making YOU feel stupid and inferior. But you shouldn’t. Guess who the stupid and inferior one in this scenario is? A clue - not you or DMIL.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2018 00:34

I’m baffled by your friends reaction. Strange.

gingergenius · 06/01/2018 00:35

Yep. Friend being odd not you

DramaAlpaca · 06/01/2018 00:37

Your gift sounds very thoughtful & caring. It's your friend's reaction that's strange.

Greensleeves · 06/01/2018 00:37

Is your friend usually a donkey? Lovely presents.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/01/2018 00:37

Your friend is a twat.

Your MIL may not be very responsive, but she will still have been grateful that you took the time and effort to find stuff that was gluten-free, it might even have given her ideas for buying more stuff later. And especially the food! There is nothing worse than being given gluten-laden "treats" when you are gluten-free -it's such a slap in the face if it's from people who KNOW you are gluten-free, and just a bit disappointing if they don't (not against them but because you can't eat the goodies!)

You did the right thing and please continue to do it for her - and maybe consider binning the friend off for trying to make you feel bad!!

SockUnicorn · 06/01/2018 00:43

@DidIgetitwrong I cant imagine being offended and would think it was very sweet the person had gone to effort. Your friend sounds passive aggressive and jealous.

AmysTiara · 06/01/2018 00:44

Your friend, for some odd reason, is being mean and wanting you to doubt yourself

ReallyConvolutedCareerHistory · 06/01/2018 00:45

I don't really understand the need for gluten-free toiletries (as they are not ingested) but you are so sweet to go the extra mile. Your friend is an idiot. Ignore her.

GinIsIn · 06/01/2018 00:47

Your friend is a twat. But unless your MIL is licking the soap, you can just buy normal toiletries - coeliacs don’t react topically.

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