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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Concerned about something 3 year old said

102 replies

missladybird · 04/01/2018 16:34

Today dd started a new nursery. Apparently it all went well and she seemed happy when I picked her up etc.

About an hour ago she said she needed the toilet and then said "there's a plug in my bum" - I asked where she heard that from and she said "the naughty lady". I asked where the naughty lady is and she just pointed in a random direction.

I left it for a bit and then asked her about it again. I asked where the plug is and she opened her labia and pointed inside.

I'm seriously freaking out about this. What do I do?

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 04/01/2018 17:50

Is your DD in any way upset about what she is describing? If she's scared or distressed in any way, it might be worth seeking advice. If she's just mentioned it in the same way as she might mention eating cake or playing with a toy car, I would honestly advise you to let it go. Three year olds come out with all sorts of wierd stuff (I think someone in the child development field has described being two/three as being a bit like having taken LSD or MDMA - all this incomprehensible input that you want to talk about but can't comprehensively express). There's a risk of causing more distress, completely unnecessarily, by making a big deal out of something that just might have something to do with private parts and/or inappropriate behaviour but is more likely to be a misunderstanding or completely harmless.

GoReylo · 04/01/2018 17:55

Small children say all kinds of things (though the OP and at least one of the replies make me think of all those threads where we discuss whether girls should know the correct names for their anatomy. A little boy wouldn't tell you something was in his bum when he meant his genitals, little girls need to know the difference too).

If she's not sore, if nothing looks different, and she's not distressed, or saying things that really are a cause for alarm, don't call the police! She might have heard something from a staff member or another child there, or she might just have made it up. I was a parent volunteer at playschool, and small children do like to talk about bums, it's a very popular topic.

Original poster

missladybird · 04/01/2018 18:41

At first she didn't say the naughty lady was from nursery. She just kept saying 'over there' and smiling. Since then she's said the naughty lady hit her on the nose. I think it's just a random thing she's come out with and I've escalated it by asking too many questions.

OP posts:

Original poster

missladybird · 04/01/2018 18:51

She's not upset or distressed in any way.

OP posts:

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 04/01/2018 19:01

i once left my dd and her friend in her room and they went quiet, i walked into them naked from the waist down the friend examining dd's privates with a doll at the side of them, i was so shocked, turned out the friend had been watching one born every minute with her mum/

my kids have said loads of random things after nursery, repeating what other kids say and do, makes perfect sense to them but not us. If there were only 2 of them were they understaffed and could your dd have gone to the toilet with a friend.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/01/2018 19:05

Let it go. It could be absolutely anything, and the risk of causing unecessary distress by pursuing it is a lot bigger than the likelihood of there being any real cause for concern.
It's really only worth worrying when DC express fear or upset about a particular person or situation, or have unexplained injury or complain of pain.
(I remember a thread on here years ago, where a preschool kid was all of a panic about the 'raisin man' in her bedroom. All the gullible woo-heads piled on, wailing about poltergeists and demons... after a few days it turned out that the kid in question had been frightened of... a fly.)

Tors33 · 04/01/2018 19:20

Could she have heard it from another child maybe

Figgygal · 04/01/2018 19:24

3 year olds talk weird shit and do weird things I wouldn't be running to police the gp or anything else personally

Eltonjohnssyrup · 04/01/2018 19:25

Has she been constipated? If she isn't pooing someone might have referred to her having a plug in her bum?

youarenotkiddingme · 04/01/2018 19:29

I think in this instance I'd ring NSPCC and ask advice on what you should do.

It doesn't mean you think it's anything bad or that anything has happened but they can advice on what questions to ask dd, how much you should ask her and how to approach the nursery.

3yo come out with all sorts of crap so it could be something or nothing - but as a parent I'd want to make sure I followed it through correctly.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 04/01/2018 19:34

I would also ring the NSPCC for advice. I think you need to get someone trained to speak to her to find out what she means without puttin ideas in her head unintentionally. It will all be done through play and not scary for her. If it's nothing then great but you need to act just in case.
And I've never known a nursery setting where staff share toilets. They are generally little tiny kids ones.

insancerre · 04/01/2018 20:01

A bit weird but that's 3 year olds for you
I wouldn't be concerned about any of that
I don't see why she necessarily has heard itcrrom anyone else, she probably just made it up and the naughty lady doesn't mean anything either

DesignedForLife · 04/01/2018 20:24

In response to several posters saying someone may have told her to put a plug in it when she needed the loo - who on earth would say that to a 3 year old (presumably not very long potty trained) child???

Original poster

missladybird · 04/01/2018 20:31

Before bed she said she's got bugs in her bum. And she also said she needs a wee but doesn't have any wees left, and that her bum needs new batteries.

I don't know where the naughty woman bit came from but I don't think I need to be worried

OP posts:

CorbynsBumFlannel · 04/01/2018 20:36

Does she usually talk about those kinds of things? I really would at least get some advice!

insancerre · 04/01/2018 20:44

They do come out with some funny things
I am safeguarding lead in a nursery and I don't think she has said anything to warrant a referral

Tistheseason17 · 04/01/2018 20:47

Has she struggled for a poo recently?
Perhaps, someone said, "Oh dear has your bottom got a plug in it stopping your poop getting out"
Worth checking out with nursery, though.

ElphabaTheGreen · 04/01/2018 20:48

Call the NSPCC or report to the police, based on the one-off rambling of a toddler? Do any of you actually have three year olds?

According to my 3yo DS2, there is a baby on the moon who cries and cries until he gives it a cuddle. Should I be contacting NASA to investigate?

Oh, he also says he fell in a bin, bonked his head and then his willy turned into a banana. Should I be contacting social services about the terrible fall he must have had based upon his report, or Tesco for mislabelled produce?

This place is fucking insane, sometimes...

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 04/01/2018 20:50

Might she have a UTI or sore bum? 'Needs a wee but no wees left'? Soreness might be causing her to ramble confusedly about her bum.

Scrumptiousbears · 04/01/2018 20:52

My 3.5 year old was telling me "when I was a little boy I did a wee wee standing up". They get really confused sometimes. I wouldn't worry but just keep and eye out for any more ramblings and if you're really concerned speak to her keyworker.

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 04/01/2018 20:52

As I think you said yourself up thread, OP, you’ve probably escalated the situation by asking DD too many questions

Don’t blame you for being worried initially, but it’s true that 3year olds come out with crazy stuff all the time, so think your best bet is to say nothing more about it to DD and see what happens next. If she says something else along similar lines, or makes any more bottom related statements that set alarm bells ringing, take it further, but for now, wait it out.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 04/01/2018 20:52

I have had 2 3 yr olds and they'd never said anything like the op describes nor have any of the children of the same age I've worked with.
The batteries comment in particular reminded me of reports on the abuse that James Bulger endured. There is absolutely no reason not to get professional advice here. If it's nothing then what has the op lost? If the child is trying to communicate something then why would you ignore it?

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 04/01/2018 20:54

Today 20:48 ElphabaTheGreen

Call the NSPCC or report to the police, based on the one-off rambling of a toddler? confused Do any of you actually have three year olds?

According to my 3yo DS2, there is a baby on the moon who cries and cries until he gives it a cuddle. Should I be contacting NASA to investigate?

a spitting tea over the keyboard moment

CorbynsBumFlannel · 04/01/2018 20:57

And young children do say ridiculous things. They also say things that are true or have an element of truth to them.

dontbesillyhenry · 04/01/2018 21:00

Corbyn are you really trying to say the ops child has endured the level of abuse James Bulger did

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