See title...Aibu to be disappointed

[dontwanttobeungrateful]

So in December my other half and I celebrate both our birthdays (v close together), we had Christmas and we got married...it is always the tradition amongst my friends and family that the bride and groom get each other a little thing to open on the morning of the wedding (along with a card).

For my birthday I got flowers sent to work (not a surprise as he does this for birthdays anniversaries etc)

For his birthday I got him the google version of Alexa (he Loves gadgets and electronics). We were apart for most of Dec so I hid it in the house early with a card for him to find.

For Christmas I got him a Hugo boss watch (so he had something nice to wear to the wedding) and I have only just opened up my gift from him now due to our long distance this month and he got me tea...it is a nice tea but still, TEA?!

Then for our wedding I made him a card, and gave him personalised cufflinks to wear on the morning. I had my sister deliver the gift to his door. I got nothing in return.

I am not a grabby person, I do not expect a lot of money to be spent but what I would like is a little thought? Or am I too thoughtful? Should I just stop with thinking about the perfect gifts for him? He clearly goes to the local shop for mine and puts no thought into it?

He is so so lovely...I am just sitting here feeling really deflated and a little tearful that my new husband wasn't excited enough to put a bit of thought into a few gifts for me...even just one? AIBU???

You need to discuss things like budgets if this bothers you.
He's not psychic.

He knew that I was putting effort in and he knew I was getting him something special for the wedding morning...so I def don't expect him to be psychic

It does seem a bit off then. I told dh I'd be getting him something. I bought him silver engraved cufflinks. So he got me perfect earrings. We'd been together 4 years by then though.
How long have you been a couple? Has this been an issue before?

I think that if people are swapping in effect surprise gifts with each other you have to go into it with low expectations.

You put masses of thought into yours and that's lovely, but could he ever have lived up to the expectation of what you wanted for each gift? You should have known with the flowers that the Christmas and wedding presents weren't going to be up to much if he does the same thing every year- so no thought is going into it.

With something this big and this significant to you it should've had a discussion beforehand about it, you literally left the decision with your partner who buys you flowers every year, so I don't know what you were expecting without a conversation beforehand

You’ve got different expectations regarding gifts and you need to be clearer about what you want.
Fwiw I’ve never heard of the bride and groom buying each other presents for the day of the wedding so I don’t think it’s weird he didn’t buy anything for this.
The tea present is bit rubbish though. Do you really like tea? Is he trying but completely missing the mark or just not trying?
My DH is rubbish at buying presents he bought his mum Full Metal Jacket on DVD for her birthday once because he’d really enjoyed it so thought she would love it (she didn’t).
I choose my own presents now. it’s a bit annoying because it would be nice to be surprised with a well chosen present I loved but he is great in most other ways so I just accept that some people are just rubbish at choosing gifts.

I've only ever known of wedding day presents on these god awful American rom-coms. Do you watch a lot of these?

Hmmm. I'm Irish and it's definitely a thing there.

Read “the 5 love languages” - fabulous book & great for a newly married couple! it could well be that your love languages are not the same (as is for most couples) the crux is that most people give love in the way they want to receive it, and this causes discord as it’s not the way that the other person best feels loved - It’s becoming aware of the other person’s language and what makes them feel loved- and then working with that- that helps in this situation. I’m perhaps not explaining it well. Have a look though, Could be something to consider!!

Yes, I'm afraid it's true. They are not psychic and it is v unromantic, but if thus is important to you, you must say so, loudly, clearly, with explicit examples of suitable presents.

Eventually I told my husband a shop I would always be happy to get a present from.

If you do this and he still screws up THEN be vvv cross and disappointed.

My dh bought me nothing for our wedding either btw. I bought him bespoke cufflinks is made from the inners of a vintage watch. V cool. Anyway. Not bitter. Have wine still married too!

You have to spell it out if that's what you're expecting.

Came to say read the love languages book but a PP beat me to it!

I used to have this problem with my DH too and was often left feeling like he didn't care. Found the book (well actually it was explained to us on a marriage preparation course we did) very enlightening.

I told him jewellery and which shop I liked most (links of London)...so I did drop hints!!

And I guess I find it weird that out of 3 gifts all I really have is tea? I wouldn't care if it was rubbish, even if some thought was there? I guess I need to lower my expectations...

And agree good communication re gifts and budgets is a good plan.

PossiblyPFB makes a good point I used to spend a lot of money on presents for DH but he genuinely isn’t that bothered about presents so I dong bother now. What he does love is to feel noticed and appreciated so if he goes the extra mile at home with the kids etc. I say thanks I saw how much the kids enjoyed that or wow the house looks great. It sounds patronising but honestly he values stuff like that more than gifts.

P.s. I still think nothing says I love you like cash but im a simple girl

Hints

Meh, you've only been married for a short time, give it a couple of years and you'll have loads of better stuff to be disappointed over!
My husband is terrible at gifts (engagement present was two piglets. Actual real oinking piglets!). I was quite thankful to get nothing when we married! He would give me the last breath in his body and that's plenty for me- although if he ever buys me livestock again I may well be claiming that last breath.

gamerwidow my DH is the of the same stock as yours- he feels so treasured if I take the bins out or walk the dogs so he doesn’t have to! He is a “do-er” and would do it all given a chance. He couldn’t care less about a thoughtfully chosen gift- so I now only buy him practical things that he really needs. Which he appreciates as they are practical and means he doesn’t have to shop!!

What happened to the piglets? Sorry for derail, but there's an unfinished story there ...

You are used to your family, who without even realising will have agreed protocols around presents. Your husband has a whole different set of protocols. So please don't take it the tea to heart.

My DH was thoughtless on our wedding day too and didn't give me anything. His best friend has given his bride lovely jewellery, and his brother sent a massive bouquet of red roses to his bride on the morning of the wedding, so it's not as if DH didn't know what was expected. He thanked everybody in his speech but failed to mention anything about me or whether he loved me etc. Twat. He has however been a brilliant husband and father for over 20 years (brother and best mate are divorced), he's just shit at giving gifts and making romantic gestures!

The piglets were delicious. They were huge porkers by the time they went though, because he got attached to them.

You need to google Love Languages.

Who asks for gifts?
I thought it was a choice to give a gift not a duty.
Maybe I was raised with low expectations I'll give because I like to not just to receive something back. Unless you clearly explained this tradition to your DH and why it was so meaningful to you OP I would think you were being slightly unreasonable