DH messaging other woman

[fmlidkwtd]

Found out before Christmas that DH had been messaging another woman. Had it out with him and he promised there was nothing more to it, he would stop, he felt awful for making me feel bad etc etc. Have found out tonight he is still messaging her (surprise surprise). What should I do?

What sort of message? Is it sexual/flirty?

What is the general content of the messages? Do you have an agreement that you won't have friends of the opposite sex?

Once you may say ok no harm intended but, to be called on it and still message someone else is not on. For me it would be close to game over, do you have DC?

I'd leave him if I were you. He's lied to you. Once the trust is gone the relationship is doomed, I promise. Sorry to hear this, I've been here and it's shit. It gets better

Not sexual but overly affectionate on his part. He has many other female friends which I don't have a problem with, but this one feels different. We have s DD

Let’s not be all LTB yet! It depends what the messages were, who she is etc

My DH texts a couple of mums for DSC school for play dates etc (we have majority custody, so we do all that kind of thing), there’s one of them that I’m a bit about, but the others are no problem to me (you know how you get a feeling about some women )

Sorry! Cross-posted, yeah, that’s a bit shifty, does he need to text her? I.e. arrangements for kids? Work? Etc?

What sort of thing do you mean by “affectionate”? Does it look like he’s chasing her, and she’s rebuffing him?

I’d be pissed off

I’d be uneasy tbh

I would ask if he would be comfortable if it were the other way around. Have a calm chat about whether he really does want to be in the relationship. If he cut all contact would it cause any problems?

Overly affectionate in what way? It's a bit difficult to tell from this, because if he just put kisses on a text to a mate could be okay. If he was saying he loved her not on.

Aside from the messages, have they done anything else to raise your suspicions?

@Carbohol78 Awwww puts away pitchfork

I would not put up with this it would be a deal breaker for me as you had given him a chance to stop and told him it was hurtful to you and he did it again anyway. He is not respectful of your feelings.

Ha ha ha @etap, don’t worry, the “affectionate” bit has riled me!!!

Depends on the content of the email tbh
Hmm 4 replies in without you disclosing content of email and it’s LTB

They've met for coffee. The last message I saw said "love you".
He was secretive about it all before Christmas - when I asked him who he was messaging he said "a friend" when normally he would say who it was, and then he was going off to another room to message. He told her I thought he was having an affair so I went batshit at him. I think it's more from his side

That's shifty as fuck.

I'd be demanding full disclosure of all messages. What messenger is it? FB you can get them back even if deleted.

Alright now y’all can get the pitchforks out the Cupboard

Love you? Eh? That's as dodgy as can be.
I don't know what else there is but to tell him to get to fuck?

Trust your instincts. He's cheating already or has designs to. Don't be a fool or a doormat. Send him packing.

Love you?

Aside from the content- he promised to stop and then continued behind your back? He lied. And attempted deception. Why?

Sorry OP, that’s not “affectionate” that’s a fucking disgrace

Ultimatu

Posted

Ultimatum time

So much wrong with this. The love you text alone would have tipped me over the edge but he’s lying about it saying he’s stopped messaging her and he hasn’t. Which basically tells you that she means more to him than you do at this moment in time.

Was it “ha ha ha! I love you!” Like she had said something funny, or a serious “I love you”? Obviously both are out of order, but only one has an obvious sexual intent

I’m so mad and sad for you, this is what happened to me 😞