My mum and her texts

[Imaginosity]

I'm fed up of my mum in general as she's over-emotional, overbearing and seems to think she can demand I behave a certain way. Its like she holds me responsible for her happiness.

She sent me a text today asking if I could help her with something next week. An urgent reply was not required and I was very busy today minding a group of children so didn't reply when I glanced at the message. I was intending on helping her.

When I hadn't replied within 2 hours I got a snotty text demanding a reply. This kind of got my back up as she often sends these demanding texts. I decided I would reply a bit later. Then within an hour I had a text saying not to bother replying at all. Then a short time ago another text about how I am affecting the mood in their house but luckily my sister has invited them somewhere tomorrow so that has helped their mood a bit. She said she will hold off telling my dad about me not replying.

I have children but when they grow up I hope I never demand they do things. I hope I'm a nice enough mum and they want to come and see me through choice not through obligation and because I'm guilt-tripping them.

I'm sorry you lost your mum, Cabin, the same thing happened to Mr Elbows and it was awful because she was a proper mum. My mum is an emotionally abusive nightmare who has said and done some truly awful things to me. Sharing DNA with someone is not, and never should be excused as, a licence to abuse them. You would never suggest that a child who had been sexuality or physically abused by a parent should just suck it up for the sake of "family" (or at least I hope you wouldn't) so why is it OK to suggest that someone who is emotionally abused do so? Not all parents are lovely. When my mother dies I'll finally be free. Sad, but true.

Op stand your ground and don't give in to the dramatics. The only way to win is not to play

Look, just be frank with her.

"No one else expects an instant reply and no one else sends me numerous texts demanding one. It makes me feel badgered and anxious and there is no need for it at all. I am a person mum, not an answering service. I love you dearly but I do exist beyond the confines of being available to respond to you at any given moment. I have stuff going on...other things that take up my time...and that is normal. Accept that I might be busy with something else and be patient. It's not me being horrible...it's you being overbearing."

Oh for gods sake Cabin - cry me a river. Just cos your mum died doesn’t mean everyone needs to bow down to theirs. Stop projecting your own regrets onto others.

(Ps my mum is also dead - you don’t see me guilting people on forums over it)

I second the proactive telling your dad thing, so the whole balloon is pricked and someone sees how completely crazy this behaviour is.

You’re handling this really well op!

And Cabin I don't miss my gran. I've never forgiven her for accusing me of hitting DS1's head off the floor when he was 2 25 years ago, and she's been dead nearly 16 years. Some people you don't miss.

You know I have been thinking about this and my DD is very much like your mum

It's like they have a mental to do list and can't move on until it's ticked - so solving one problem at a time

But the rest of us move round the problem to another one and are able to come back to the first -

I'm not sure if it's mental or controlling