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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

See title...Aibu to be disappointed

69 replies

dontwanttobeungrateful · 05/01/2018 22:38

So in December my other half and I celebrate both our birthdays (v close together), we had Christmas and we got married...it is always the tradition amongst my friends and family that the bride and groom get each other a little thing to open on the morning of the wedding (along with a card).

For my birthday I got flowers sent to work (not a surprise as he does this for birthdays anniversaries etc)

For his birthday I got him the google version of Alexa (he Loves gadgets and electronics). We were apart for most of Dec so I hid it in the house early with a card for him to find.

For Christmas I got him a Hugo boss watch (so he had something nice to wear to the wedding) and I have only just opened up my gift from him now due to our long distance this month and he got me tea...it is a nice tea but still, TEA?!

Then for our wedding I made him a card, and gave him personalised cufflinks to wear on the morning. I had my sister deliver the gift to his door. I got nothing in return.

I am not a grabby person, I do not expect a lot of money to be spent but what I would like is a little thought? Or am I too thoughtful? Should I just stop with thinking about the perfect gifts for him? He clearly goes to the local shop for mine and puts no thought into it?

He is so so lovely...I am just sitting here feeling really deflated and a little tearful that my new husband wasn't excited enough to put a bit of thought into a few gifts for me...even just one? AIBU???

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/01/2018 23:39

Oh dear .. I thought Wilbur and Porky were intended as pets not dinner
:(

Llangollen · 05/01/2018 23:56

I know at least one girl who received a gift of jewelry on the morning of the wedding. I don't think she ever told him, but she thought it was a dreadful present: not wear the item was not option, it would have been cruel, but she already had chosen everything and her new gift did not work with the rest at all.

She thought it didn't matter that much, so she did wear the gift, but men can't win!

ItsNYlyme · 06/01/2018 00:00

Don'twantto, in my experience, men are usually absolutely hopeless at gift buying. I wouldn't expect too much in the years to come as I fear you will be endlessly disappointed.

Original poster
dontwanttobeungrateful · 06/01/2018 00:48

Thank you all...a good reality check, I need to get over myself!! And will step back from gifts in the future maybe...I should count myself lucky to have the guy I do...thoughtless when it comes to gifts is small as long as he is not thoughtless in other ways too...

OP posts:
gttia · 06/01/2018 01:25

My dh bought me a present and gave it to me on our wedding . I had bought him nothing Blush. This was nine weeks ago, I love what he gave me! Feel guilty there was nothing for him but I do a lot for him and love him very much which knows

Lucylululu · 06/01/2018 06:48

YABU

ChristmasCakes · 06/01/2018 07:04

What kind of tea is it? Unless it's Punjana YANBU Wink

Cantuccit · 06/01/2018 07:04

YANBU. I really would stop giving him gifts, or just match them to what he got.

Get him coffee for his birthday.

gamerpigeon · 06/01/2018 07:26

I made it super clear that I would like to exchange presents on our wedding day and he came up trumps with that, but I also wrote him a really heartfelt card and he felt awful that he hadn't got me one.

It definitely doesn't occur to my husband to do these things so if I don't want to be disappointed I have to suggest and keep on reminding him (he almost forgot to get me a Christmas present 'from' our 7 month old DD)

Original poster
dontwanttobeungrateful · 06/01/2018 07:42

I guess that's the thing...I did suggest and keep reminding. And it isn't about the expense of the gift, it is the thought. I told him last night that I was disappointed in the tea and now he is barely speaking to me...I feel really bad but I didn't know how to hide it...I genuinely thought I would have had something more meaningful than tea, especially when he ignored the tradition of a wedding gift that I explicitly told him about many many times...

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 06/01/2018 07:47

He is barely speaking to you? That's not a good sign.

He now wants you to make him feel better. I would ignore him, don't pander to his sulking by trying to get him to be 'normal' again.

Does he often sulk?

genever · 06/01/2018 07:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KayaG · 06/01/2018 08:01

Maybe it isn't a tradition in his family. I've never heard of it.

YABU.

Cantuccit · 06/01/2018 08:05

OP, if he sulks and minimises your concerns, I would post again in Relationships about that.

This thread is going to get overrun by people telling you YABU about presents. I think it's more than that for.

Original poster
dontwanttobeungrateful · 06/01/2018 08:23

Genever...I am not demanding gifts, it is a big tradition where I come from? And I told him this. Everyone at the wedding was asking excitedly what he got me and I had to say nothing. I really didn't mind because I was so happy to have him. But getting my late xmas present yesterday, opening it and seeing tea...I got a shock and was a little disappointed. When he asked and I pointed this out to him he has been quiet and distant from me and says it it because I made him feel bad. I'm sure I did but I have told him it doesn't matter, it is my thing to get past because where I am from...but now things are weird...I wish I had just pretended that everything was fine...and I'm not grabby, it is the thought or demonstration that he knows me...even a card would have meant a lot..

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2018 08:27

I’m genuinely really confused. What tradition of giving a gift to your new spouse when you get married?

I thought it was the gift of yourself to the other. And the hanky panky after/the next morning. And of course the something old/new/borrowed/blue. But you can sort that all yourself.

If he is loving in other ways, I’d take that. And tell him what you want next time.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2018 08:29

Cross post. Are you not british/Irish?

BeyondThePage · 06/01/2018 08:29

He would give me the last breath in his body and that's plenty for me

mine too - "stuff" doesn't matter.

Shumpalumpa · 06/01/2018 08:33

I know that some cultures (like the Indian sub-continent) do have a tradition of bride and groom exchanging gifts on the weding day or night.

In that culture, he would have known what was expected, so he could be seen as tight.

Bluedoglead · 06/01/2018 08:36

Why didn’t you just say “oh that’s not a thing where he’s from so he didnt do that”?

MotherCupboard · 06/01/2018 08:37

Well you could just suck it up, or you could tell your husband that you're disappointed. If you don't feel able to talk to him about this it doesnt bode well does it?

MotherCupboard · 06/01/2018 08:38

He's probably acting weird because he knows he hasnt put enough effort in.

Bluedoglead · 06/01/2018 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluedoglead · 06/01/2018 08:44

I shall report [blish]

Shumpalumpa · 06/01/2018 08:47

What did you say Blue? That was an extraordinarily quick deletion.

Maybe self-reported posts get automatically deleted?

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