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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to travel with work?

91 replies

GerddwrEryri · 04/01/2018 11:42

I've just started a new contract at the same company I've worked at for a few years. Nothing in my contract has been mentioned about travelling nor was this mentioned when I took got pushed into the job. First day back after the new year on Tuesday I was told I'd be travelling in a few weeks. One of our other sites has a system they use that my line manager wants to implement here, hence wanting me to go over and see it.

I have depression and anxiety. I really don't do well travelling. I'm bad enough travelling with people I know and love let alone travelling with work.

AIBU to refuse and can they make me?

OP posts:

Original poster

GerddwrEryri · 04/01/2018 13:21

swing they don't have an OT. Can they get someone external to do it?

I'm in the process of looking for another job but we're just about to sign for our mortgage and if I changed jobs it could affect it so I need to hold on for a few more weeks at least.

OP posts:

RhiannonOHara · 04/01/2018 13:24

I used to work in a place where you had to go to another company nearby for OT, so yes, I'd guess that either this is the case in your company or they are obliged to make similar OT arrangements when needed.

SilverySurfer · 04/01/2018 13:30

So you don't travel well and don't want to go on this work trip but had no problems flying off on holiday last year? What's the difference?

GwenStaceyRocks · 04/01/2018 13:31

Are you in an union? If so then seek their advice. I know you're saying your contract doesn't specify travel but I assume there will be a clause about business need that does cover it.
I'd also be concerned that you said you used your passport last year with your DP. If your colleagues know about that then the business could reasonably assume that if you can travel for private purposes then you can travel for work too.
Since you're in the middle of applying for a mortgage, I think you should try to make this trip if possible. Could your DP travel with you if their presence helps? You could possibly add some days in country either side of the work meetings so you can have a short break too.

Original poster

GerddwrEryri · 04/01/2018 13:32

Where did I say I had no problems?

And travelling with somebody you love and who understands anxiety / panic attacks is very very different to travelling with somebody from work who literally has no idea.

OP posts:

KathArtic · 04/01/2018 13:32

I think even without the MH I'd still be reluctant to travel. It's not something that ever interested me.

So basically you just do not want to go, which is fair enough, but as it is part of your role (which you did take) you need to.

As a pp said above, you are going to struggle claiming you are unable to travel due to anxiety if you went abroad recently. I wonder if your employer is suffering due to your lack of ambition/depression and is trying to find a role where they can use you or manage you out?

You may not have ambition to progress your career, but you need to to keep up your skills, experience and employability. If you lose this job you need to be able to find another.

It would be easier to just go, and save your self the added stress of trying to avoid going, and in the mean time look for another job.

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2018 13:42

Op, what is the implications of you not going? Do they have someone else who can go? What are the subsequent implications, I'm assuming as you're unable to go see it you'd be unable to effectively implement it. So wider repercussions?

And what part of the implementation is your job? Would you be positioning yourself as unable to do your job? Would you be putting them in a position where someone else had to go, then come back and try to tell uou, or someone else had to go then do then implementation?

I don't think this is as simple as this travel, it's why you have to go and what you have to do back here with the info you get from the trip.

If you're unable to go and position yourself as subsequently unable to do your job, there could be significant implications, as in it could be grounds for dismissal.

It's also wider than about to sign for your mortgage, if you lost your job, could you afford the mortgage payments?

Hillingdon · 04/01/2018 13:42

I don't like partciaulary like travelling for work. large company and very penny pinching. Think Travelodges at the side of motorways because they are cheap etc. TBH - I would rather come home and do 400 miles in one day.

I could leave of course but CHOOSE not to. You also have a choice and I know there are reasons why you cannot leave just yet but you cannot have it both ways.

You also managed to go on holiday which looks bad when you then claim you suffer from anxiety travelling.

I am sorry to say this but you sound like someone I wouldn't want on my team. Working is far harder than say 10 years ago and you need a job where is literally no chance of being asked to travel. Problem is it is likely to be low paid and I expect that there would be other reasons why you wouldn't take it. Take some time to resolve your worries but please don't allow others to take up the slack for you

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 04/01/2018 13:42

I completely understand where you’re coming from OP, I’m the same. I’ve been asked to travel for work and have refused as travel isn’t mentioned in my contract and I wouldn’t have taken the job if it was.

I also go on holiday with DH, but there’s a huge difference. I would panic if I had to travel alone and, even if I travel with a colleague it’s not the same - I can hardly hang on to their arm on take off can I?!

I don’t know what to suggest but I hope you can sort something out

RhiannonOHara · 04/01/2018 13:46

Hillingdon, you can put your point across without repeatedly putting the boot in.

Snowdrop18 · 04/01/2018 13:46

I've sort of been in your position.... I accepted a job with a comprehensive job description which made no mention of travel and then about 3 weeks in, they asked me to travel and said it hadn't occurred to them to put it in because it was UK.

I think by then I'd made a good impression, so I simply said "I don't do travel, personal reasons - this should have been in the job description" and they reallocated it. But I do happen to know I was the favoured candidate by a long way from the applicants - so me refusing to do that every 2 months or so actually wasn't that big a deal.

if you were "pushed into" the job as you say, is it the case that they really need you to do it? Because that gives you leverage.

I have anxiety - haven't ever told an employer - but also tbh I fecking HATE going away for work and only want to do my job and get paid, no interest in going any higher. I tend to think the travel should be saved for the more ambitious types or people who actually like it!

Original poster

GerddwrEryri · 04/01/2018 13:55

Wow lots of people making snapshot judgments from a few short posts.

I had ambition in my previous role, I wanted to progress and was very happy doing what I was doing. But sadly that wasn't meant to be.

If I didn't go it would just be the two people who are still going. They would be implementing the system just like they would have been if it hadn't been for the long winded circumstances that led to me being in this role.

To those who say if I can travel with DP then I can travel with work, clearly don't understand anxiety and how much difference it can make having an understanding supportive person by the side of you

We could afford the mortgage payments quite easily if I were without a job for a while, it's more that I don't know if we'd have to restart the whole application and thus delaying us even for / possibly losing out on this particular house.

OP posts:

Pearlsaringer · 04/01/2018 13:56

Is there another colleague who could come with you, maybe as a developmental opportunity for them, to take notes at meetings, help set up presentations etc? Like you I hate travelling alone but for some reason can manage fine taking the lead if I have someone with me.

Original poster

GerddwrEryri · 04/01/2018 13:57

I work with someone who wont attend meetings if she doesn't have childcare

Hillingdon ^^ what exactly do you expect your colleague to do? Bring her DC to work?

OP posts:

Pearlsaringer · 04/01/2018 13:58

Ah, may have misunderstood, there are others going?

Original poster

GerddwrEryri · 04/01/2018 14:01

pearls it'd be my line manager and his manager.

OP posts:

Pearlsaringer · 04/01/2018 14:08

So would you be able to travel with them? Obviously it depends on what causes your anxiety, mine is a pathological fear of getting lost (which I am exceptionally good at) so if I was travelling with someone else I would rely on them to know where we were going. I think you might be able to cope with this, you know. And you will feel stronger for it. Good luck.

yeahforfriday · 04/01/2018 14:13

Interesting question about if it's travel or be fired - surely they can't do that if it's not in my contract?

It will be in your contract, they will have a clause to say your "normal" place of work will be... but it will most definitely say that from time to time things may change or reasonable adjustments.

They will not be able to dismiss you outright for not going but they could have you in for disciplinary and ultimately dismiss if they believed that your failure to travel would have such significant impact on your job or even with a warning then they will declare that on references that you have depending disciplinary action on your file.

They could decide that they need to put you on performance management from a capability point of view meaning that you are not capable of doing the job (because you haven't had training on system) or poor conduct - you refused the training on the grounds that you would not travel. All are a bit harsh but it sounds that they may go down this route if they are already positioning you out of a job.

JessieMcJessie · 04/01/2018 14:15

Yes, Hillingdon, really keen to know what you think your colleague with children should be doing differently when she can’t get childcare at the time your meetings take place? Surely it is discrimination that you employer holds meetings outside her normal working hours?

OP, you’ve had some good advice here. I’d suggest a confidential and frank conversation with your line manager, emphasising how you can add value to the project without going on the trip.

GwenStaceyRocks · 04/01/2018 14:21

Can your DP go with you and turn it into a short break by taking holiday days at the end? I had colleagues who often did this when we had to travel.
I'll also ask again, do you have an union? They will be better placed to advise you on the contract implications. Then you will be clearer on whether refusing to travel will cost you this job.

Hont1986 · 04/01/2018 14:27

I bet most people's contracts don't explicitly state half the stuff they do day-to-day. Reasonable, occasional travel for a business need is absolutely something your employer can legally ask from you.

Original poster

GerddwrEryri · 04/01/2018 14:29

pearls I would be able to travel with them. I think part of my anxiety is just social anxiety - being stuck on a train/ plane/ taxi for hours with the same two work colleagues then being stuck with them all day and all evening not knowing what the heck to talk about. There's also very much a laddish culture within the team - get drunk and be utterly vile and sexist which I guess is another part of the anxiety. Tbch I think in some ways I'd feel less anxious about travelling on my own, which I've done once before. Although thinking about it the time I went on my own I got so anxious before breakfast that I couldn't eat as I was anxious about sitting on my own in the breakfast hall.

Yeah... I didn't say the anxieties made sense

Gwen sorry I didn't mean to ignore your question. I'm on my phone and finding it hard to see / reply to all. We don't have a union and as far as I'm aware there's not one I could join. Unfortunately DP wouldn't be able to get the time off and it's in the middle of nowhere (and not in a good way) so not really vacation style options.

I think I just need to have an open and honest discussion with him and see what he says...

OP posts:

swingofthings · 04/01/2018 14:45

The first thing you need to do before panic takes over is go and talk to your boss. Have you done this yet? Does he even know that you don't want to go? For all you know, he is actually not that keen for you to go (and pay for more expenses) but is worried that you will feel excluded if he doesn't ask you to go. That would be ironic wouldn't it?

So go and talk to him, ask him if your presence is essential, explain that you are not good flying at all (and indeed, flying with someone you love and a couple of glasses of wine to help is very different to flying with people you have to act very professional with!), and that this is making you anxious. Said that you wish you'd ask about it when you took the job (show responsibility rather than putting it on them for not having told you), and ask him if you can work something out.

Until you open to him, you're not going to go anywhere except get more and more anxious.

Original poster

GerddwrEryri · 04/01/2018 15:01

Thanks swing I've dropped him an email as he's gone home for the day and isn't back in this week. I wish I'd read this before sending the email as I mentioned it wasn't in the contract etc but saying I wish I'd asked probably would've come across better!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2018 15:32

Op, you've only semi answered the question I asked on implementation.

So it is your current job to implement this and if you do not go, you will be unable to do so effectively? And as such, your manager and their manager will have to do it for you? It is irrelevant what it would have been without the change, you need to deal in the reality of your job now.

I think this will be problematic for you if you put yourself in a position you can't effectively do your job.

What did you say in your email to your manager exactly? Because it seems not going has subsequent follow on implications for you to do your current job.

I do wonder if you hate the job so much you're trying to force it so you don't do it?

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