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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what you would think...

77 replies

BabyBrain2018 · 05/01/2018 00:15

If you saw a woman who had just had a baby a few weeks ago out drinking with her friends on social media?

FYI - this isn't me judging anyone. I'm just curious as this is a topic that sparked a debate between a few friends. I'm more on the "meh, let them do what they want" side but know others to judge more harshly. Am interested in others opinions!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 05/01/2018 00:16

I'd wonder how she'd managed to shower and get out.

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2018 00:19

It's a bit of a strange question OP

Why would anyone think anything other than 'There's my friend having a drink'? Confused

Are you sure you're not judging her?

You certainly seem to be inviting people to do so?

Poshindevon · 05/01/2018 00:21

I can understand a new mother letting loose and enjoying herself but not happy about the drinking.
I also hope this mother has decent support from the person caring for her child.
Putting it out there on social media is also asking for criticism.

teaiseverything · 05/01/2018 00:21

I'd think:

'Good on her, she must be gagging on a drink'

zzzzz · 05/01/2018 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IrkThePurist · 05/01/2018 00:23

Is she smoking as well as drinking? Snorting coke? Then driving home? With her baby in the car seat left precariously on the roof!?!

I'd probably say something.

Duckyneedsaclean · 05/01/2018 00:24

I'd think "that's nice".

Altwoo · 05/01/2018 00:24

I’m astonished anyone would have a thought about it. I wouldn’t think any different to any of my friends having fun, surely?

WeeCheekyBird · 05/01/2018 00:24

I went out with my sister when my baby was 5 weeks old. Just had a few and baby was ff (due to being unable to bf) so my husband was more than capable of looking after her for a few hours.

It had been a long time since I had been out and I had a few drinks and a lovely time.

I don't see a problem with it and it was good to feel normal again.

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2018 00:25

Poshindevon why aren't you happy about the drinking and why do you think such a normal photo invites criticism?

Fuck me, if this was the father 'wetting the baby's head', would it even have registered with anyone?

Let alone caused the OP to start a thread about it?

Rhynswynd · 05/01/2018 00:26

Nobodies business. It's a few weeks after. She has probably recovered from the birth and may not be breastfeeding. As such no real barrier to get leaving the house and letting her hair down. Assuming she is Doing drugs says more about pp than the lady in question. I have birth yesterday and will be having a drink this weekend. I may even post a photo of a well earned g&t and if anyone has a problem with it...it is their problem not mine.

AssassinatedBeauty · 05/01/2018 00:39

I just wonder how women in that situation can cope with the lochia, leaky boobs, c section wound etc etc, and conclude that they are probably younger and fitter than me. I don't really know what else I'd think - it wouldn't be what I'd want to do but there's no reason why anyone else should want the same things as me!

Is the judgement from your friends that women should only be interested in the baby and staying at home?

ChrisPrattsFace · 05/01/2018 00:45

THE same as If I seen a dad out five weeks after his babies birth.
Also impressed they managed to get out, my family’s members who are parents genuinely could not be bothered at that stage Grin

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 05/01/2018 00:49

I’d think, “Christ, I’d kill for a support network like that. Imagine having enough people around to not just look after your baby for the night, but make sure you’re actually well rested enough to go out and have fun. All that time to even get showered and dressed.” I haven’t had a night off in almost 5 years. We have no support network.

I’d also wonder if she’s missing her baby (because I’d have missed mine too desperately to be away for long). For all we know though she’s popped to a bar two doors down for a special occasion to have a squash in between feeds, expecting a text any minute to say, “please come home and breastfeed the baby again”.

deadringer · 05/01/2018 00:51

I wouldn't think anything of it. I went to the afters of a wedding when my first baby was 2 weeks old. I don't think I drank much but I remember I was delighted to get out for a bit.

poppythetroll · 05/01/2018 00:52

I had my DS on the Monday and went out to a concert 5 days later on the Saturday night. Ok I wasn't drinking (one glass of prosecco) and I was with family members, but if you saw me on social media you wouldn't know I wasn't drinking as the picture my sister uploaded was me with a glass in my hand! It never occurred to me that anyone would think "anything". DS (along with our young DD) was at home being looked after by their very capable father. I don't see how can "judge" anything from a picture, I know people do, but either like it, comment or move on, so much negativity and judging goes on in the world today when did people stop being, well, nice!!!

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2018 00:56

You don't need a 'support network' to pop out for a few drinks.

You just need someone to mind the baby for a few hours

In many cases that will obviously be the other parent.

TheDowagerCuntess · 05/01/2018 00:57

I'd think it was appalling.

Only non-mothers can go out and have fun. Mothers have no business doing anything except tending to their child's every need until they leave home.

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2018 00:59

For all we know though she’s popped to a bar two doors down for a special occasion to have a squash in between feeds, expecting a text any minute to say, “please come home and breastfeed the baby again”.

Yeah or perhaps she's bottle feeding and has gone to the other side of town to drink as much alcohol as she wants, and isn't expecting the baby's father to text her at all unless there's a problem?

Itsthattimeagain · 05/01/2018 01:00

I fucking hate the judgy-ness around new mothers going out, there was another thread maybe last night on the same topic.

I went out 10 days after my c section and got absolutely wankered.

I'm grateful I felt well enough to do so as I had a well needed blow out.

BrokenHollandaise · 05/01/2018 01:03

My first proper night out was when dd was 4 weeks old. I couldn't give a fuck what people thought.

Lj8893 · 05/01/2018 01:03

I went out 3 weeks after having dd. It was my mils birthday party, my dm looked after dd from 8-12. She was mix fed so I bf before I went out, and then ff the rest of the night. I didn't get drunk but I certainly had a few drinks and let loose!

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2018 01:04

Interesting that the OP doesn't give much of a fuck either, considering they haven't returned to the thread...

horatioisabrick · 05/01/2018 01:38

Idk... nothing?

If I had to think about it...

‘oh, I’m glad she’s doing this well. I hope she’s having a great time!’

Too many new parents (primarily mothers) have MH issues. Social contact and some ‘down time’ are especially important during difficult times. pregnancy and parenthood can unfortunately be alienating / contribute to loneliness...

Her being out probably also means that she’s in good physical health / that she isn’t suffering from health issues related to the pregnancy or birth. also a great thing.
And that she has a support system. Yet again, awesome!

catladyinthemaking · 05/01/2018 01:46

Tbh if it wasn’t someone I’m close with or saw with baby on a daily basis I’d probably already have forgotten they’d had one by that point Blush

If I did remember I’d most likely just think they probably deserve a good night out.

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