To wonder what you would think...

[BabyBrain2018]

If you saw a woman who had just had a baby a few weeks ago out drinking with her friends on social media?

FYI - this isn't me judging anyone. I'm just curious as this is a topic that sparked a debate between a few friends. I'm more on the "meh, let them do what they want" side but know others to judge more harshly. Am interested in others opinions!

What would your friends think if it was the baby’s father out having a drink?
How dare women go out once they have a child. She should be attached to that child for the next 18 years. Maybe she should take the baby with her actually. Would they approve of that more?

As someone who doesnt enjoy alcohol at all i don't understand anyone being "gagging" for a drink. It does raise an eyebrow when pregnant friends on my facebook post complaining how they cant go out/drink because theyre pregnant, it's hardly some huge sacrifice to not drink something that is literally poison for the sake of the health of a growing fetus yet they make it out to be a large inconvenience. I'd also wonder how she could be enjoying herself that soon after birth given the after effects, and also having seen the friends i have with kids, how she could bear to be way from the baby.

I would think how wonderful that someone who has gone through such an amazing experience has the support to enable them to celebrate like this. I wish I hadn't had such horrendous labour and nearly died afterwards of infection, and had to wait 2 months for my first celebratory drink. Which, by the way, didn't make me love dd any less, or make her hate me.

I’d think that somewhere someone would be sharpening the knives.
Groan

I’d probably think ‘I wonder where she got that top from’.

I wouldn't even think about it. There's nothing wrong with still having a life while having kids. Women don't need to be permanently strapped to their babies.

FYI - this isn't me judging anyone

Of course it is.

What would I think? Nothing. Didn't realise it was any of my business.

After 9 months of pregnancy, I'd think she deserves a night out and I'd hope she's having a bloody good time.

However I've never understood why dads get to 'wet the baby's head' when it's the mum who hasn't had a drink in months!

I don’t think I’d think anything. People go out, they post pictures of a night out. Sometimes I ‘like’ photos. Everyone is allowed time out, even new mums!

I would think good on her, hope she's having a good time!

My MIL practically pushed me out of the door two weeks after I had ds. She wanted me to have a night out, as she thought it was really important for my well-being, that I had one night to let my hair down with my friends.

I went on a weekend away 4 weeks after giving birth. It was my hen do. DH2B was perfectly capable and photos did end up on Facebook. If anyone judged more fool them for not knowing the planning that went into the weekend off.

I don't get this need to judge others based on a few photos. If there was a genuine concern for safe, ok. But a new mum getting a chance to go out presumably with someone responsible looking after the baby? MYOB!

@ poshindevon why would you not be happy with the drinking?

@wasjust why would you assume she was breastfeeding?*

@almost if, as you say in your first sentence you don’t drink and don’t undesrstand it why did you continue to write a load of judgemental nonsense about other people’s choices.

I would be surprised by any judgement for someone being out a few weeks after having a baby. It says so much more about the judges than the parent in this case.

Babies have dad’s. We as a society are supposed to be encouraging them to have close and meaningful bonds with their children, they are supposed to want this too. Every bit of research on the topic ever, has said this is really important, yet if a dad is left alone with the baby for more than 10 minutes before they are 12 then look at the judgement and assumptions! I’m a not a better parent than my fantastic partner and it’s insulting to dads to assume that they would make a worse job of parenting than a mum would. *

Woman who are isolated and loose their social contact after having a baby, especially after a difficult labour are I’m sure more likely to experience bouts of depression, isolation and pnd. We are supposed to want to have connections with our friends and the people we care about alongside our new role as mothers. When I think of friends of mine who had PND, the levels of anxiety they had around leaving the baby with anyone combined with the isolation they felt in those first 3 months was awful. Perhaps if it had felt easier to just step out for a bit in the beginning it might have helped.......not if they had encountered some of the attitudes her though I imagine!

• for the record, given many people will have read this and made assumptions about me I exclusively bf until 6 months then combi fed.
  ** I did not go out for a drink while my baby was little due to stiches from a complicated labour and the baby having silent reflux so no sleep for anyone! I would absolutely have gone out for a drink if I had had the energy as would my partner!

So men can wet the baby's head but the woman that has spent 9 months carrying the child then going through labour finally lets her hair down and people get to judge...
I'd probably buy her a drink if I knew her

I genuinely wouldn’t give it a second thought other than maybe wondering where she got the energy from!

DH and I are big rugby fans. our DS was in the (quiet and non-smoking) local pub with his dad 4 days after he was born because it was a Heineken Cup weekend. I was home alseep.

I didn't go out when DS was born because I was not physically up to it so DH took him out instead.

Judge away...

I'm due in six weeks.
Once I feel up to it, this will be me. I've had a horrible pregnancy, which obviously I've done all by myself as every woman does, so once it's out, the father will be taking over and I will be able to breathe, walk and eat/drink what I like and I intend to make the most of it.
So, no, I would have no feelings either way. Pregnancy is a long, hard road for some. And as long as the baby is cared for, what does it matter?!

I have fantasies of going to a cinema with a bar, getting a bottle of wine, and some nachos, popcorn and ice cream, and then watching an entire film without needing to wee every twenty minutes.
In fact, that's what I intend to do.

A close friend of mine had her baby recently and has agreed to come out with me for a drink a few weeks after the birth for my birthday. A group of friends of mine at work have expressed negative thoughts on the topic (a very opinionated bunch of women I must add). They all came across very down on the woman wanting a drink which is what had me wondering. I didn't even give it a second thought and was so pleased I could spend some one on one time with her having a well deserved drink after not having a drink with her for 10 months. It angered and upset me so I was just curious as to others opinions and am glad that not everyone thinks the same way as my colleagues!

@Pengggwn no. Not the same poster. Just name changed so I don't out myself but thanks for the comment

Im too clingy to be rational.
My 5 and a half month old has only left my side for a few 30 minute intervals.
All of which he has been left with DH.
I've actually had both grandparents dying to babysit, but I'm not ready yet.
Also me and my DH have never been drinkers or part goers. We go to sleep at 8pm.
I know I totally go against the grain, and people will probably bash me for it, but I'm at bit when I see the pictures, but I feel exactly the same way about the dad's. It's not a mom thing, it's a parent thing to me.
But again, I reiterate that I am a clingy mom and have been told off by family because of it.

Oh, but I think it in my head and then move on. I would never say it to the person or bitch about it in a group if friends.
Everyone is different and everyone's decision is their own.

is she bringing the baby with her?

she is coming out specifically for your birthday. they should give her a break.

I’d be impressed and a bit

Things like this actually kind of upset me.

We can go one and on about sexism and the expectations being heaped on women in regards to motherhood etc. But it’s so often other women being each other’s sharpest critics.

It’s one night. For a friend’s birthday... would I be a bit judgemental if she uploaded new ‘party’ / bender photos every weekend? Yes. But I’d judge any parent (male or female) - and especially those with small children - for doing this.