Was I unreasonable to let my partner ring in sick for me? I have hardly any voice left

[curlysue1]

I was sick for most of December and so was our 1 year old. I had 1 week off (part time I work 3 days) but they let me take it as holiday early in December. I worked through the rest of it.

On Wednesday I went home an hour early as I was a walking hot mess, my whole body ached and burned. By the time I got home I was really poorly and I stayed in bed for the rest of the night.

Yesterday I still felt bad but I also had a terrible cough and sore throat and my tongue was covered in ulcers. I rang in sick and the store manager said it was fine.

Today I wake up and I feel like my throat is closing up, cough is horrible and again tongue is still covered in ulcers. I feel very achey and light headed. I would be absolutely no good at work at all. I work in retail.
I got my partner to ring in because it hurts to talk and when I do it’s croaky whisper which hurts. (I have no issue with ringing in at all usually, but today it really is uncomfortable and painful to talk)

A different manager demands that I ring in, partner tries to explain the reason I can’t but this manager is quite rude and Demands I ring in.

I now feel incredibly nervous and bad that I’m not at work. I feel genuinely not good enough or up to go stand and serve customers for 10 hours and lead a team doing so.

Am I being unreasonable not to ring back? They know I’m not going in. They know why I’m not going in. I’m lay in bed worrying. My partners mum is helping with the baby today as my partner has now gone to Work himself. So I finally get time to rest.

I’m not being a wet lettuce I promise. If it was any thing less I would go in to work but I can’t face talking to hundreds of people when I feel my tongue is the size of a whale and I’m as germ ridden as a rubbish tip.

@curlysue1

What a stupid cunt. (The manager not you or your DH!)

It's shit like this that makes people not want to go out to work. I have worked for many a cunt. I posted on a thread yesterday about a boss that gave me a warning because I got into an argument with him because he chastised me for leaving a course an hour early, (that he had organised.)

I did it because the course leader said I could go early as I lived 3 hours away, and everyone else there lived 30 to 60 minutes away. It was only on one of the 5 days, the Friday, and the course leader was just being nice, and doing me a favour.

I have also had the same problem as you in the past; managers INSISTING I ring in myself. Why do they do this? Is it coz they want to make sure you are actually there, and haven't gone off on an expedition to the Antarctic, or the fucking moon?!

Seriously, what IS the point of it? If you were 'skiving' and weren't really ill, you could/would still ring in FFS! Jus coz you got DH to ring in makes no difference to anything. You are still not going in, even if you ring in yourself!

My DH reckons it's so they can try and interrogate you and quiz you, and bug you and bully you, and make you feel bad, so you come in.

This happened to a friend of mine who had flu. She was so ill and her DH rang in for her. Her boss insisted she rang in herself, and bullied her into coming in with guilt trips, and passive aggressive underhand threats... My friend collapsed at work, and broke her wrist, and also 2 ribs.

She ended up being written off on the sick by the doctor, for 6 weeks.. on full pay. That taught her cunt of a manager. The manager also had a LOT of explaining to do when my friend's husband put in an official (written) complaint to her superiors.

She was always nice to my friend after that. Funny that!

Glad you got it all sorted... If I were you, I would start looking for another place to work. This manager is a cunt. A cunt of the highest order. And this will probably happen again.

Get well soon.

(And ignore futurefairy it's probably your boss! Horrible bosses who bitch about people being off work, are often caught on the internet - at work - fucking about on facebook and twitter, playing internet games, and even posting nasty shit on mumsnet!)

Just phone in and then she will be able to hear for herself just how sick you really are. You might even be able to make her feel guilty (although probably not!). Hope that you feel better again soon.

It wasn't at all BU to let your partner do this. However I feel that one of the 'things' about being a proper grown-up is to ring in sick yourself. When I was in this position I rang in croakily and then my dear neighbour took over to continue saying what I would have said had I been able to do so. The boss understood that I really was ill and wasn't swinging the lead. Barely being able to speak does provide proof (if it were needed) that you really are ill. Get well soon.

Ring in ASAP. Your manager is right, it is required of you as the employee to let them know yourself and she has responsibility for authorising the absence which she can only do if she has spoken to you herself. You will also need to ring in on any subsequent days you take off sick. She is just following form, it’s not personal.

If she is not your manager then why or how is she demanding you call in? If you physically cannot talk then it's completely unreasonable to expect you to call, does she want to hear silence?

Sickness is a huge problem for business and there are repeat offenders who have no shame. The idea of you yourself ringing is to dissuade you from throwing a sickie. If you're capable of talking then it's not unreasonable to expect at least a phone call especially given you're probably still going to collect a days money.

@froginapond Wow, you sound quite angry and frustrated about your work life? Maybe you need a new job? Also, I find that when you overuse 'cunt' it tends to lessen the impact.

@curlysue1 Well done for calling, now you can concentrate on getting better. Stay warm, and dose yourself up with cold & flu remedies, hope it passes soon. Oh, and no, of course I'm not a fairy...^^ they don't actually exist.

Where I work we have a policy of the employee has to ring in themselves which gets on people's nerves especially if they are not feeling great and I have had staff members complain about it. When the complain I remind them of one of our employees whose boyfriend had been ringing in sick for her as she was too ill. It turned out he had murdered her and buried her in the woods. If it hadn't been for a manager being insistent that they spoke to her no-one would have known for weeks. It's a 2 min call - annoys you at the time but it's a duty of care.

You always get one bitch/bully in the department. Glad you got sorted and I hope you feel better soon.

I had similar when I was off with laryngitis and could hardly make a sound. I called in but after a lot of "what? Sorry I can't hear you" from the manager my husband took over the call. They just want to know you are there and not on holiday or such like. It doesn't sound like you can't talk just that it is painful to do so. Just call them then it is done.

I just kind of hope the only person who gets what you have is the mean manager.

Take care of yourself. And if you get really unwell do phone NHS 111. Your symptoms sound a bit like Aussie Flu, and that can be nasty.

When I was on the phone my manager told me not to worry about the other manager. She was very lovely in all.----
I love my job and the place I work but as a PP said there’s always a few people that aren’t that nice.

My manager is second down to the store manager and much more senior than the other manager who my partner spoke to. There are various managers for different departments. I work on a large department as a team leader.

Yes other manager was only doing things by the book but not a lot gets done by the book where I work and it’s all very relaxed.

All sorted for now anyway and I’m not in until late next week.

Partners mum has given me my daughter back as she’s not well feeling well now so I’ve just gotta get on with it and not dwell on this morning.
I can’t wait for my partner to come home!

I have no idea why that all has lines through! Sorry.

Now you can relax. I used to hate ringing in when I worked, so much that I used to dream that I had already called in and wake up thinking I'd done it! Check my recent calls and nothing there It was such a relief to get it over with and get back under the covers. I think they lay on so much guilt and people assume you're pulling a sickie, so you end up feeling like a fraud ringing in even when genuine.

Every place I have ever worked has had the "ring in yourself" policy, unless you are sufficiently seriously ill like unconsciousness or under going surgery at the time the business opens. Some have expressly stated that leaving a voicemail is not enough and you should continue to ring until you have spoken with a manager. I have never experienced any other way of working and I can't at all see how it is "unrealistic" or unworkable as someone said up thread. The vast majority of unexpected days off are not in fact due to sudden comas. It does two things. It sets a certain very small obstacle in the way of employees declaring uncertified sick leave. And it allows the business certainty in its relationship with the employee. If later we need to discipline someone who abuses sick leave policy, then a record of direct conversations between employee and manager stands up a lot better in an employment tribunal than a secondhand conversation involving a spouse or friend.

You are genuinely sick, you are entitled to sick leave but you need to follow the (very easy) steps to ensure this is requested and granted correctly.

I have nearly always got someone to phone in for me and it has never been a problem at my workplaces.
When I was living with parents they did not have a landline (1970/80s) so my dad would phone from the local telephone box which I would not have been fit enough to walk to.
DH has phoned for me since married - never a problem and my previous employer accepted texts! Better they know you are not coming in sooner (even before business opens) than wait for you to jump through numerous hoops - at the end of the day you are not coming to work regardless of how they are notified!
Why do employers make it so difficult for people nowadays?

I don't think anyone has ever phoned into work for me when I have been sick as an adult. Often I have set the alarm, taken all my medicines and then made a huge effort to make the phone call, but it has never occured to me to get someone to do it for me. To me, it is part of being an autonomous adult.

@sonjadog

Congratulations you are obviously a much better class of human that I am?

It’s my opinion. Hence the words «To me» at the start of the sentence. Don’t make a comment on a talkboard all about you.

Why do employers make it so difficult for people nowadays?

Asking that the employee personally phones in to say they are sick is not making things difficult. Yes its annoying when you just want to rest and recover but other than an illness that physically stops you talking there is no reason you can't call personally.

Most employers will be a little flexible if it is a case where the employee physically can't speak and so need someone to speak for them as a practical reason but otherwise there is no reason you can't phone in person.

I work in retail and if I am sick the policy is that I have to phone the store and inform the store manager that I am sick so that it can be recorded as an absence, they then pass it on to the department. In practice, most colleagues informally contact their department manager first - usually by text/FB message - just so that they are aware and can get cover asap when they come into work, but even if your DM is informed you are still expected to call the SM for it to be officially recorded. If you don't tell the SM (even if your DM is fully aware of your absence) then you can be subject to disciplinary action.

I don't understand what all the fuss is about - you're ill and you need to tell your work, so you make a phone call and job done. Why all the angst? Like some previous posters, I've worked in many companies with the same requirement (in fact, I thought this was standard HR practice) and I genuinely don't understand why someone with a cold can't phone in for themselves, even if they are croaky - after all, won't that support their claim to be ill?

We absolutely have to call in ourselves. Just do it yourself in future and save yourself all the worry and angst

In my past few jobs I have been able to just email but that’s an office.

If you really can’t speak and need to phone in work what else can you apart from ask someone to call for you? I had tonsillitis and couldn’t speak at all!