Live in a big house with nice garden but no community, or move to a small house with no garden in better community. Or am I missing something?

[BrightonMum36]

I know I'm missing something and just looking for your experiences and advice. I currently own and live alone (well with one small child) in a lovely and big house with a big sunny garden on the fringes of Brighton. I absolutely love the house, not because it's big but because it has a lovely feel (light, airy and homely) and I adore the big sunny garden. I've a driveway and a front garden blah blah. (The house was a bargain I'm still unsure how I ended up with this place it was a fluke that I bought it as I don't have that much money at all) .
But I live in such a boring and unsociable village and street. I have to drive to go and see friends and I just feel a bit bored, lonely and isolated.
However the areas around and in my city (brighton) which seem more community based all seem to involve houses that are tiny, cramped and dark with tiny patios and terrible parking, so I feel I would be unhappy there too. (Those houses are worth roughly the same if not more than mine, this isn't a snobbery thing if it's coming across as such)
I yearn to live in a fun, vibrant community but the pay off seems to be living in a house I don't like. Or is it? What am I missing?
Friendly advice please and no bashings!

you’re not missing anything, most choices involve compromise. You have to decide what is most important to you.

There’s a lot to be said for living in a house you love in an ok place. I moved a year ago to live in a fab village where my children all have friends etc, I’m no longer in the car all the time but I have a teeny garden and will move to a cheaper area as soon as they are all independent so I can have veggies and chickens again.

You aren’t missing anything I don’t think. That’s the choice most people have to make isn’t it? Location vs house. “If I could just pick up my perfect house and put it a bit nearer...”. You can’t sadly! A good location costs more, so you will be able to afford less.

Fwiw, we live in a bigger house (still tiny) in Home Counties as we can’t afford much in London. I think we’re about as near London as we can afford while still having good schools, safe area and a garden. It’s not my first choice, but this is what we can afford.

Stay where you are. A vibrant community is likely to change when people move or get older and their priorities change. Your house sounds lovely. Worth its weight in gold.

Well, I live in Brighton in one of the tiny houses you are talking about - are you in woodingdean or bevendean or similar? The community I am in is quite good but a lot of it is via a Facebook group (you’ll know what I mean if you are local-ish as it’s infamous!!) - the houses are frustratingly small and claustrophobic though and we would love to move esp as we rent! What about school catchment areas? That will become important depending where you live esp in Brighton!

Is your child at school yet? What are the schools like near you? I bet there are other like minded people around who are parents.

Your house sounds utterly lovely. I'd stay there.

Can you invite friends to your house more often? Start a village book group or similar?

Happy veggie yes it's woodingdean! It's notoriously unfriendly I'm sure you know this!!
My child is in year one in the local school which has definitely improved my social life but not by much, people still keep "themselves to themselves" I find. Yawn.
I'm envious of the Hannover community but not the houses.

I moved from a London 11th floor block to beautiful house with a rural Swedish village. In London I knew my neighbours, I still see 3 different sets on visit home. I knew my postman's name. I would shop for the elderly lady opposite.

I have no friends in this village. They are not even neighbourly. People won't even say hello, I've heard it said that I am weird. 'For smiling and saying hello' I invited 7 different households to a bonfire night, food, drink, bonfire, fireworks only one couple turned up. Not even the houses with small kids. We were thibki g of trying again with Christmas drinks but my DH (Swedish) said whats the point if no one turns up. Trade your big house for a welcoming, fun community.

I do invite people. They come, for a couple of hours then leave, and I have a whole evening yawning ahead of me.
I'm assuming people with friendly neighbours all help each other, can stay longer and drink together etc...? Do people even do that anymore??

I live near Brighton (down the coast a bit), but my best friend used to live in central B’ton. Unless you’ve got ££££££s it’s not the kind of place that you can have your cake and eat it. Like you say, parking is a nightmare as is space for gardens etc.

Do you need to stay in Brighton?

I would stay where you are. I also personally think it possible that you're romanticising the idea of community a little.

@Brightonmum36 would you want to move schools? Is your child in woodingdean primary or rudyard Kipling? I get what you are saying totally but it is often all complaints about students, dog shit and parking on the Hanover forum

KC225 I think you might live in my old Swedish village. We eventually moved a few miles up the road and it's like we moved to another country. Within a week all of our neighbours had introduced themselves and all were surprised at how long we lasted in the other village. Some were escapees like us.

KC22 I'll come to your bonfire night that sounds amazing!!
My neighbourhood is nowhere near as bad as that, people are friendly enough, but there's no community feel and it's not very much fun or neighbourly..

And @brightonmum36 it’s definitely not all community spirit around here in the way you are describing!! We barely go to the local pubs!! Or know many people on our street!!

Happy veggie I don't especially want to move schools no, she's at woodingdean primary and it's lovely. I don't see how moving her would change my situation - or am I missing something again?? (Probably)

I think OP that most people are busy with friends, family, jobs etc and don't have the time to spend endless evenings in and out of neighbours houses. Even when I lived in a tight knit valley community it was only ever in passing people would chat as everyone was busy. Perhaps the odd street party / bbq, maybe every couple of months, but that's hardly worth swapping a lovely big house for.

Sandunes I could move out a bit but not too far due to family support. Where were you thinking?

I would say big house and garden - you might get unlucky with the particular neighbors and also that vibrancy might be quite hard to enter as a newbie.

We live in what I’d call a friendly community. However everyone has their own lives/families/hobbies/commitment. There isn’t much time left for socialising with neighbours.

@brightonmum36 you must literally be about a mile up the road from me!!! Woodingdean primary is lovely- it’s genuinely not all fun & community down here!!

Happy veggie I take it you're rottingdean? I heard that's got a great community!!

Stay in your lovely house! You could spend a fortune moving to a small house only to discover the community isn’t as friendly as you thought! I live in a small town with lovely people but they don’t come in for drinks etc! Actually some of them are a bit clique and small town minded which i don’t want to be overly involved with. Everyone is busy with their own families/lives too, like putting their kids to bed early and watching tv etc. Find a hobby and invite friends over to your current house. It would be a massive risk.

I live the other side of Brighton along the coast in West Sussex but know both Brighton and Woodingdean.
I want to know what community you think you are missing out on from Brighton? Ok it is bigger with more people but I have never felt a great community spirit there. There is a lot going on but tends to be focused around particular interests or youth culture studrnts and the like.
Woodingdean is lovely and you say your neighbours are friendly. You are probably feeling a bit isolated as you are on your own they come for a couple of hours and then go home as I assume they have husbands and children to get back to.