To think hotels and restaurant meals are not suitable for DC?

[FirstTimeLucky]

Me, DH and our two DC, aged 5 and 3, are being forced to stay in a hotel for two nights with MIL, FIL and SIL for FIL’s milestone birthday. We are staying in a family room which MIL has booked. I have no desire to take all the chaos of Home and put us all in one room. On top of this, they have booked a 6.30pm meal for us all in the hotel restaurant. AIBU to think this is totally unsuitable for a 5 and 3 year old?? And then what will we do? Sit in the dark in our family room while they go to sleep? We’ve never stayed in a hotel with DC before. Added to this, neither DC are great sleepers and so will inevitably be difficult to get to sleep and up early. AIBU to really not want to go, or should we just suck it up for FIL’s bday?

That's what I mean primal, being out and about becomes the routine.

I'm also not entirely convinced that any (healthy, nt etc) baby is born that just wouldn't cope without a strict routine. Every family I've known/ met where such rigidity just wouldn't be practical can't all just be lucky to have dc that don't need a very strict routine. I'm thinking lone parents, those with large age gaps, families where another's disability makes it impossible, and so on. Whereas those that do all seem to be two parent families (or at least single with excellent support) with dc close in age, and a lifestyle/ work which allow a very strict routine to be workable. Seems a bit coincidental imho.

Again, I can see it being a problem if you start with a fixed routine and suddenly introduce change, and if the parents just prefer doing it that way then again, it's their choice. It just isn't a choice I could, or would have taken.

OP I get why you're not keen. It really does depend on the child. I have one three year old who sleeps ok in a room on her own with no light and no noise, but will not ever ever ever fall asleep in a room with someone else in it. She's been like this since birth (barely slept a wink till we tried her in her own room at 3 months for naps). We have given up trying. In these circumstances she would be awake all night - literally - and might manage a couple of hours on the second night out of exhaustion.

She is also a total feral nightmare when overtired, usually goes to bed at 7pm and does not (and will not) nap. So a table booking for 6:30 that might mean actually getting food at 7:30 would be stressful and not a lot of fun for anyone.

There is not a lot we can do about this. We always said we'd still go out for dinner in the evenings blah blah but we have tried and it's just not worth its We do go away but we rent a whole house/apartment so we can put her to bed and stay in another room for the evening rather than sitting in darkness/silence. And if we go to a restaurant we go for lunch, not dinner. I would defy anyone to have my particular child in the OP's circumstances and not dread it. But I have friends with children who would be fine.

YABU about restaurant food though. Kids don't have to only eat potato faces and fish fingers.

Thehogfather

DD was not at all routiney - second child so fitted in etc. She just couldn't sleep in a room with other people. That made overnights very difficult.

DS (NT) was happier when things happened at the same time, in the same way. He still is at 12. He worries about change and new places. But doing a bedtime and nap routine, conversely, did make hotel stays easier - before the anxiousness kicked in when he hit about 2.5.

When they are happy and secure, my life is easier. I am not a routiney controlling person in any way - it was all driven by my child. Once I nailed it, he was so much happier.

I would have loved to be the 'take them anywhere' type. Took DS to the middle east a couple of times when he was a baby but that just got v hard as above.

evilharpy - that sounds so like my DD. At 18 months she was in an attic bedroom with a Velux blackout. Still wouldn't sleep past 5am until I put a long pillow over the bottom of the door to keep the light out. Now she is totally fine and sometimes doesn't even shut her curtains.

If it works for you primal then that's great. I just think there's a way round it if you want/need it enough, without compromising the dcs security/ happiness. If you didn't need/ want it enough then fair enough.

I have run out of steam with this, to be fair, but one last post. I didn't want it. DS needed it. My friend's babies were all a few months older and all I wanted was to be able to be spontaneous and fit in with them. But DS then spent the whole time miserable. Once I started writing down the feed and sleep times (breast fed on demand), I saw the pattern that he was settling into. I still have the little book I wrote it in.

He was a difficult baby after a difficult birth. Having a pattern made him happier, not me.

DD was the total opposite and that was fine too, as she needed to be more flexible because we couldn't stay home in the morning for an hours nap etc.

It isn't the idea of sleep or food being at fixed times I don't understand. It's the idea of needing to be at home/ limited environment to do so.

Or in the case of meals why it needs to be a fixed meal at a certain time. Dd has hollow legs but like most dc I know, it wasn't a problem to either find her something to eat wherever we were, or give her a small something when she got hungry with a smaller something later on.

I don't think we're going to agree either, and I'm beginning to feel as though I'm picking at your posts/ parenting choices which isn't my intention at all.

Just because staying in hotels - and changing routine - works for some people doesn't mean OP is some sort of weak, pathetic, lesser parent.

Some of you are coming across as unbelievably smug and righteous.

Don’t use your children as an excuse, if you don’t want to do then you don’t want to go. The kids will find it exciting!

Oh come on Castro, this is a special occasion for the in laws. The OP could relax her strictness/whatever you want to call it for this. I agree that she is using the kids as an excuse, they’d have fun!

*Oly
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'Get over yourself' and the numerous 'I'm glad I don't live such a sheltered/sad life' type posts are pretty unnecessary.

People can, of course, give their opinions but there's a big difference between encouraging OP to go and slating her.

Hotel not ideal but we would suck it up. Meal out at 6.30pm no problem at all.

Zzzzz I also thought it was a put down to mums of only children. I always laugh at this and think how easy it must be having two who can entertain each other for a bit rather than it just being you.