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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this woman at the till was bloody rude

110 replies

QIsForCube · 03/01/2018 23:07

I was paying for items at the till in New Look and in the queue behind me was a lady with another lady who was a wheelchair user. While I was paying they were called up to the till after me and I was blocking their way. As I was preoccupied at the till, I didn’t hear them say excuse me a couple of times. I apologised and moved out the way. The lady who was pushing the wheelchair then said to the other person “don’t worry I would’ve just taken her ankles out if she didn’t move” while glaring at me. If I hadn’t have been with my mother I would have said something but I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of her. AIBU to think this was bloody rude and unnecessary?

OP posts:

Samcro · 03/01/2018 23:43

OP have you spent years pushing a wheelchair with a person in it?

arethereanyleftatall · 03/01/2018 23:47

Sheknows - that's true.

Today in tesco, I was the person. Saying excuse me repeatedly to the person in front (to help her out as it happened). Anyway, she ignored me/didn't hear me. I'll admit to being cross though I didn't say anything. My point is when you're in a queue type situation, I think there should be some effort made to be conscious that someone might need to speak to you, and listen out for it.

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 23:47

It's funny how people always feel comfortable making these comments to women, not men.

Would the carer have said the same if OP was male? I doubt it.

Samcro where are the disablist comments and where does OP say she was 'PMSL'?

Weezol · 03/01/2018 23:50

So the carer would have rammed her wheel chair using client/relation into someone as a battering ram? Nice. She's using someone else's disability to enforce her entitlement.

I have had a few problems with ignorant fuckers kicking my stick away or walking into me, but I am quite assertive. Usually a bystander has nipped in before I have even opened my mouth, which I don't mind at all, it makes me feel very supported by my fellow humans.

Hygge · 03/01/2018 23:53

I think she was rude, and needlessly aggressive.

I'm partially deaf, and I find it hard to hear people speaking to me if there's other background noise going on. Nobody knows this by looking at me, because I can't wear a hearing aid so there's no visible sign that I am hard of hearing.

It's hard enough to hear some people when they're in front of me and I know they are speaking to me, let alone if they are behind me and in a place I'm not expecting people to need to walk by.

I often don't hear people coming up behind me, even if they speak to me. It's a regular thing for me to not hear people behind me until they shout or touch me or in some cases actually shove me.

You didn't hear her. Your attention was elsewhere. You apologised once you realised they were there. The aggression was unnecessary. I'm not sure the woman in the wheelchair would have appreciated being shoved into your ankles by her friend either.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 03/01/2018 23:55

Why is she a carer not a partner or a relative? Why is it 'her' entitlement? Why do you assume it was her making the transaction and not the person in the wheelchair?

Cantuccit · 03/01/2018 23:58

Anybody can be a carer, Elton. Including partners and relatives.

LineysRumBaba · 03/01/2018 23:58

The OP heard an awful lot, considering she didn't hear 'excuse me' twice. Oh except she did.

Weird thread.

ProseccoMamam · 04/01/2018 00:06

How did you hear them being called up to the till but didn't hear them 5 seconds later when they asked you to move - repeatedly?

Also how do you know they asked you a couple of times to move if you didn't hear them?

RunningOutOfCharge · 04/01/2018 00:10

New look is cramped

Nobody can easily get past or to the next till without having to say excuse me

ThisLittleKitty · 04/01/2018 00:11

Why were you blocking the area surely it's big enough to let people get through. Weird

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2018 00:13

Rude but funny imo

Are you sure it wasn't said in jest?

DidIDoTheWrongThing · 04/01/2018 00:14

The OP heard an awful lot, considering she didn't hear 'excuse me' twice. Oh except she did.

Yup

Toastedstrudel · 04/01/2018 00:15

Being disabled does not entitle you to a free pass to be rude. No doubt she encounters intolerant and ignorant people every day and is fed up of it. No excuse. Would be like saying minorities encounter racism on a regular basis so they can say things that insinuate violence and it should be acceptable. No. She was rude.

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2018 00:18

Toasted how do you know the woman pushing the wheelchair was disabled?

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/01/2018 00:27

I have very poor hearing and have had this happen from others with a disability a few times. I always say "I'm sorry, my hearing disability makes it difficult for me to distinguish sounds from behind me." Most tend to look a bit embarrassed but also less pissed off (which is why I say it).

As I've seen far more atrocious behaviour aimed at people in wheelchairs (and their helpers) than I've ever experienced I can't work up any ire towards them for the odd venting of their frustration.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 04/01/2018 00:33

Anybody can be a carer, Elton. Including partners and relatives

Yes, but somebody pushing a wheelchair doesn't make them a carer.

I regularly push my father's wheelchair. I am his daughter, not his carer. You may well see him being pushed around by his son, his grandchildren, one of his many friends, his MIL. NONE of those people is his carer. Only my mother is his carer.

Calling every person who pushes around a wheelchair a 'carer' is patronising and reduces someone to their disability.

Cantuccit · 04/01/2018 00:40

Well, carer is a bit shorter than 'person pushing the wheelchair' or 'Partner/relative/friend/carer' but if you suggest the appropriate term, people will use it.

I would have thought a person pushing someone's pushchair is caring for them, but I'm happy to be corrected.

RestingGrinchFace · 04/01/2018 00:42

Well presumably they haven't had etiquette lessons so the casual threat of violence shouldn't be so surprising.

RestingGrinchFace · 04/01/2018 00:46

Also OP hearing excuse me doesn't mean that she realised that it was aimed at her. When I hear excuse me I think it means excuse me as opposed to please move out of my way which is supposed to be expressed by sorry or I'm sorry or some such like. The only time that I come to attention to a stranger saying excuse me is when I am in Australia where it's used colloquially to mean please move out of my way or I didn't hear you. I wouldn't expect someone to use excuse me that way where I live.

raspberrysuicide · 04/01/2018 00:49

I'm a wheelchair user and I would be mortified if someone I was with made a comment like that to someone.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 04/01/2018 00:51

No Cantuccit, they do not mean the same. And assuming that somebody who is in a wheelchair even NEEDS a carer is a bit....I won't say ignorant, but perhaps badly informed on disability issues.

Greensleeves · 04/01/2018 00:53

Really fucking rude. No need for it.

Cantuccit · 04/01/2018 00:59

What doesn't mean the same, Elton? You're not making sense.

I'm not saying all wheelchair users need a carer. I'm saying that I would have thought someone pushing someone's wheelchair is caring for them. You can explain why that isn't the case instead of calling me ignorant/badly informed.

My mum is disabled (though not in a wheelchair) and I fight for her to get the help she needs, so please don't assume I am ignorant about disability issues.

I'm happy to be educated by a reasonable person on issues.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 04/01/2018 01:22

Carers are people who regularly look after a person's long term needs they cannot hope with themselves due to sickness or disability.

If you push someone's wheelchair once a week or get their shopping in you're probably not a carer. If you support them with their daily needs like medication, dressing, washing, eating (including cooking for them) you probably are.

But assuming that someone in a wheelchair is in need of a carer at all times or that the person with them is their carer is a bit disablist.

My Dad has a carer. He is also someone who 25 years ago was an extremely successful man and is a very educated one.

To assume that he doesn't go out without a carer or that anybody who assists him is a carer is really patronising.

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