To think this woman at the till was bloody rude

[QIsForCube]

I was paying for items at the till in New Look and in the queue behind me was a lady with another lady who was a wheelchair user. While I was paying they were called up to the till after me and I was blocking their way. As I was preoccupied at the till, I didn’t hear them say excuse me a couple of times. I apologised and moved out the way. The lady who was pushing the wheelchair then said to the other person “don’t worry I would’ve just taken her ankles out if she didn’t move” while glaring at me. If I hadn’t have been with my mother I would have said something but I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of her. AIBU to think this was bloody rude and unnecessary?

This thread is quite amazing. There is surely no situation where it's OK to verbally abuse someone like that?

QIs, she did not say it to you, she said it to the lady in the wheelchair. The lady in the wheelchair is the only person who can say if it was rude. You were very rude to listen in to their conversation.

Call the police. Or 101, or whatever it is.

I had a similar event happen last week - I just didn't hear. I apologised to the wheelchair user and the person pushing said "I'm up here, actually" in a snidey tone.

I always thought it more polite to talk to the person using the chair as some people don't but I just got it wrong. And I guess for pusher and pushee people behave terribly to them so I brushed it off.

Next time I'll try to catch both people's eyes I guess!

Sounds like a joke to me - not in very good taste perhaps but hardly a threat. When you're in a wheelchair you spend your whole life being ignored by people - I suspect the wheelchair user's pal was just attempting to make a lighthearted comment about this latest occurrence.

Your absolutely right Francis Crawford. I also find that people don't even know I'm wearing my hearing aids as they"re small behind the ear digital aids with a fine tube going into the dome inside my ear. I've had to tell people I can't hear them properly and wear hearing aids and they think I'm joking, so I could easily be in the situation the OP describes.

If you push someone's wheelchair once a week or get their shopping in you're probably not a carer.

Funny that. The NHS and other national caring organisations would disagree with you. www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support/carers-rights-care-act-2014/?

A carer is anyone who provides unpaid support to help soneone in their dauly life. It can be as little as taking them out and pushing them around the shops if they can't do it by themselves. Or making their dinner a few nights a week. Or it could go up to and include providing round the clock care but no longer HAS to mean only this.

A person can have as many unpaid carers as they need - it's common in families to all take on a bit. But only one person can claim carers allowance. But many carers work also, so aren't eligible for carers allowance anyway.

I'm a carer - I work full time so I can't get carers allowance. My DS has ASD and requires a lot more care than a NT child of the same age.

I also have a carer - at times I'm visually impaired and I have moderate physical disabilities. Without my carer I couldn't get to appointments (mostly medical).

I've been assessed and confirmed that I am both a carer and cared for. It's rare, but it happens as we provide different kinds of support (my son often just needs me to be with him for example).

Your views on what constitutes a caring role are outraged. If the wheelchair user was unable to get around independently so needed that person to take her out, even if it was only once a week - they are a carer and it's right to refer to them as such.

Tippz, I've encountered attitudes like yours. Quite recently in fact. "Why shoukd I be inconvenienced? Disabled people csn wait, they dont have to be anywhere/do anything. And even if they do, it won't be as important as what I'm doing!" It just shows that even if it's not conscious, you do not value disabled people in society at all. Many disabled people work and pay taxes. They are just as entitled to use the lift as you. Moreso in fact, as they don't have the option to take the stairs, unlike you.

OP, this sounds like such an uncomfortable situation. I do think the person was rude, but I also know I'd feel horrible if I'd missed someone asking me to move.

I'm not deaf, but I do have ADHD, this means that in busy shops where there are lots of people talking, music is often playing, and there's lots of movement happening I can find it very difficult to focus on the 'right' thing. So if I'm paying I have to put all my energy into that task and zone out everything, and everyone, else.

If it had happened that I had inadvertently ignored someone (disabled or not) I would of course apologise, I would not expect them to be rude back. The person could have got your attention another way, a tap on the arm or a shift to the side to be in your peripheral vision.

Politeness doesn't cost much, and "well people are rude to me a lot" isn't an excuse to be rude to others.

As for the lift thing, if it's a disabled lift that is being used by everyone then absolutely complain, but if it's a lift for general use then you have to wait your turn like everyone else. I can understand this would be frustrating, I have missed trains due to having to wait for a lift or hurt myself quite badly trying to juggle luggage in train stations with no lifts (I don't tend to use lifts other than in train stations). At none of these times have I felt the need to scream swear at strangers, even at times where I have been practically crying with frustration and pain.

Being disabled absolutely sucks, and I'm not even in a position of having to rely on a wheelchair and navigate places that are inaccessible, so I can't really imagine how hard that must be. But being disabled is not a carte blanche to treat people horribly, even if you're annoyed.

As for the lift thing, if it's a disabled lift that is being used by everyone then absolutely complain, but if it's a lift for general use then you have to wait your turn like everyone else

All lifts are there to aid people who cannot use the stairs. It is actually DDA legislation which led to lifts being installed in most buildings.

But, that aside, it’s not a case of waiting your turn. When you are in a busy store and the lift is constantly full of people (who could use the stairs) waiting can take a very long time. You and your able legs can squeeze in. My daughter and her walking frame or wheelchair, with me beside her cannot. We’ve been left waiting for three or four lifts before we get in. We can’t take the stairs. It is incredibly selfish and entitled for anyone to suggest they have as much right to the lift as a person with mobility issues.

I could, when faced with you and your ADHD, be quite impatient about your requirements and why shouldn’t I? After all, why should I be inconvenienced? But I wouldn’t be, I would understand what the difficulties are and give you the quiet and time you need to finish the task. Because that is the right thing to do for people with disabilities, not take an entitled view and say “to hell with it, just wait your turn like everyone else”

If the wheelchair user was unable to get around independently so needed that person to take her out, even if it was only once a week - they are a carer and it's right to refer to them as such.

Not so. We regularly push our daughter’s chair, even thought she is capable of self propelling. We are her parents, not her carers.

Original I didn't know lifts were all there just for people with mobility issues, that's different then. It should be signposted though, same as priority seats on buses (you can use this unless someone needs it more than you do).

I think there are lots of things that would be helpful if they were more widely accepted, universal 'I have an invisible disability' badges/lanyards like they have at some airports/on some public transport, so that people don't get shouted at or abused for using facilities they need but don't 'look disabled enough' for.

And yeh, everyone could do with being more considerate.

There was no need to be rude and threaten violence, and disability is not an excuse. Someone can use a wheelchair or be accompanying someone using one and also happen to be a twat.

I have some invisible health issues, causing joint and muscle pain and fatigue, and sometimes can't face the stairs so use the lift in stations, shops etc. I'm sick of getting looks and snarky comments. I let people in wheelchairs, mobility scooters, with buggies or heavy luggage etc go first and don't get in the way. Didn't stop a couple who were apparently healthy and middle-aged, not accompanying anyone with mobility issues or encumbered, bitching about me and 'young people' (I'm mid 30s, look younger) calling me selfish and oblivious - to what, I don't know, I had got to the lift first but not pushed past them, there was plenty of room for everyone who wished to use it.
And lifts are for everyone. Even if someone can walk up several floors, why should they. As I said, people with mobility aids etc should be let in first.

Nice mental health stigma by the pp who called the rude woman 'psychotic', ironic on a thread about disability.

There is no excuse for rudeness like that from anyone, disabled or not.

I had a blind man scream at me once for apparently not getting out of his way. I was walking down a very wide path in town and was walking towards my bus, all of a sudden he appeared besides me screaming "Can you see me now, can you fucking see me now". He and his guide dog apparently wanted to get past me, on this massively wide path. No idea where he came from as he wasn't behind me a few moments earlier so assume he came out of a shop then decided he wanted to walk exactly where I was. Like I said, it was a massive path so I wasn't blocking it.

I called him a rude twat and his response was he wasn't rude - he was blind therefore he couldn't possibly be rude! I just continued walking and assumed he was having a bad day!

Not so. We regularly push our daughter’s chair, even thought she is capable of self propelling. We are her parents, not her carers.

originalfoogirl do you get Carer's Allowance for your DD?

do you get Carer's Allowance for your DD?

No.

My late DM looked at least 10 years younger than her age. You would not know just by looking at her that she had COPD and struggled to climb a single flight of stairs

Yes, yes, I know, hidden disabilities etc. But lift after lift is not packed full with people who cannot climb stairs.

It should be signposted though, same as priority seats on buses (you can use this unless someone needs it more than you do).
Because without a signpost, people can’t be civil and aware of how to hel0 those around them? Those “priority seat” signs wind me right up. EVERY seat should be offered to someone who needs it more, not just a couple with stickers at the window. Regardless of who a lift is there to serve, it is common courtesy to allow someone who has no choice but to wait for the lift, the chance to use it before you do. But people are far too bloody self involved to even think about it.

Forget it.

In all honesty, if it's bothering you enough to have fretted all the way home, then while you typed out your OP, there is something else going on in your life.

Something this small should not be bothering you this much.

I'd be more angry at the shop not making the aisles wide enough for a wheelchair user to get by when someone was standing paying. New look is the party at fault here.

She was rude. Being a carer doesn't make you a saint. Just forget about it. World is full of arseholes.

"Who needs the seat more - a four year old with parent or a 25 year old who is sitting there because he has balance issues?"

I was on a bus yesterday with my eight year old, and he could hardly stay on his feet during the journey, I had to hold him upright and almost fell myself a couple of times. He was holding on, with me behind him for support but I still had to hold on with one hand myself to make sure he was supported with my other hand.

A woman with twins who looked about four or five was also struggling, and one of her sons fell down as the bus stopped and hit his chest on the raised step that the seats above the wheels are on.

He was badly winded and for a moment we weren't sure he was breathing. He'd gone this awful colour and although he was gasping in it didn't seem to be actual breathing.

So I would say that the children, and the 25 year old with balance issues are both in need of seats, and one shouldn't be expected to stand for the other.

Children aren't automatically okay to stand up just because they are children, adults aren't automatically in need of a seat because they are adults.

After assisting people in wheelchairs a lot I think you kind of get hypersensitive because you have to deal with such bad and inconsiderate behaviour that you can’t see the genuine human people who have just lost focus for a second.