See title...Aibu to be disappointed

[dontwanttobeungrateful]

So in December my other half and I celebrate both our birthdays (v close together), we had Christmas and we got married...it is always the tradition amongst my friends and family that the bride and groom get each other a little thing to open on the morning of the wedding (along with a card).

For my birthday I got flowers sent to work (not a surprise as he does this for birthdays anniversaries etc)

For his birthday I got him the google version of Alexa (he Loves gadgets and electronics). We were apart for most of Dec so I hid it in the house early with a card for him to find.

For Christmas I got him a Hugo boss watch (so he had something nice to wear to the wedding) and I have only just opened up my gift from him now due to our long distance this month and he got me tea...it is a nice tea but still, TEA?!

Then for our wedding I made him a card, and gave him personalised cufflinks to wear on the morning. I had my sister deliver the gift to his door. I got nothing in return.

I am not a grabby person, I do not expect a lot of money to be spent but what I would like is a little thought? Or am I too thoughtful? Should I just stop with thinking about the perfect gifts for him? He clearly goes to the local shop for mine and puts no thought into it?

He is so so lovely...I am just sitting here feeling really deflated and a little tearful that my new husband wasn't excited enough to put a bit of thought into a few gifts for me...even just one? AIBU???

Bluedog
Your post has made me giggle. Maybe this is where we married women are going wrong .

I’m so embarrassed. Totally the wrong thread.

I really want to know now

Shumpa
All the trolls are probably asleep so mnhq has little to do.
In a nutshell she was talking about a fuck buddy. Wrong thread.

I have thanked the very kind mnhq person who deleted it for me.

Yes, it was about a fuck buddy.

Sorry again to the op.

Haha, ok thanks. I'll head over to that thread

Bluedog...I missed it, so gutted!!!

I am affronted.

You're spending too much, he's spending too little. Match your gifts to his and don't put so much thought into them. I'm not saying that to play games, but he's clearly not into presents - my DH is the same - and you either drop your expectations or spend the rest of your life disappointed. It's a far simpler way of enjoying life, and my DH makes up for it in a million other ways so I'm OK with it. But my first few birthdays and christmasses with him were a bit .

DH responds well to being taken shopping and helping to choose jewellery, we make a nice day of it, have lunch and look at and try on shiny things. Would that work?

I'm lrish and never heard of a tradition of giving a gift on morning of wedding. I'm sure some do. As for people asking what he got you ..thats totally crass and smacks of the same mentality of putting all that stuff up on Facebook to make others envious.
But tea??? Thats very very bad. Has he got you decent presents down the years? That sounds like he is tyrning you into the little Irish wife making tea all day like Mrs Doyle in Fr Ted.

I must admit, the idea of extra presents between the bride and groom seems completely superfluous to me- also the idea of having to put so much thought into yet more gifting when there’s already so much going on.

I myself am a very random present giver and have no expectations regarding receiving presents myself; it’s just more stuff at the end of the day. Some of the nicest, and most Christmassy Christmases I ever had were spent with a family who didn’t do Christmas presents, and ime people who are very hung up on planning surprises and going to great lengths to buy the perfect gift and “make it special” etc are, at best, over invested in material things, and at worst, guilty (albeit unconsciously) of making it about themselves.

I guess that's the thing...I did suggest and keep reminding

You may as well have bought it, gave it to him and said 'give me this on our wedding day'

It's not really a gift if you have to do that though is it.

Also, sending flowers to work is a bit cheesy. I would be super embarrassed if that happened to me. That is more about the give than the receiver imho.

My husband is crap at presents, but I'm not really arsed as he does so much for me and dd, spends whole weekends sometimes doing diy to make our home look lovely for instance. That is worth so much more than a necklace I have told him to get me.

"You're spending too much, he's spending too little."

I don't think that presents necessarily have to be of equal value to be thoughtful.

If Op knows what sort of things her husband likes, why doesn't he know what she likes?

If he doesn't know, why doesn't he ask?

If she told him that the wedding day gift was important to her-why couldn't he bother for that one occasion?

If he always sends flowers for birthday though, I guess you knew that was what you would be getting?

What does he usually get you for Christmas?

Problem when people have different expectations is often that the one who doesn't bother ends up with a great present, & the one who bothers end up pwith shit.

So really Op, if he's not bothered, buy him token gifts.

"Should I just stop with thinking about the perfect gifts for him? He clearly goes to the local shop for mine and puts no thought into it?"

In short, yes. If you're looking for him to put the same amount of thought and effort into choosing gifts for you as you do for him, you'll be waiting for a very long time. If you're happy to make the effort anyway, knowing that it will not be reciprocated, that's up to you.

The sulking sounds far worse than any present. It's immature and quite manipulative; aiming to make you feel guilty

You've just got married, you should be in a newly wed bubble and able to speak to each other honestly without one of you going in a huff.

Maybe the tea was thoughtful? In that you love tea (?) and it was an expensive collection from teas around the world or something presented in a beautiful caddy.
Still no excuse for the sulking though!

He's feeling bad because he should feel bad.

Did you actually know him before? It it an arranged marriage?